Changing Tides
by Pawprinter
Summary: Clarke found out she can't adopt Madi. Bellamy's relationship is failing because they are indifferent on their plans to have children. Getting married and adopting together seems like the best solution for both of them. Between preparing for a wedding two weeks away and trying to convince everyone about the legitimacy of their relationship, Clarke finds herself falling for him.
1. Chapter 1: The Deal

**A while back, I opened my prompt fills on Tumblr (you can find me as pawprinterfanfic there) and was lucky enough to get the prompt "Clarke and Bellamy get married so she can keep Madi and in the process fall in love (bonus: I would love it if Bellamy had to break up with Echo to do it)" from griffin-groupie**

 **It's safe to say I went a little overboard with this fic.**

 **It was meant to be a one-shot at 2000 words. I'm still not done writing it, but the current total is 35, 000 words.**

 **If you've read any of my other fics, you'll know that I usually have longer chapters (9k words), but that won't be the case for this fic. In the interest of time, I've decided to keep each chapter around 5k words or less.**

 **I also just want to give a HUGE disclaimer. This fic deals with a lot of the details of marriage and adoption. I have no life experience with either of these things, so a lot of the logistics in this fic are from what I have seen in movies or have read. Therefore, this is 100% not accurate and I give the biggest apology in advanced because of this. If there are any major problems, feel free to approach me about this and I will be more than happy to listen to what you have to say! I hope most of you don't mind my lack of knowledge haha.**

 **I also try to put warnings at the start of each chapter. General warnings for this fic are: angst, coarse language, and romantic scenes (these are limited to kissing). Specifically for chapter 1, the warnings are major angst and hurt/comfort.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 1: THE DEAL**

* * *

 _June 4_

* * *

She came to see him in the middle of the night.

"Bellamy!" she hissed, her fist pounding against the door. She had been standing at the door to his apartment for a couple minutes already, trying her hardest to wake him up. It was an all too familiar situation. When they used to live together, she would more than often forget her keys. _Same old, same old._ "Bell!"

She reached for her phone again, pressing the button to call him. She let it ring several times, hoping he turned on the sound or vibrate for the night.

 _She needed to see him._

After a few rings, she pressed the red button with a little too much force and shoved it back in her pocket. _Wake up, wake up, wake up._

"Bellamy!" She knocked rapidly again. She knew it wasn't the best idea to visit him in the middle of the night when he was already asleep, but she needed her best friend. _Gods, she needed him._ Her life had fallen apart within the last dozen hours, leaving her broken. Out of everyone in the world, she knew that he would help put her back together.

"Bell- Oh!" The door flew open, sending her stumbling inside the apartment. She caught herself on the doorknob, preventing herself from tumbling to the ground. The light poured in from the hallway, casting an illuminating glow over both herself and the woman in front of her.

"Clarke," the woman who answered the door greeted her, her voice tired.

Clarke straightened up and gave her a warm smile. While her and Echo never were best friends, they got along just fine. Clarke grimace when she seen the woman was wrapped in a throw blanket. Realizing she must've woken her up, an apology came tumbling out of her mouth.

"I'm so sorry for waking you up. I just need to talk to Bellamy." Echo closed the door to the apartment and flicked on the light to the living room.

"It couldn't wait until morning?" she asked, crossing her arms. Clarke chewed her lip, a wave of guilt flooding her.

It could have. _It could have waited._ She didn't _need_ to see him right now. She just needed him – she needed _someone_ to help hold her together. Bellamy was the first one she thought of, but, really, she could've gone to Raven or Wells or Monty or even Murphy.

"I know, I'm sorry, but it's an emergency." Clarke scanned the room, surprised to see a blanket thrown onto the floor beside the couch and pillows spilling beside it. Her eyebrows pushed together. "Bellamy is home, isn't he?"

"I'm sure he's still asleep," Echo said, walking towards the couch. She bent over, picking up the blanket and pillow, tossing it back onto the sofa. She sat down heavily, her head dipping towards her knees. She looked exhausted.

"I'm sorry for waking you." Clarke shifted on her feet and glanced towards Bellamy and Echo's bedroom. The door was still shut and no light flooded out from under it. Echo was right; he was still asleep. "I'm just going to go talk to him. Sorry again."

"S'okay." Echo was already falling onto her side, her eyes shielded under her wrist against the bright lights.

Clarke flipped the switch off, walking briskly across the living room, towards where Bellamy's bedroom was. She navigated the room in the dark, her memory guiding her perfectly. Even though it was only a few weeks since she moved out, it felt like a lifetime.

Clarke slipped into his room, shutting the door behind herself. While the apartment was silent before, the air was heavier in his room, somehow. It felt _quieter, darker, more closed off._ She sucked in a few deep breaths as she listened for the sounds of his breathing.

She could tell he was still sleeping, just based on the pattern of his breaths. They were so even and calm. She felt guilty waking him up, but she needed him. Her desperation outweighed her uncertainty in that moment.

"Bellamy?" Clarke stepped forward, her hand outstretched into the darkness. _She couldn't see anything._ While the living room had a small window for moonlight that helped guide her way, Bellamy's room was pitch black. "Bell?"

"Mm." He groaned from the bed and she heard his covers rustling. He was slowly waking up.

"Bellamy," she repeated, her voice louder this time. Her hand touched the mattress finally and she sat on the end. The sudden dip in the bed must've woke him up fully.

"Mm. Clarke." His voice was rough with sleep, but still held that tenderness that she appreciated so much. Just hearing his voice made her eyes water.

 _She needed someone to hold her together._

"Yeah, it's me." Her voice was crackled and thick with emotion. She nearly let out a sob when she could hear his movements begin to speed up. He could hear the pain in her voice too, causing him to wake suddenly.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He reached over and flicked on his bedside lamp. Clarke winced as the soft light hit her eyes. Bellamy was already moving towards her, pulling himself across the bed.

"I'm not hurt," she responded. _Not physically hurt, anyways_. The truth was, she wasn't okay. _Nothing about her day was okay._ "I'm sorry for waking you." Even those words came out tightly, like her throat was closing in on itself.

"Gods, what time is it?" Bellamy pulled himself beside her, his feet dangling off the bed to match hers. His hair was sticking up in every odd direction and his eyes were barely cracked open. Him looking so sleepy made her feel even worse. "It doesn't matter. What's wrong?" Clarke felt her bottom lip tremble the slightest, her throat constricting.

 _Talking about it was so much worse than just thinking about it._

"Hey." Bellamy's voice had become even softer as soon as he realized how close to tears she was. His arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her body into the crook of his arm. _This_ was one of the many reasons why she needed to talk to him. _His arms were like a home to her._ This wasn't the first night they held each other, helping each put each other back together, piece by piece. "We don't need to talk, if you don't want. We can just sit here."

Clarke shook her head, tears flooding her eyes. "No," she croaked. "I need to. I just." She sucked in a breath through her teeth. "I just need a second." Understanding, Bellamy rubbed his hand over her arm tenderly, bringing her some comfort. She was shaking just thinking about the situation she was in.

Stalling, she looked for something else to talk about. She thought about the young woman who let her into the apartment. "Why is Echo sleeping on the couch?"

Bellamy let out a long sigh. His free hand came up to rub his eyes. "She's moving out again," he said, his voice strained. Clarke put her pain on hold to listen to his. "It's mutual. We… uh. We just have different priorities in life – different goals." He pulled a face. "I love her, Clarke. I don't want her to give up what _she_ wants in life just because of me." Clarke sent him a sympathetic look.

"I'm sorry." He smiled softly.

"Thanks." He sighed. "We both agreed this would be for the best. I know I for sure want children sometime, she knows for sure that she doesn't. We love each other too much to keep going around in circles." He fell silent and Clarke knew that was all she was going to get out of him that night.

She turned back to her own thoughts. Suddenly, they came flooding back, threatening to suffocate her. Clarke clenched her jaw tightly and sucked in another deep breath. _Stay calm, stay clam._

 _How was she going to get out of this?_

She wasn't. _Oh, gods, she wasn't going to be able to stop this_. She was going to lose her. Clarke's thoughts spiralled quicker than she thought possible. Within seconds, she felt like she could get physically sick.

"They're trying to take Madi away," Clarke managed to get out before tears rolled down her cheeks. She focused on Bellamy's arm across her back, and his weighted touch along her shoulder, trying to keep herself from falling apart completely. She focused on his warmth and his comfort, soaking up his presence with everything in her.

"What?" His movements stopped completely, too shocked to continue comforting Clarke. "Wh- no. No, they can't. _Clarke_." His words broke her heart. His shock and disbelief made her feel like she was spinning.

 _Her daughter. They were taking her daughter away._

Madi wasn't biologically her daughter, but she was hers just the same. She had been working on adopting her for the last several months, but they had come to the conclusion that it wasn't going to work earlier that day. Clarke was still a full-time student and working a full-time job. The agency said it wasn't the right fit for a kid; she was hardly home, she was living paycheque to paycheque.

It broke Clarke's heart. As soon as she met the young girl, she knew she wanted her in her life. She never expected to have the _want_ for a child so soon, but Madi broke all of that. Her bond to Maid as unlike anything she had ever experienced.

A motherly bond.

And now she would never have that. She would never legally be Madi's mother. She would never be able to help raise her into the wonderful young woman she knew she would become. She wouldn't be able to take her bowling, or out for ice cream, or to Disney. Those were the things they had talked about doing once she was adopted. _She wanted to do those things with her daughter – her family._

Knowing she wasn't going to get that opportunity broke her heart. _No._ It crushed her soul, more so than she thought was possible.

"Come here," he mumbled gently, as if sensing Clarke was just on the brink of falling apart.

Bellamy wrapped his arm tighter around her shoulders, bringing her flush against him. She went willingly, burying her head against his neck, sobs bubbling out of her chest. The familiarity of this hold brought her some comfort, even only slightly.

She had never felt so heartbroken before. It felt so similar to the pain she felt when she lost her dad. _They were gone, never coming back. They were no longer part of her future._ Losing Madi was a lot like losing her father. The worst part was that she couldn't do anything to change the outcome.

"It hurts," she sobbed her, her fingers curling around Bellamy's shirt. He tucked her head under his chin, holding her as closely as he could. Her nose was pressed into the neckline of his shirt. His arm was wrapped securely around her waist and his hand was pressed against her back.

"I know. I'm so sorry, Clarke."

He reached behind them, grabbing his discarded blanket, and pulled it towards themselves. He wrapped it securely around Clarke's shaking frame and around his own shoulders, cocooning both of them.

Clarke was more thankful than ever in that moment that she went to see Bellamy. _He knew her._ He knew what would keep her together.

"They said it's because I'm too busy," she sniffed. Words were tumbling from her mouth without much thought. "I'm a student, I work, I volunteer. Gods, I _know_ I'm too busy, and that's the worst part. I have bills to pay, plus tuition for school, and student loans." She sniffed loudly. "I know it wouldn't be fair to her, but that doesn't make it hurt any less."

"That's why they won't let you adopt her?" Bellamy prodded gently. "Because you're not home enough?"

She nodded. It was a logical decision that they had come to; she _was_ too busy to have a child in her life. It wouldn't be fair for Madi to have a family that was never around. _She didn't blame the adoption agency._ It was just reality.

"But if I'm not working to pay for the house or whatever else, then I wouldn't have enough money to support her anyways. It's a lose-lose situation, Bell. I work so I can support our lives, but then I wouldn't be around enough. If I don't work as much, I can't support our lives." She sobbed again.

Bellamy was at a loss for words. He knew how much Madi meant to Clarke. The two of them shared an unbreakable bond ever since they met. She had been volunteering at the hospital the night Madi and her parents were brought into after a car crash. Clarke was the one that sat with Madi after her parents had died, leaving her without anyone to call family.

When Clarke didn't return home that night, he got worried. He remembered calling her cell phone _dozens_ of times, worried out of his mind. Her shift only lasted until 4pm, but she hadn't returned home or any of his calls. At 10pm, he had enough, and went down to the hospital himself, convinced something terrible must've happened to her.

Several other volunteers and workers pointed him in the direction of a hospital room. _Gods, he didn't know what to expect._ He half expected the worst; he expected to find Clarke in that hospital bed. What he didn't expect was to see Clarke sitting beside a young girl, a children's book clutched in her hand. As soon as he walked into the room, she lifted a finger to her lips.

"She just fell asleep." Clarke looked at her, pain in her eyes. "Poor thing." With those simple words, Bellamy knew. His best friend wasn't going to let this young girl go into the world alone. _His best friend just became a mother._

It broke his heart to see her this way, and it broke his heart to know Madi and Clarke would be separated. He spent countless hours with Madi over the past months and he'd grown fond of her. She was smart and outgoing and wiser than her years. She brought such joy to Clarke's life, just like Clarke brought to her. _The two of them were a family._

Even he had bonded with Madi. The amount of times Bellamy had taken her and Clarke to get ice cream was ridiculous, all things considering.

 _Gods,_ were they ever going to see her again? Would he be able to say goodbye to the young girl? Or was that it? The thought of never seeing her again made him sick. He didn't even want to think about the fact she would never be a part of his life through Clarke. He couldn't begin to imagine how Clarke was feeling in that moment.

He tried to put himself in her shoes. How would he feel if someone was trying to take Octavia away? While he never had legal custody over his little sister and never adopted her, he helped raise her. What would he have done if he was in Clarke's position?

 _Anything._ He would have done absolutely anything to keep Octavia with him. The situation hit too close to home; if things had been different by even a few years, he would've been in a very similar position to Clarke.

In the end, him and Octavia were family and he would do anything to keep her safe. He knew Clarke had that same connection to Madi. _He knew she would do anything to keep Madi safe._ She would do anything to keep Madi and her together.

They were the same in that sense. All they wanted was to keep their families together.

"It's okay, Clarke," he told her, his voice mumbled by her hair. _He was a liar. It wasn't okay. Nothing about this was okay._ "We'll figure this out. We'll find a solution." Even his words didn't inspire hope in himself. _It was an impossibly bleak situation._

"There isn't one," she sobbed. Bellamy knew his shirt was going to be tear-covered and wrinkled beyond belief in the morning, but not one ounce of him cared. _As long as she was safe. As long as he was there for her. As long as she felt better in the morning._ It was familiar. "I'm going to lose her."

Bellamy's heart lurched as her sobs increased. She was barely able to breathe between her sobs. Her whole body was shuddering, every inch of her falling apart from her grief. "I'm… I'm going to lose her." Her breathing hitched again. " _Bellamy_."

Her words were a desperate plea. He understood her though – he always understood. _Help me._ Gods, he would share the burden of her pain in an instant if he could. It was torture watching her fall apart like that.

She continued to sob, her anguish filling every available space of his bedroom. Bellamy held her tightly, trying to find the right words to say. She was in so much pain. _She was losing a family member._ He could _feel_ her pain, too. His heart felt like it was breaking over and over again.

What could he say to make this better?

 _Nothing._ He couldn't fix the situation. He couldn't promise her things would work out. He couldn't _do_ anything. This was completely outside of his control and it was _agonizing._

What would he want if he was in her situation?

 _Something to hold him together._

He could do that.

They'd been here before, when Clarke's dad died. When her mom told her the news, she spent the rest of the day under his covers, sobbing until she fell asleep.

They'd been here before when his mother died. When he returned home from the hospital, she had been the one wrapping her arms around his frame, holding him as he sobbed until his throat burned. She had been the one to help keep him together.

 _That's what they did._ They were there for each other – always.

"I've got you," he promised her. _That was one thing he could promise._ He couldn't promise she would be able to adopt Madi. He couldn't promise that things would work out. _But he could promise to be there, beside her through every step._

In one smooth motion, he took her into his arms. She adjusted to the position change easily, choosing to bury her face in his neck and wrap her arms around his shoulders. Bellamy inched his way back up the bed and fell gracelessly to the mattress.

Clarke moved her face from being pressed against his neck, deciding bury it in the pillow beside his. He crawled in behind her, his arm wrapping around her middle, pulling her to his chest. She curled around him, her fingers gripping the blanket tightly.

For the first time in hours, Clarke felt safe. Being wrapped up in Bellamy's arms was familiar. _His arms were safe – his arms were home._ It was easy to feel the pieces fall back together slightly, wrapped up beside him, completely shut off from the outside world. It was easy to feel safe.

Clarke didn't release her hold on him until she had cried herself passed exhaustion.

* * *

 _June 5_

* * *

That next morning, Clarke woke with her hair glued to her face and her skin sticky with tears. The room was still pitch black, all the sunlight being warded off by a thick blanket hanging in the window. She couldn't tell if it was morning or afternoon or only a few hours after she had arrive at his doorstep.

His arm was still wrapped around her middle, keeping her secure and the pieces of her soul in place while she slept. Her back was flush against his chest and she could feel every breath he took. The steady rhythm of it was calming. She twisted her head around, trying to see if he was awake yet. To her surprise, his eyes were wide as he stared at the ceiling.

"You're up," she commented. In fact, it looked like he hadn't slept at all that night. His face was long and his eyes tired. _He looked exhausted_.

After a split second, he glanced to her, their eyes locking. Her mouth ran dry at the intensity in them. "How did you sleep?"

She shrugged, turning around to face the door once again. Bellamy's fingers were tracing light patterns on the sheet beside her and she couldn't take her eyes off of it. "Good enough, I guess. When did I fall asleep?"

"A few hours ago." Clarke could hear something wrong with his voice, almost like he was nervous or stressed. It sounded like he was distant. Clarke's heart dropped to her stomach.

"What's wrong?"

Clarke didn't bother twisting back around to see him, feeling more than content to be settled in his arms. She could still feel pain raging around her, but it wasn't as intense as it was last night. Being surrounded by love from her best friend had dampened the storm clouds.

"What if you had more money?" Bellamy asked quietly, completely disregarding her question. She was confused. What was he asking her?

"Money?"

"Would they let you keep her? If you had more money." Realization dawned on her. _Oh._ He had been thinking about Madi and the adoption all night.

"I don't know…" She chewed her lip and ran over a few options in her head. "I would be able to work less and I could spend more time with her, but that's a temporary solution. Even if I did get a little more money right now, in a few months, we'll be right back here. And it doesn't solve the issue of her not having somewhere to go while I'm at work and school."

"What if you had a _shared_ income, though? Not just a one-time thing," Bellamy clarified. Clarke froze in his arms. _He couldn't be possibly meaning…_

"I don't know what you mean, Bellamy," she said, her voice almost too quiet to hear. If he was suggesting what she _thought_ he was… She couldn't fathom it. _No._ It wasn't possible. Bellamy would never… _She wouldn't allow it._

"Us," he stated simply. Clarke's heart stopped. With that one simple word, he had confirmed her suspicions. "We could share an income. Together, we would make more than enough to support all three of us. You could work less – spend more time with Madi. And on those days that you have to work, I'll be home with her."

It sounded like he had thought about it a lot. She didn't doubt that he had been running through options all night while she slept. It was such a Bellamy thing to do.

" _Bellamy,_ " Clarke said, her voice hissing into a whisper. "That won't work. They'd never consider a friend for sharing an income." She chewed her lip. "And even if we went back to being roommates, they wouldn't combine our incomes. We'd be in this exact same spot."

"They wouldn't combine the incomes for friends or roommates. I know. That's not what I'm meaning." She felt even more confused by his words. Clarke twisted around in his arms, her eyes locking onto his. They still held that same intensity and determination that she had seen in it earlier.

"Then what exactly _are_ you meaning?" she pressed. She didn't expect him to squirm with her question, but she was even more surprised by his set jaw and spark of determination in his eyes.

"We'll get married."

She felt her body go completely still and her mind fall silent. She gawked at him for several seconds, her minds spinning to process what he said.

" _What?_ Bellamy, no." She was already moving out of his arms, scrambling into a sitting position. Millions of thoughts were running through her mind. She felt overwhelmed by his proposition.

He wanted to get married so she could keep Madi. _He wanted to marry her._ Her best friend. Her former roommate. _Bellamy Blake._

No. No way. He wouldn't throw out his whole life for her like that. She wouldn't _let_ him. He already threw away his childhood for a kid – his sister, and she wasn't going to let him repeat that.

 _No matter how much the idea tempted her._

"Hear me out!" he pleaded, also pulling himself up to sit in bed.

"No, Bellamy. I'm not going to let you sacrifice _so much_ for me. It's out of the question!" She was frantic in denying it. Bellamy had always been selfless, but this was going to far.

 _Gods, she wanted to accept his offer so bad._ Getting married would solve her problem, but she couldn't let him do this. _No._ She had to stay firm.

"Clarke, just… listen." His tone had softened once again. "I _want_ this. And it makes sense. It would work, too. It solves all of the issues they had with your application! You said they denied you because of money and time. Well, with an additional person, that isn't a problem anymore! It's perfect." Clarke let out a non-humorous laugh.

"Yeah, perfect except for the fact _we aren't married!"_ She tugged on the ends of her hair and bit her bottom lip. "We don't… I don't…" _We don't love each other like that._

It was true, for the most part. Sure, she had thought about it, but it was _easy to imagine being in love with him._ He was reliable and trustworthy and had been the only constant thing in her life for a long time. It was only natural to have those thoughts in passing.

 _But this?_ This wasn't in passing. _He was serious._

"I know." He still looked more determined than she ever seen him before. It shook her to her core. It looked like he had been thinking about this all night. _Had he been thinking about this all night?_ "We aren't in love. I realize that. But a marriage doesn't _have_ to be that." He smirked a little. "I- we." He frowned as he struggled to find the words. "A marriage doesn't have to be about love – it can be about family."

 _Family._

"I know how much you love Madi and I know she loves you too. You two are amazing to watch. It's incredible to watch both of you grow together, and I can't imagine that getting taken away from you." He sucked in a breath through his teeth. Before he could say anything else, Clarke was already speaking.

"But you're throwing away _your_ life," she insisted. "You can't just marry me because you want me to keep her!"

"It's not only about that," he insisted, a sombre look falling on his face. "I love Madi, too," he said, his voice taking on an emotion Clarke wasn't familiar with. She'd only heard him speak like this a handful of times before; all of them involving Octavia. "I know we're not as close as you two are, but I… I don't want to see her go either. She deserves a family; she deserves _you_ as a family, Clarke."

There it was again. _Family._

"You know family is so important to me, right?" He didn't need to wait for her answer. They both knew he valued family ties more than anything. "What if I said that _I_ want this too? Not for you, not to make you happy, or not to make things work out. But… _me. This_ could be my family, Clarke."

Clarke was stunned by his words. All of her protests died in her throat. Her facial expression softened. The frenzy she had felt inside has simmered out.

"You'd want this too?" Her voice seemed small and so unsure. _She felt so unsure._

She had been insistent in her mind _not_ to accept his offer, even if she wanted to. _It was for his sake._ Hearing that he wanted this for himself too put her at a loss for words.

"I already consider you part of my family," he told her. "You're my best friend. We've been through so much together, supported each other, _love_ each other." She chewed her lip, in deep thought.

 _We love each other, but not in the way a married couple does._

"But… _Bellamy."_ She ran her hands through her hair a few times. "This won't work. _It won't._ We aren't actually married. They'll want to see wedding photos and hear about our relationship and see our house. We don't even live together! We… Oh, gods." Her head fell into her hands.

Truth be told, _she was thinking about it._ It was such a tempting offer. He was right; it would solve all of the issues the agency had with her adopting Madi.

She was actually running through the loops they would have to jump through in her head. Her mind seemed to have skipped past the stage of denial without her permission.

 _No. He can't do this. He can't. We can't._

Her voice of reason was growing quieter and quieter as the seconds passed.

Bellamy had fallen silent at her questions. Wedding photos, relationship information, a house. _There was so much more than just agreeing to be married and spending time with the kid._ There would be so much more than just _agreeing_ to be a family.

Of course, he knew that. He _wanted_ to be a family, too. He wanted to drive her to school in the morning, and pack her a lunch for school, and cheer her at her soccer games during the evenings (did she even play soccer?).

But the _actually_ relationship stuff with Clarke hadn't been something he was thinking about.

"It would work," he told her again. "You're still down on the lease here. For all they know, we've been living together for the last couple of years. It's _literally_ documented that way. They don't have to know whether we've been dating or not. We could've been dating the whole time we lived together."

 _Good point._ She'd only moved out a few weeks ago, electing to live with another one of her friends once Echo moved it. She wanted to give Bellamy and Echo privacy, and how awkward would it be if she was living with the two of them?

 _Oh, gods._

"What about Echo?" Clarke peeked at Bellamy between parted fingers. "If we _do_ actually do this… If we actually _get married_..." She swallowed thickly at that. "Where does that leave her?"

Bellamy fell silent again at that. She took his silence as conformation that things wouldn't work. Clarke let out a puff of air, letting her head fall back into her hands. She knew this wasn't possible. She tried not to feel too disappointed by it.

 _Oh, gods. She got her hopes up for nothing._ She actually started to think of doing it. She ran through all of the steps they'd have to go through. She started imagining what life would be like.

She could almost see Bellamy going to pick up Madi from school if she was caught up in a shift at work. She could almost see Madi falling asleep in their living room, too tired to finish her movie. She could see Bellamy completely missing the target while the three of them went to do archery.

 _She was imagining them as a family._ A family was something she hadn't had in years; it was something she hadn't had since before he dad died.

"She'd understand."

His words turned all of the air in the room to dust. Clarke sucked in a sharp breath, her eyes stinging from the dryness lingering in her throat. Her head spun and her limbs went completely numb.

" _What_?"

Bellamy chewed on his lip. "Do you remember what I told you last night?" Clarke swallowed thickly and thought back to only a few hours previous.

 _Of course._ Echo had been sleeping on the couch. Bellamy said they were breaking up.

"Yes."

"And you remember why we're breaking up?" He didn't give her a chance to answer. "It's because we have different goals and priorities in life. Those are things you just can't ignore." He sighed. " _A family,_ Clarke. She doesn't want that.

"We were talking last week about nothing specific, just offhand comments and jokes about our future. I mentioned that I wanted kids. She mentioned that she didn't." He ran his hands through his hair. "That's something I won't compromise on, and I would never ask her to compromise herself either." He sighed. "We know what we want in life and we can't find that with each other."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He shrugged. "We've both talked about it and we're in agreement. We are both leaving the relationship on good terms. We just want what is best for each other." There was a long pause. "So, she'll understand. This is what I want to do." He settled his features and locked eyes with Clarke. Her eyes burned.

"I can't ask you for this," she croaked out. "You can't give up your own life just for me – and not for Madi either. That's not fair for you." Bellamy reached out for Clarke's hand, taking it in his own. She startled, glancing up once again.

"I want this, Clarke." He squeezed her hand. " _A family._ We could be a family." _A family._ Her heart yearned for that. "I never thought I would want one so soon, but _this is it_. I always believed that I would know something is right when I see it, and this is just one of those things. I know it's right. I know it's what I want." He shrugged. "Plus, I don't think I would be too proud of the fact if I never _tried_ to make this happen, especially when I know it's something I would want later in life. It's never been a question of _if_ I want children."

Clarke shook her head, still determined to stick to her decision. _No. She couldn't accept this._ This was asking too much.

"Bellamy…"

Changing tactics, his lips pressed together tightly. "Would you do it for me?" His voice was strong. He still held that same determination from earlier. "If, when my mother died, Octavia was going to be taken away from me, would you just sit back and let it happen? Especially if you knew you could help?" _No._ "Especially when you knew that you wanted a family, too. Would you have let them take her away? Or would you have offered the same thing I just did?"

"I would do anything to help," she told him honestly. She didn't even have to stop and _think_ about that answer. If he was about to lose his family, she would have done anything in her power to stop that.

"And would you see it as throwing out your life?"

"No." Because, she wouldn't have been. Her life would have just been different. She would have _them_ as a family. Her life wouldn't have ended in that situation; a new one would have started.

"I feel the same way, Clarke. I'm not throwing out my life with this decision. I'm making a change to it; a huge one. But I want it. _I really want it."_ His voice softened. "I want a family. _Our family, Clarke;_ Madi, you, and me."

Her throat constricted at that. Every argument in her head vanished. Her reluctance disappeared.

 _He wasn't doing it just for her. He was doing it for himself, too._

"A family," she agreed. He nodded firmly.

"I want this if you do." For the life of her, she couldn't look away from his eyes even if she wanted to. _Because she wanted this too. She wanted a family with him._

"I do."

"Then," he said, a soft smile spreading across his face, "let's get married."

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed! This first chapter is basically setting up the rest of the fic, but I hope it was still enjoyable to read.**

 **As for the next update, I hope it is soon, but I also have another WIP for Bellarke (it's Bellarke in The Hunger Games, if you're interested in it), so it might be a little later than I hope.**

 **I hope you enjoyed. Comments and kudos are majorly appreciated! This is my first time doing a fic filled with so many tropes, but I hope you all enjoy it!**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2: The First Lie

**Thank you for the wonderful response on the first chapter. This second chapter was calling my name today, so I decided to edit and publish it right away. Fair warning: usually my updates are further in-between.**

 **Warning: minor swearing, mentions of alcohol**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 2: THE FIRST LIE**

* * *

 _June 7_

* * *

Things were happening too fast. It was only two days after their spontaneous decision, but Clarke's life had flipped upside down.

The adoption agency was surprised at the appearance of Bellamy. _Too surprised, actually._ They were suspicious and doubted the legitimacy of it all, even if they never said so outright. Who gets engaged _so conveniently_ after their application was denied on the base of money and time, both problems which would be solved after their marriage?

Well, to be fair, their story wasn't very convincing. They both knew they couldn't play off their relationship as a long-term one, despite their original ideas. Too many people knew Bellamy and Echo were dating, and they couldn't exactly sweep that one under the rug.

So, instead, they turned to Octavia. The night before Clarke had her meeting with the adoption agency to update them about her status, they begged Octavia to help them think of a convincing story. Bellamy hated to admit it, but Octavia was probably the best schemer both of them knew. He had no idea where she had picked the skill up from (not from him, he insisted), but he was thankful for it in that moment.

Clarke was always told that the best lie was based off the truth, so that's exactly what they did. Their story was _so_ close to the truth that it was almost easy to forget it wasn't real. The reality of it was that they lived together for years, but never were romantically involved.

"I can work with that," Octavia claimed, a piece of licorice hanging from her mouth. In exchange of helping her brother, he handed over his stock pile of sweets as payment. Clarke couldn't help but be amused at their odd relationship.

In the end, they decided they would have to run with the idea of their relationship being spontaneous. Too many people knew they were just roommates and that he was dating Echo for them to successfully pull off a story of them dating for more than a few weeks.

Octavia said they would have to claim they were both romantically interested in each other for years to make it seem real. They had been dancing around feelings for each other, each of them realizing and wanting something more than a friendship with the other at different times. _It never worked out._ It was too complicated, too risky, and never the right time.

Once Bellamy started dating Echo, it was too much for Clarke, and she moved out. As soon as Octavia suggested it, Clarke rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"Hey. I'm working with the situation here," she defended herself. Clarke wasn't happy that _she_ was the one to run away from things. _She wouldn't do that._ Right?

Whatever. Once Clarke was out of his daily life, Bellamy realized exactly how much he needed her. There was something missing from his life as soon as she was out of it. He missed cooking dinner together, or bickering over movies, or attempting (and failing) to play _Cards Against Humanity_ with only two players.

During those weeks of separation, he realized he loved her. He proposed to Clarke as soon as he put it together. They were both too passionate about each other to keep waiting for marriage. _They already danced around their relationship for years._ They both knew they loved each other and got along well – why wait?

Octavia had a better way of phrasing it. "You two were _idiots_ and you both decided to square the eff up and do something about it."

Yup. The youngest Blake had a way with words.

The night after talking to the agency, Clarke was unpacking one of her boxes that she had just brought up from her car, Bellamy was leaning over the stove in the adjacent room, attempting to make _something_ they could eat between lifting boxes, and Octavia was lounging on the couch.

After a long stretch of silence, she waved her finger at Clarke. "You need to prove your relationship to them," Octavia insisted, her feet dangling off the back of the couch. While Octavia was only a year younger herself, she looked like a child in that moment.

"And a marriage doesn't prove that?" Clarke quipped, lifting her video game console out of its box. She smiled briefly as she shoved it back into the still empty space on her shelf. She had been gone for such a short amount of time that Bellamy hadn't rearranged anything once her stuff was gone. It was like she hadn't even left.

Both Clarke and Bellamy had decided to keep things quiet. She still wasn't too sure what she would tell her friends; would she tell them the truth or this fabricated story about being in love with Bellamy for years? She hated lying to the people she cared about the most, but she couldn't exactly tell them the truth. It would be putting the whole adoption process in jeopardy.

Clarke had to lie through her teeth when Raven walk in on her packing. During those brief weeks between moving out and moving back in with Bellamy, she had crashed on Raven's couch. She had managed to convince her that she was simply moving back in with Bellamy because he broke up with Echo. _There was no other motive behind her sudden move_. The mechanic was never one to pry, so she didn't ask for more details than what she was given. Clarke had never been more thankful for that before.

The only people that knew the truth were Octavia and Echo. Echo had to be told the truth partially, because of how involved she was in the situation. Bellamy couldn't live with himself if he told her the fabricated story they came up with. He couldn't imagine telling her he was in love with Clarke and had been for years – it wasn't fair to her to wonder how much of her relationship with Bellamy was real. He told her the truth; he was platonically marrying his best friend so they could adopt a child together.

Surprisingly, Echo actually _believed_ him. Clarke half expected her to call him a liar because the story was so farfetched. But Bellamy was right about her. She wasn't confused and upset, but _happy_ for him.

She took it well and moved out within a day, heading to live some of her other friends. While Clarke was worried she would blow their whole plan by accident, Bellamy assured her that Echo was trustworthy and wouldn't do anything like that. While she wasn't sure about that, she relented. She trusted Bellamy and if he trusted Echo, that was good enough for her.

Octavia knew the truth because, well… _it was Octavia_. The day Bellamy could lie to his sister about anything more than a Christmas present would be the day the world ended. Plus, it was nice having his sister in on the truth; it gave her someone to talk to. She was brilliant and cunning, and actually had pretty decent ideas about how to make this dumb plan of theirs work.

"A marriage proves nothing," Octavia promised her, drawing Clarke back into the conversation. She kicked off the couch, walking up lazily to Clarke. She reached for Clarke's left hand, bringing it up to her face. She pretended to study her bare left finger. After a few dramatic seconds, she locked eyes with the blonde. "Bellamy got you a _beautiful_ ring. There are so many diamonds that the light reflecting off of them makes it invisible!" Clarke stifled a laugh at her exasperated tone. Octavia whipped around, her expression not impressed. "Bellamy!"

A few moments later, Bellamy poked his head out from the kitchen. "What?"

"You didn't get your _beautiful fiancée_ a ring?" At hearing those words, Clarke blushed. Just thinking about being engaged was something that was so bizarre. The fact that her fiancé was Bellamy was something she hadn't even wrapped her head around. Octavia groaned. "Clarke, you can't blush every time mentions you two together. It's a dead giveaway." She spun to face her brother again. "Another dead giveaway is the lack of engagement ring! Geez. No wonder that adoption agency didn't believe that crap story." Bellamy glowered. "You two need some serious planning here."

"What? Why?" Clarke stuck her nose in the air, trying to ignore the pounding of blood in her ears and the flush in her cheeks. "I think we're doing pretty damn well, thank you very much."

"Yeah. Echo is moved out. Clarke's moved back in. She's talked to the adoption agency. We're doing good," Bellamy said. He flashed Clarke a smile, one that she could only return half-heartedly.

Octavia waved her hand in the air, dismissing their arguments. "Those are all _preliminary_ steps, but nothing of _actual substance_." Octavia walked back to the couch, flopping back into it. "You're both lost causes."

They were both silent for a long moment. Clarke chewed on her lip and examined her bare left hand, feeling torn on the whole situation. _Octavia did have a point._ She needed a ring. And she needed to get a handle on her blushing situation. She couldn't exactly act awkward every time someone mentioned the fact she was engaged or married.

"Well…" Bellamy gave Clarke an unsure look. He reminded her of an awkward teenager asking his crush to prom. "We can go ring shopping later, if you wanted?" Once again, Clarke's cheeks lit up in a blush. _Who would've thought she would be going shopping for her engagement ring with her best friend?_ Strange, strange, strange.

"Oh my gods, Clarke. Maybe _you're_ the lost cause here." Octavia chucked a pillow at Clarke, who batted it away easily. "Stop blushing every time someone mentions you marrying my brother!"

"It's something I can't control!" Clarke insisted. "I'm just not used to it."

"Well, get used to it. You're marrying him." She blew a loose strand of hair from her face. She looked between the two of them, her face deadpan. "Have you two even kissed yet?"

Clarke's face burned brighter and Bellamy began choking on the air he was breathing. "O!" he snapped.

" _Oh come on, you two!_ You're acting like you've never smickety smacked someone before."

"What the hell is that?" he asked, flustered. He waved his hand, dismissing his question. "Whatever. Need I remind you that we aren't _actually_ getting married?" Octavia narrowed her eyes.

"Need I remind you, big brother, that _that_ is exactly what you're doing. You're getting married. I thought that was the whole point?" Bellamy fell silent at that.

"What I meant was we aren't getting married for the _traditional reason_ ," he snapped. "We aren't in love. We aren't having a formal ceremony. We aren't _kissing_ because we don't need to." Octavia actually laughed.

"You two are such idiots." She glanced at Clarke again, a sly smile on her face. "Now, you told me that your adoption agency doesn't believe the situation?" Clarke nodded. "And how would eloping look to them, huh?"

"Lots of people elope," Bellamy insisted. Clarke chewed her lip, a sudden realization coming over her.

"But it'll just look more suspicious," Clarke pointed out, a funny feeling in her chest. "It'll just be another thing that makes this look like a set up."

"Bingo. While eloping is common and there's one hundred percent nothing wrong with it, they'll _want_ to see photos, in your case. You two have to go the extra mile to convince them you two are legit." Octavia looked giddy. "You two are going to have a wedding ceremony!" Bellamy shook his head.

"I don't get it. How would a wedding ceremony help us?"

"It looks like you put in more effort," Octavia said. "You'll have to do a lot more planning for a wedding than what you would normally do for just eloping. Planning takes extra effort. Extra effort means more time and energy and money. More of those things means you two are more serious and have _thought_ about this." She shrugged. "If they weren't suspicious already, eloping would be just as good as a wedding ceremony. But they think this is all shit – which it is – so you'll need to do whatever it takes to convince them. A ceremony will convince them. Trust me."

"Oh, yeah, trust you," Bellamy grumbled, headed back into the kitchen. "Your legal experience literally comes from watching _Judge Judy_ and _Suits_."

"And _How to Get Away with Murder,_ " Octavia corrected.

Bellamy didn't look too impressed. "My mistake. _That's_ show that makes you a legal expert. Why _shouldn't_ I trust you?"

"That's the spirit!" Octavia smirked before turning to Clarke. "Do _you_ agree?" She nodded her head slowly. Bellamy gawked at her.

"All this time, I thought we would just be eloping…" Her throat felt tight. "You're right though. Eloping can be done with more spontaneity. A wedding ceremony takes a little more coordination and time." Octavia nodded.

"Good, so we're in agreement," she said.

Clarke felt nervous. Somehow, a wedding ceremony hit her harder than before. It wouldn't be something she could do in an office. A wedding ceremony would be in front of guests, and she would be wearing white, and there would be an exchange of vows. _It was too close to the ceremony she imagined she would have as she grew up._

Clarke's throat was so tight she could barely swallow.

The extra mile they would have to take to make this all look real would kill her. _Oh, gods._ She was going to be marrying Bellamy Blake.

 _She was going to marry her best friend._

* * *

 _June 8_

* * *

"I don't want to," Clarke groaned, her head buried under her pillow. Octavia was poking her shoulder, clearly not taking no for an answer.

"Listen, if I'm going to be the maid of honor, I'm going to my job properly. Now, get up." Clarke poked her head out so she could see her.

"My maid of honor, huh?" Octavia smiled coyly.

"Of course. I just assumed you'd want your future husband's sister as a bridesmaid, and then I got thinking, you'll need someone up there that knows the truth. You know… Just in case you try to run away or something."

Clarke sat up, the smile wiped from her face. "I wouldn't run away," she snapped. "We're doing this. We're full in. No regrets or doubts from either of us."

Octavia smirked. "That's what you say now, but you're marrying _my brother._ I love him, but I can't imagine a situation that doesn't involve any girl running away in terror."

She looked at her, not impressed. "I've lived with him for years. There's not much to be scared about."

"Hm." Octavia leaned back, a thoughtful expression on her face. "I guess you're right. Looks like I won't be a bridesmaid then. I don't really care. It was just a joke anyways, an-"

"No, O." Clarke's face softened. "You're the perfect choice for a bridesmaid. And I'd love for you to be my maid of honor, considering the situation. You're the only one the truly knows what's going on, and I'm sure that'll be useful for planning the wedding." The younger Blake beamed.

"Great!" She tugged on Clarke's arm. "Now, as the _official_ maid of honor, you need to get up. We have a wedding to plan."

* * *

 _June 9_

* * *

The date was set. In two weeks, they would married.

They thought the sooner they did this, the sooner things would fall into place. Why prolong the inevitable? They both knew they were getting married – completely platonically, of course. They both were in agreement that they were getting married to adopt Madi. What was the point in waiting? Neither of them really cared about the ceremony, so, even with most venues and options booked up from the short notice, they didn't care.

In fact, Clarke couldn't care if they got married in the abandoned house down the road. The only motivation she had for having a ceremony was for the sake of it looking good for anyone who cared.

Other than the date, there was nothing else set. It was four days after they decided on this agreement, but it felt like a lifetime to Clarke. They only had two weeks to plan a full wedding.

Maybe it was a good thing she didn't actually know what went in to planning a wedding. She was sure if she knew of all the work that would be needed to be done, she would've passed out.

She sat on the couch, a wedding magazine in her hands. Bellamy sat on the opposite end of the same couch, his nose buried in a similar magazine. He insisted on helping her with every aspect of the day, which she was more than grateful for. She knew he didn't have to, considering they weren't getting married for _his_ reasons. It was because of her that they found themselves in this situation in the first place.

"What colours are we going with?" Bellamy asked, looking over the edge of his magazine. He glanced down at the notepad he held on his lap, with several notes scribbled across it. Clarke smiled fondly at that. _Once a nerd, always a nerd._

"I don't know. Do we need colours?" Clarke glanced back at her magazine, her eye combing through pictures to see if anyone else had themes. _They did_. All of them had some colour theme. _Damn it._ This was harder than she thought it would be.

"I think so?" He groaned loudly, his magazine falling to his lap. "This would be easier if I actually planned a wedding before, you know?" Clarke smirked at that.

"Ditto. I don't even know where to start. And we only have two weeks."

Well, at least she didn't care much about the finer details. It didn't really matter to them if things looked pretty or if they had a colour theme or if they were missing certain elements. They weren't doing this wedding for them. They were doing this wedding for Madi – _for their family_.

"Why don't we start with something easy?" Bellamy suggested. He pulled a loose piece of paper from under his notepad. "Octavia gave a list of venues still available and willing to host a wedding ceremony." He squinted his eyes, trying to decipher Octavia's handwriting. "Oh. And reception too, apparently." Clarke scrunched her nose.

"Do we really need all of that?" she wondered out loud. "I mean... we were originally just going to sign a paper. Now we're going full out?

"Do you not want to?" Bellamy asked, glancing up. "I mean... Octavia has a point. This needs to look realistic. And if we're going to convince anyone, we're going to need to go full out." Clarke bit her lip.

"But why do we need a reception?"

Bellamy smirked. "I'm pretty sure that's the actual _fun_ part of the wedding. Terrible speeches, dancing, watching our friends embarrass themselves."

Clarke had to agree that sounded tempting. Jokingly, she narrowed her eyes. "You're telling me that marrying your _love of your life_ isn't the actual fun part of the wedding?" she asked in mock horror.

"My mistake," he said, catching onto Clarke's teasing. "Of course becoming your husband will be the highlight of the night. _No._ The year."

 _"_ _Only the year?_ " Clarke snorted. She scooted down their couch, settling herself beside him so their knees brushed. "You have some pretty low expectations for this wedding," she teased. "At least I know marrying my husband will be the highlight of my life."

"Oh, really?" Bellamy teased. "I'm the light of your life?"

"Mm. _Totally_. Just don't let it go to your head."

"Too late."

Clarke chuckled and peered over his shoulder to read his notebook.

"A reception would be fun," she agreed. One of the first things to catch her eye on the notebook was the words _guest list._ Her good mood instantly disappeared. "I guess we need to create a guest list, right?" She sighed into her hands, already dreading this conversation. "People will actually need to be there. You know, our friends, family – just the people we're lying to." Clarke's heart lurched painfully at that.

"We're not really lying," Bellamy offered, his voice measured. "We're getting married, and that's all they really need to know, right? I mean, our story isn't so far off the mark that it's unbelievable."

"That's the problem," she insisted. "We're going to have to tell them this story that isn't true. That we're in love and have been for years. That we're getting married out of love." Bellamy sent her a funny look.

"We are getting married out of love, in some way. We're doing this because we love Madi. We're doing this because we love each other. Not in the way a husband and wife do, but there's still love." He cleared his throat, his eyes falling back to the piece of paper in his hands.

"You're right. What are you thinking?" She asked, glancing at the list of venues.

"Somewhere not too big," he said. "We don't have too many people we're going to invite. We don't want it to look empty."

Clarke scanned the list. There weren't too many options to begin with, most places being already booked or not available for short notice.

Nothing jumped out at her.

She sighed and leaned away again, glancing at Bellamy.

"Maybe you can pick? You should have the most say since you're being forced into this." He barked out a laugh.

"First of all, I'm not being forced into anything. Secondly, I know what you're playing at. Stop disguising you not wanting to pick a venue as it being special privileges for me." Clarke stuck out her tongue at him. He knew her too well for that to work.

"Fine." She chewed on her lip. "I don't have an opinion though. I really don't care." Bellamy shrugged.

"I don't care either. We could get married in Monty's backyard, for all I care." Clarke knew he was trying to be funny, but his words left her feeling hallow.

What would they tell their friends? How would they react to the news they had been secretly in love for years and were getting married in two weeks? _How_ were they even going to tell them? It wasn't the easier conversation to have.

 _It was something that had been eating away at her ever since their plan went into action._

"How are we going to tell everyone?" Clarke wondered out loud. Bellamy set down the piece of paper, turning to look at her. "How do you think they'll react?"

Bellamy puffed out his cheeks. "I don't know. Octavia said Lincoln was thrilled when she told him, if that helps."

"It doesn't." She wrung her hands together. She couldn't stop thinking about how Wells or Raven would react. "What do you think about Monty and Jasper?"

He shrugged. "I'm sure they won't care. Harper and the two of them are too kind to say anything bad to our faces." Clarke snorted at that. "I'm going to guess Murphy has something to say about it."

"I don't even want to think about Wells or my mother," she groaned. "Raven _should_ be okay after I talk to her about it. She'll be surprised for sure."

They were silent for a minute, too lost in their own thoughts.

"We should do it soon," she said. "And in person." He agreed.

"Them finding out from their invitation would probably be jerk move," he said. Clarke rubbed her temples. _Invitations_. She forgot about invitations.

She was hit with a startling realization that made her stomach feel like it had turned to lead. _There were so many things they needed to purchase. There were so many things they needed to organize._

"How are we going to afford all of this?" she asked, adding invitations to their to-do list with a trembling hand.

 _Engagement ring. Wedding rings. Wedding dress. Suits. Bridesmaid dresses. Bridesmaids. Groomsmen. Venue. Guest list. Cake. Flowers. Officiate. Photographer. Legal papers. Wedding reception. Invitations._

There was so much to do – more than she thought at first – and it all cost _so much_ money. Everything she had saved up would be necessary for Madi's adoption; she could only set aside a few hundred dollars for this wedding. Every other spare dollar went towards bills and living.

"We'll make it work," he promised. He shifted uneasily. "Besides, I have money set aside for a wedding."

Clarke blinked slowly, turning to look at him. She didn't think it was possible, but somehow he managed to make her feel even _more_ nervous. _He was freaking offering his money for the wedding?_

"You _what_?" she shrieked, her heart plummeting to her stomach. He shrugged, acting nonchalant. Clarke didn't believe his act for one second. He knew the enormity of what he was offering.

 _She couldn't accept whatever he was saying. No. No way._

"I have money set aside for my wedding," he repeated. "When my mom died, she left us everything for our futures. Octavia has used a chunk of hers for school. Since I already had my degree and a bunch of my loans paid off, I decided I would save the rest for whatever I wanted." He grinned at her. "A wedding."

"No." She shook her head. Her heart was racing for all the wrong reasons. "No way in hell are you using money your mother left you to pay for our _fake_ wedding. I won't let you!"

"Our wedding will be very real; it's our marriage that will be fake." Bellamy grinned cheekily. She didn't return it. Bellamy's expression turned more serious. "It's fine, Clarke. I'm offering because I want to, not because I feel obligated. It's okay."

"No, it really isn't." She had guilt eating away at her stomach. She wouldn't let Bellamy use his savings for their fake wedding. Everything was _so_ wrong about that. "We're only doing this for me. Why should you spend money you've saved for your future in our fake marriage?"

"First of all, we aren't doing this only for you," he reminded her. "We're getting married to accomplish the same goal here; to have a family." His eyes met her for a brief second. There was an emotion in them that made everything inside of her still. "And, Clarke, you are my future," Bellamy commented. There was a softness in him Clarke hadn't recognized before. "Madi is my future. _This family is my future._ This is for her, too. This is for _us._ A family. _Our_ family." Those words sparked something inside of Clarke. _Our family_ was something she could never get tired of hearing.

"But don't you want to save it for when you get married for real?" she pressed. "We both know this is only temporary."

 _Temporary._ She didn't think she would ever associate that word with a marriage, but there was no other way to phrase it. They both knew they couldn't be in a fake marriage forever.

"I'll have enough," he promised her. Clarke sent him an unsure look. "You know how much her life insurance was worth. You helped me sort through that legal crap." She nodded slowly. That still didn't make her feel any better. "Then you know I'm right. There will be enough for this and for whatever else I want to do in the future."

"No, Bellamy." While he was right with his math, she couldn't accept it. "It's a waste of money!" He snorted.

"Just think of this as the best party of the year, not a wedding, and you'll be fine." He glanced at her. He could tell she wasn't wavering. "I want to, Clarke."

"Bellamy, I-" Clarke never got the chance to finish her sentence. Their discussion was interrupted by a knock at the door. She sent him a stern look, letting him know he wasn't off the hook. "We'll discuss this later," she warned as she got off the couch, setting her magazine down on the table. Bellamy mumbled something before turning back to his magazine.

Clarke opened the door and was nearly knocked over the by ferocity of a hug. She let out a strangled gasp as Raven squeezed the life out of her. Both girls stumbled back a few steps, both thrown off by the momentum.

"I've been calling for hours but your phone is off!" The mechanic pulled away, clearly concerned. Her eyebrows were pushed together and her eyes frantic. "I was worried about you. Are you okay? What happened?"

"What happened?" she echoed, confused. "Nothing. What do you mean?" Raven narrowed her eyes. She was not impressed by Clarke's answer.

"Screw off," she snapped. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Griffin. You say you're moving out from the apartment you share with Bellamy. I offer my place. You live with me. We're good. It's fun. There's a lot of watching _Friends_ and drinking wine. Then _boom_! You just… leave! I come home early one day to find you packing! You kept mumbling about Bellamy and moving back in and other stupid stuff like that." Raven paused, almost as if she just realized what she said. "No offence, Bellamy." She didn't wait for an invitation to come in. She slipped off her shoes and turned to Clarke, her eyes critical. "Seriously. What's going on?"

"I'm fine," Clarke promised her. And, in some weird way, that was the truth. While she had been falling apart only days beforehand, now that she had a plan and was acting on it, she felt okay. _She felt like things would turn out okay_.

Even if she was marrying her best friend.

Raven examined her carefully, looking for any hint she was lying. Finding none, she let out a tiny smile. "You're a mess, Clarke Griffin."

She pulled her into a hug, one which Clarke went more than willingly. Even though she was fine, she needed comfort. She was in a messed up situation. Either she was going to lose the child she considered a daughter, or Bellamy was going to become her husband. And even if he did become her husband, there was no guarantee that the agency would let her adopt Madi.

 _Now, that was an outcome they hadn't even discussed yet._

"Thanks for coming to check on me," Clarke said, pulling away from the hug. Raven gave her a brief nod before heading towards the living room.

"Bellamy," Raven said as a greeting. "Why is my best friend living with the likes of you again?"

"Mmm, don't know. Guess she couldn't resist my cooking." Raven snorted and shook her head affectionately.

"Considering she didn't live with me permanently and we would watch every rerun of _Friends_ , I'd have to say there's something else going on her. Sorry, _Friends_ trumps your cooking everyday." Raven's tone _was_ joking, but Clarke could sense there being some suspicion underneath.

"Uh." He glanced at Clarke, a helpless expression on his face. Realizing the corner Raven had backed him into, Clarke did the only logical thing.

 _Food. That would be a good distraction._

"Do you want pizza?" she called, breaking Raven and Bellamy's intense stare. Clarke was already pulling up the landline from its home on the wall. "I want pizza. Hey? Bellamy? Pizza?"

"Pizza is good. Pizza is great, actually." He looked weary and Clarke sent him a lopsided smile.

As Clarke phoned in their usual order, she kept watch on her two friends. Bellamy was looking everywhere except Raven, while she was only looking at him. It reminded her of those cop shows Octavia always watched; Bellamy was the suspect while Raven was the interrogator.

It was hilarious, but also terrifying.

 _Oh, gods, what was she going to tell her?_ More importantly, _how_ was she going to tell her she was engaged? Would she tell her the story they agreed on, letting her think they had been in love this whole time? Or should she tell her the truth and risk too many people knowing for the adoption? She trusted Raven with her whole life and this secret, but could she really risk anyone else finding out? Echo and Octavia already knew; that was two too many already.

Clarke hung up the phone, still undecided about what to do with Raven. Bellamy looked at her, a pointed look in his eyes. He got up from the couch, heading towards the kitchen.

"Can you help me clear the table, Clarke?"

She was already moving before he could finish the sentence. _Good._ She needed to talk to him about what to do, too.

As soon as they retreated to the safety of the kitchen with the door shut behind them, she rounded on him, panic in her eyes. "What do we do!?" she hissed. "We haven't even decided what we're telling people!"

"We already came up with the story," he pointed out. His hands were buried deep in his pockets; that was the only sign of his panic and awkwardness. "It's up to you whether or not she should know the truth."

"I don't know!" She chewed on her lip.

"I'll stand by whatever decision you make." He grinned cheekily at her. "Look at me. I already sound like your husband."

"Not the time, Bell," she sighed. Even though she felt panicked, she couldn't keep the smile off of her face at his comment. "Either way, I-"

"Clarke!? _What the hell?_ "

Clarke's heart fell to her stomach. Just based off the tone of Raven's voice, Clarke could tell something was wrong. Bellamy glanced at her, his eyes widened and lips pressed firmly together.

"Well, shit," he muttered under his breath. He must've been thinking the same thing she was. _Something was wrong._ Raven didn't normally sound so suspicious or panicked.

She swore as she left the kitchen. "What?"

Clarke's heart leapt into her throat when she opened the kitchen door. Raven stood over the coffee table, her eyes wide. "Maybe you'd like to inform me what's _actually_ going on here?" Raven questioned, a wedding magazine in her hands. Clarke's mouth instantly went dry at that.

She felt infinitely stupid in that moment. _What was she thinking?_ They were in the middle of planning their wedding; magazines were scattered around the house, Bellamy's notebook was on the coffee table, and their PVR box was full with episodes of _Say Yes to the Dress_ and _Four Weddings_ thanks to Octavia. It would have taken a miracle for Raven not to spot any of the wedding stuff laying around.

"Oh. I... Uh." Clarke's mouth opened and closed multiple times. She was at a complete loss of words. _She was not prepared for this._

Raven turned to Bellamy, her eyes critical. "Bellamy? Is this yours and Echo's? Is that why Clarke moved back here – because you two are moving out?" Raven kept looking back and forth between the two of them, suspicion building in her eyes.

Clarke sighed. She glanced over at Bellamy and gave him a small nod. _They were doing this._ They weren't anywhere near being prepared to tell anyone, but would they ever really be? She doubted it.

 _Now was as good of a time as ever._

"No," Bellamy said slowly. He broke the stare with Clarke and looked towards Raven. "Echo and I broke up. That's why Clarke moved back in."

"What?" Ravens voice softened. Her shoulders deflated the slightest bit. "You two broke up?"

"The other day."

"Damn. I'm sorry. Nobody told me." She sent him a sympathetic look.

"It's fine. It was mutual," Bellamy said with a small shrug. Accepting his answer, Raven glanced back at the wedding magazines across the coffee table, her expression even more confused.

"Then what is this?" She flipped open a few pages. "I mean… It's a wedding magazine. Why do you have this?"

"We have it because I'm getting married," Clarke said, her voice stronger than she thought possible in that moment. She was terrified to find out Raven's reaction. She loved her friend, she really did, but she couldn't prepare herself for the questions that would come from her.

"You're getting married?" she asked, confused. After a long moment, she spoke again. " _To freakin' who_?" Raven asked, her voice colored with shock.

Clarke glanced towards Bellamy, looking for reassurance. He smiled briefly at her. _That was all she needed._ She knew that Bellamy was in her corner, no matter how sideways things went. "Uhm, _actually,_ we're getting married. Bellamy and I."

Raven's visibly stumbled backwards at that and the magazine slipped out of her hands. For a brief moment, the three of them were completely silent. Raven blinked at both of them several times, her voice completely devoid of emotion.

"...What?"

"Clarke and I are getting married," Bellamy repeated. That seemed to break her out of whatever state she had fallen into. Raven sputtered and waved her hand.

"What!?"

In that moment, Clarke knew she had a decision to make. She was still torn about telling Raven the truth or telling her the fabricated story. As much as it hurt, she felt like it was for the best if she stuck to the lie. The more people knew the truth, the bigger the risk that something would go wrong. She couldn't risk having their plan fall through and the adoption application be rejected.

"I know," Clarke said, her voice strong. She was surprised at the conviction it held. "It's sudden, I know. I'm sure you're surprised by it all."

"You could say that!" Raven pressed her hand to her forehead. "Just… I'm shocked. How long has this been going on for?"

"It's sudden to us too," she provided, hopefully trying to curb some of her unease. Clarke knew this whole situation would be worse if her friends felt like they had snuck their relationship behind their backs. _That was the exact opposite of what was reality._ "Ever since I moved out, things started changing."

"That was weeks ago," Raven pointed out. Clarke wasn't too sure what she meant by that. Was she upset Clarke didn't mention anything to when this thing between them had been going on for weeks? Or was she confused over the fact they were already engaged after such a short period of time?

"It was complicated," Bellamy supplied. "But we've lived together for so long that I just sorta took her presence for granted, you know? And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that maybe it wasn't just being her roommate I missed."

"And we talked on the phone constantly," Clarke said. He looked down at her and smirked like she just told a joke. She felt giddy by that.

What she said _wasn't_ a lie. As soon as she moved out, her and Bellamy texted constantly. His name was affectionately _Baguette_ in her phone, while she knew her contact name was _Princess Peach_ in his. She was grateful that she had unlimited talk and text, otherwise she couldn't imagine her bill.

"Yeah, so I knew what I was missing wasn't her friendship, because we basically spent every chance on the phone." He glanced back at Raven. "It was something more. I realized that I loved her for her. I loved her for being more than just my family and my friend."

Raven rubbed her face. "I didn't even know you two were together." She shot Bellamy a suspicious look. "What about Echo? Please tell me you told her everything."

Clarke almost forgot that Raven and Echo had become friends through work. They originally knew each other through Bellamy, but their friendship took on a life of its own when they started working together. Clarke was surprised at how curious Raven was to know her place in all of this.

 _Rightfully so._ That was the person Raven was. She worried and cared about everyone important to her. If she had been in Raven's position, she would've been worried and suspicious too.

"She knows," Bellamy said. "I… Yeah. She knew about everything."

"Is that's why you broke up with her? Because you fell in love with Clarke?" After a brief second, she held up her hands. "I mean, things happen. I know you would never do anything like that on purpose. I'm just curious." She cringed. "I guess I'm nosey, too."

Bellamy didn't look too offended. "Clarke wasn't the reason Echo and I broke up. It was bigger than that. We weren't working for _us._ It had nothing to do with Clarke."

"Oh, okay." Raven chewed her lip and looked back and forth between Bellamy and Clarke.

 _Right. Need to look like a couple._

She reached her arm out towards him in the most natural way possible, wrapping it securely around his waist. Bellamy didn't look outwardly phased by her actions, and returned the partial embrace. He bent over slightly and rested his cheek against her temple.

She couldn't help but smile softly at his ways of show affection. It was so… _Bellamy._ They were so gentle and tender that it made her want to melt.

"So you're actually marrying him," Raven breathed, her hands resting on her hips. Clarke tightened her arm around Bellamy's body.

"I am."

Raven smiled softly at the two of them. Clarke felt her heart rate returning to normal and the tension bled out of her body. She looked… _happy._ Like she had gotten past the stage of surprise and had moved onto something more.

"Shit." Raven examined the two of them for a little longer. "Do you love him?" Raven's pointblank question made Clarke's breath catch in her throat. It was such an innocent question, yet it held so much weight.

"I do. I love him, Raven."

She had said it many times before to him that it had become second nature, but this time it felt like the words weighed more. It felt different.

 _Probably because she was talking about being_ in _love with him._ It _was_ different.

"I don't even need to ask Bellamy this question. Gods, it's so obvious that you have him whipped."

Clarke forced out a laugh while her heart skipped a beat. _It was all pretend,_ she reminded herself. _Just pretend._

"And you're happy?"

She didn't hesitate for a second. "I am."

With those two words, Raven's face broke into a grin.

"Then I'm all for it." Raven rushed forward, reaching for Clarke. Clarke stepped away from her fiancé and was sucked into her friend's arms. "I'm so happy you're happy. You deserve it so much, Clarke." She looked at Bellamy. "Both of you deserve it. _You deserve each other._ "

"Raven," Clarke said, her voice thick with emotion.

Everything she had experienced so far in this whole big mess had been with people that knew the truth. Interacting with Bellamy hadn't been any different than before, talking to Octavia was easy because she knew the truth.

But _this_ , telling Raven, was different. She didn't know this wasn't real. She didn't know this was one big plot to adopt Madi. This was her genuine reaction. It made Clarke feel like she was flooded with emotions over the fact she would've accepted their relationship so easily. If this was real, it was nice for her to know that Raven would always be in her corner to support her.

It made Clarke want to cry. Her friend was holding onto her tighter than she had ever felt before, excitement rolling off of her. She was genuinely happy and excited that she was getting married to Bellamy.

Raven pulled back, a focused look on her face. "You guys probably are thinking a year to plan? Is a year standard? Oh, shit, I've never even helped with a wedding before. Is a year standard?" Raven being Raven had jumped right into planning and formulating. She was always the strategic one between the two of them.

She shifted awkwardly on her feet and glanced back at Bellamy. He smirked at her like he was trying to contain his laughs.

"Actually, we're not waiting a year," Clarke said slowly. Raven froze beside her. "The ceremony will be in two weeks."

"… _WHAT!?"_

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter! A lot of these scenes were ones I thought of immediately when I began drafting this fic. I honestly couldn't get the idea that Octavia would be teasing Clarke and Bellamy about not having kissed out of my mind.**

 **One thing I wanted to mention that was important to me. I tried to be very careful about the way I worded things in this chapter because I didn't want to have my ideas come off differently, but I thought I should just straight out say it down here. I just wanted to be clear that I am not saying eloping is less special/real/important than a wedding ceremony. I REALLY HOPE IT DIDNT COME OFF THIS WAY!  
Honestly, it would make way more sense for Clarke and Bellamy just to elope in this fic, but I really wanna write a ceremony and wedding preparations HAHA. So the whole explanation behind why they're doing a wedding ceremony is a far stretch. The real reason they're having a wedding is because I really freakin wanna write the wedding haha.  
I hope I didn't dismiss how special and meaningful eloping is! That would be the last thing I wanted to do. If you've eloped, that's great! If you've had a wedding ceremony, that's also great! But yeah… Just wanted to be extra clear about that!**

 **Once again, I hope you enjoyed. The next update should be out next Saturday-ish?**

 **To get the more recent updates about this fic and any other of my projects, feel free to follow me on Twitter (Pawprinter1) and Tumblr (pawprinterfanfic)!**

 **Thanks for reading xx**


	3. Chapter 3: The Ring

**A shorter chapter this time around, sorry! The rest of this fic will follow a similar pattern with shorter chapters.**

 **Warning: no warnings I can think of for this chapter**

 **Enjoy**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3: THE RING**

 _June 10_

* * *

The next morning, Bellamy overtook the kitchen table. His planner and several magazines were spread across it, leaving Clarke to eat her breakfast at the countertop.

He had always been an early riser and had been using that fact to his advantage recently, planning aspects of the wedding before she had even woken up.

"I think if we finalize a guest list today, we can work on trying to secure a venue." Bellamy was chewing on the end of his pen, completely absorbed in the work in front of him. Clarke smiled fondly. That was one of the things she loved about him; he always threw himself, heart and soul, into any project.

Clarke walked over to where Bellamy sat, taking the paper he was offering her. Her eyes scanned the listed, her nerves being lit on fire. _All_ of these people would be at their wedding, thinking they were actually in love.

"We have to remind them not to bring a gift," Clarke pointed out absentmindedly as she read. Somehow, both lying to her friends and family _and_ accepting gifts from them felt like crossing a line.

Finally, her eyes landed on one name that sent a chill up her spine. _Abby Griffin._

Sooner or later, she was going to have to tell her mother about her wedding. While they used to be close, their relationship had quickly deteriorated after her father's death. Abby blamed Clarke for a lot of things, one of those was that she wasn't home enough during his final year.

It was a mess. A big and ugly mess. She tried to push through it, but it was just too painful to constantly be reminded of her failures as a daughter. Somehow, she doubted her finding out about her marriage through an invitation would make their relationship stronger.

 _She would deal with that another day._

"It looks good to me." She passed the list back to him, plopping down in the other kitchen chair, and pulling a binder towards herself. "What are you working on?"

"Other than the guest list, I'm trying to get some stuff in order before my sister comes over." He stuffed a few pages he had been writing on into their binder. Octavia would be coming over to continue to work on wedding details – phoning venues and calling caterers – while they went shopping for their wedding and engagement rings.

"We need to think about what type of rings we want," Clarke commented. While it was still weird to be thinking and _talking_ about her wedding to Bellamy, the idea had settled over her slightly. It was their new normal; one that she had adapted to quite easily.

 _That was unsettling in a different way._

"That reminds me." Bellamy lifted a small box from the table, twirling it in his fingers. Clarke's mouth went dry and her heart plummeted to her stomach when she caught sight of the box in his hands. "I, uh. I got you something." He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes. She swallowed thickly.

"Uhm." She wet her lips and let her gaze fall back to the box in Bellamy's hands. Her eyebrows pushed together. "What?"

Bellamy cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly in his chair. "Do you, uh… Do you want me to get down on a knee?"

Clarke sputtered. "Uh. _What?_ _Bellamy?_ "

Instead of dropping to the floor like those cheesy romance movies Clarke loved to watch, Bellamy scooted his chair closer to hers, the small box in hand. She couldn't take her eyes off of his, even if she wanted to. Somehow, the brown had completely swallowed her whole, and the intensity trapped her.

 _Oh gods, Bellamy._ His eyes were burning with intensity, but she could tell he was unsure by the way his fingers fidgeted with box.

"I got you a ring," he said, lifting the box up slightly.

Once he was satisfied with his position on the chair, he opened the ring box, his eyes locked on Clarke's face. She could feel him studying her for a reaction as she regarded the ring inside. Usually staring made her self-conscious, but not this time. All of her attention was directed at the ring in his hands.

 _It was beautiful._ And old. _Very old._ There was no question about that as she looked at it, her mouth slightly agape. It was a simple silver band with a single diamond in the centre, yet it took her breath away.

"I don't know what to say, Bellamy."

It was true, and not just because she was too shocked for words. What was she supposed to say in this situation? _She was already marrying him._ Somehow, saying _yes_ in this situation didn't seem right.

"That's okay. You don't have to say anything."

He took the ring out of the box, holding it out to her, uncertainty in his eyes. She reached for it, her fingers trembling slightly, the adrenaline coursing through her veins making her shake.

"Where is it from?" Clarke took the ring in her fingers, bringing it closer to her eyes to examine it. _It was beautiful, breathtakingly so._

"My mother left it to me," he said slowly, as if he was afraid of her reaction. _Rightly so._ Clarke's head whipped up at that, her hand that held the ring already reaching back to his. Her eyes met his franticly, and she tried her best to convey her emotions.

"No." She tried to place the ring back into his hands. "No, I can't take this, Bellamy." He shook his head, gently pushing her hand towards her body again. "No! It's a family heirloom. It should go to a woman you love and _want_ to marry."

"Clarke," he said, his voice teasing. "I _do_ want to marry you." Seeing that his words didn't make her smile, he tried a different tactic. "Just take it. You don't have to keep it forever." He smiled encouragingly at her. "Whenever we decide to call this thing off, you can give it back."

Clarke's movements froze and her throat closed off for a completely different reason.

 _Right._

 _When we call this thing off._

That was something they hadn't really talked about yet, surprisingly. Clarke had been so focused on the _getting_ married part that she never stopped to consider the getting _un_ -married part.

She knew they wouldn't be together forever. All the marriage was doing was providing an shared income and split parenting time to keep the adoption agency happy and to provide a good home for Madi. How long was he expecting to stay married? A year? Multiple years? Until she was 18?

He kept talking about family – their family – but what did that really mean to him?

She doubted this was the best time to ask, his family ring sitting in the palm of her hand. She pushed that thought to the back of her head, determined to talk to him about it later.

She glanced up at him, a faint smile on her lips, trying her best not to show how his words had made her freeze up.

"You're serious?" Clarke asked, her eyes falling back to the ring in her hands.

"Completely," he promised. "What am I going to do with an engagement ring anyway? I'll be married to you; it's not like I'll be proposing to anyone else during that time."

The corners of her lips quirked up into a half-smile. "Right."

"And I already proposed. It's a done deal," he said teasingly. Clarke scoffed.

"You call that a proposal?"

"I'm not going to ask you to be my wife," he pointed out, his voice teasing. Clarke snorted at his bluntness and glanced back at the ring.

"Way to be romantic, Bellamy." Octavia strolled into the kitchen, surprising both Bellamy and Clarke.

Clarke gasped and whipped her head around to face her _. She hadn't even heard her come into their apartment._ Octavia dropped a catalogue of _gods know what_ on the kitchen counter and went to the fridge.

Clarke glanced between the Blake siblings, a wave of awkwardness coming over her when she caught sight of Bellamy's expression. He glowered at the back of Octavia's head, clearly not impressed by the intrusion. Octavia, on the other hand, looked completely oblivious to

"Octavia… _please_ get out," he sighed, his fingers coming up to rub the bridge of his nose. She glanced back at the two of them, a mixture of confusion and amusement evident on her face.

"I thought you just said you weren't going to ask her." She took a long sip of orange juice from the carton. Bellamy grimaced.

"Get out, O." She rolled her eyes and stuffed the orange juice back in the fridge.

"Fine, fine. I'm going." She strolled out of the kitchen, the door swinging shut behind her.

After Octavia's footsteps had disappeared, Bellamy turned to Clarke, his cheeks puffed out and eyes wide. Clarke laughed breathlessly at his dishevelled expression, her eyes falling back to the ring in the palm of her hand.

"I'm not going to ask you to be my wife," Bellamy said again. Clarke nodded, smiling slightly again at his words. "We're already partners in nearly everything we do, so why not _be partners_ in marriage too?" Clarke softened at his words. So he _was_ proposing in the most Bellamy way possible. "I know you'll say yes, so just… here." As she laughed at his comment, he reached forward and took the ring from the palm of her hand. He glanced up at her for a brief moment before concentrating on her left hand.

The metal was cool against her finger, and the band was too large, but she could help but let the ends of her mouth quirk up at the sight of the engagement ring on her finger. Her heart thumped rapidly, an explosion of emotion moving across her chest.

She quickly pushed back the onset of emotions, convincing herself that _it was just a ring_ so she shouldn't even _feel_ emotional anyways. There was no meaning behind the ring, so why feel anything?

"Thank you, Bellamy," she told him, her voice thick with emotion. She cleared her throat and lifted her gaze to meet his. "It's really beautiful."

"We can get it sized properly," he told her, his eyes critically examining the ring. "I'm sure it'll look better then." Clarke wondered just how long she would be wearing this ring. Would it even be worth it to resize?

She pushed that thought out of her head, allowing herself to feel the flutter of her heart and the warmth in her bones.

 _This was the family she was working towards._

* * *

 _June 10_

* * *

Clarke peered into the glass case, her eyes scanning the rings critically. Bellamy stood beside her, glancing in the same glass cabinet.

"Do you know what you're doing?" he hissed at her, pleading. She snorted softly.

"No clue. I'm just looking. Are there rules to buying wedding rings? Or do we just… pick?" He shrugged.

"I don't-"

"Hi, you two!" Clarke internally cringed as a worker from the jewelry store spotted them. She hoped they could avoid talking to any workers. _Get in. Get out._ At least, that _was_ the plan. "How can I help you?"

"We're just looking, thanks." Clarke smiled politely at the worker, hoping he would leave them to browse. While she had no clue what she was doing, she wasn't too sure if she could play the role of _future wife_ to a completely stranger, and that's exactly what she would have to do if the worker stuck around.

"Is there anything I can help you find?" The worker smiled warmly towards them. "I see you've taken an interest in our wedding rings. Is there possibly a wedding in the future?"

"In a couple of weeks," Bellamy responded. Clarke smiled at that, slipping into her role of an excited fiancée. She had to get used to playing the role of being in love with Bellamy and being excited to marry him.

While she wasn't _not_ excited to marry him, it was different. _They were friends, not in love._

"A few weeks?" The worker's eyebrows rose to hide behind his bangs.

"June 20th," Bellamy said, pulling Clarke to his side. She snorted and rolled her eyes affectionately at his actions. Bellamy was definitely playing it up for the worker and she found it beyond amusing.

"Well, that doesn't leave to much time if you need it customized, but we'll be able to manage." As the worker turned away, Clarke turned to Bellamy, her eyebrows raised.

"What?" he whispered to her as they trailed behind the worker.

Clarke shrugged. "You're acting weird."

"I'm acting like your fiancé." He sent her a cheeky grin before turning his attention back to the worker, who had just began pulling out assortments of rings.

Clarke wrinkled her nose as she seen some of the rings on the showcase surface. She couldn't even begin to imagine those prices. She turned to Bellamy, her teasing expression completely gone.

"This is going to be so expensive," she muttered, her voice weary. Without hesitation, Bellamy wrapped his arm around her shoulders again and swooped down to press a brief kiss to top of her head in comfort.

Clarke stiffened under his lips and her mouth went completely dry. She stumbled into his grasp and pulled her head back the slightest bit, her eyes widened. He met her gaze and smiled softly.

She searched his eyes, looking for any signs of hesitation or _anything_ to give away the fact that he was acting, but she couldn't see anything. Clarke was thrown by how genuine his expression was. She knew better than to believe his act, but it shocked her to the core to see him look at her with such a tender expression. He'd never looked at her like that before.

"We'll manage," he promised her.

She swallowed thickly and pulled her gaze away from his eyes, looking anywhere but at him. _She needed to calm her racing heart._ She was sure that Bellamy could feel it vibrating through her whole body. Her eyes fell on the worker, who was standing behind the showcase, a pleasant smile on his face.

Clarke forced an smile on her face and hoped it was as easy as she thought it was. If they were going to get married, they had to convince everyone they were in love and they were in a relationship. Being shocked by sweet gestures was the biggest red flag she could think of.

 _This is normal,_ she reminded herself. _Two people in love embracing. Being kissed on the forehead. Being looked at with such intensity. It's normal._

"Are you two on a budget?" the worker asked, having overheard some of their conversation from earlier.

"Yeah," Bellamy said, stepping closer to the showcase. "We never really discussed a price range because we had no idea how much wedding bands cost."

Clarke tried to push the thought of Bellamy's arms around her body out of her mind, instead choosing to focus on the rings in the showcase in front of them.

"We're really not wanting to spend much," Clarke said. Even though Bellamy had mentioned that he had enough money saved away to pay for the wedding bands and other aspects of their wedding, she couldn't let him do that. _Especially not on wedding bands._

Weren't the rings supposed to symbolize how true the words spoke were? Weren't they a physical symbol of the love shared between the two people?

 _That wasn't them._ They were having a real wedding to start a fake marriage. They were saying meaningless vows and promising each other with real rings.

She couldn't let Bellamy spend hundreds of dollars on wedding bands that were symbolizing a fake marriage. It was unnecessary and, frankly, stupid.

"What are the prices of the least expensive rings?" Clarke said, leaning forward. The worker pulled out a tray and slid it across the countertop. Bellamy leaned over Clarke and peered at the rings.

There were so many to choose from. How did someone even begin choosing a ring for a marriage? It seemed like there was too much responsibility weighing on this one choice.

 _It isn't forever,_ Clarke reminded herself. Unlike other married couples, they didn't plan to have this choice last forever. There shouldn't have been as much weight or importance put on this decision.

Still, she felt daunted by the task.

"You know," Bellamy began after a brief moment of scanning the tray. "The wedding bands have a special symbolism behind them."

"Of course you would know what it is," she teased, her mood instantly lightening with his words. She glanced up at him and he smirked at her.

 _He was such a nerd,_ she thought affectionately. When they first met, he had been a history and classics major at the university, and his love for details of the past never died even after he graduated.

"The circle is particularly important," he said. He picked up the closest ring and held it in the palm of his hand. "A circle never has an end." He used his finger to demonstrate that fact. A circle was endless, it just went _around and around and around._ "It's infinite _,"_ Bellamy mumbled. "A circle symbolizes many things, but infinity is one of them. That's what marriage is supposed to be – it's supposed to be timeless. Love is supposed to be infinite between partners."

"Mmm. Partners." Clarke bumped her hip against his, a small smile on her face. Bellamy glanced back at her, grinning. _That was the same word he used to describe their marriage earlier._ They were partners. "What else, _Mr. Blake_?"

"Knock it off," he teased her, shaking his head affectionately. Clarke smiled and prompted him to continue. "Well, the only other heavy symbolism that comes with a wedding band is the placement." He placed the ring back on the tray and reached for Clarke's left hand.

Her breath got caught in her throat as his fingers brushed against hers. _Gods, what was up with her?_ They had bumped hands before. Why was she so hyperaware of his touches all of a sudden?

Somehow, touches held a different weight now that they were getting married.

No. Wait. _Thoughts were getting muddled in her head._ There really shouldn't have been a difference. They were still only friends, after all. Nothing had really changed between them.

 _They why did she feel like there was more a significance with each touch?_

She didn't have time to contemplate it. Bellamy's hands were moving on hers, drawing her back to the present.

"The left ring finger," he said. His finger tapped on her own. "They used to believe there was a vein that ran from the tip of this finger directly to the heart."

Clarke smiled at that. Being a medical student, she knew that was false, but it was a nice idea. Bellamy was right, there was a lot of heavy symbolism behind that fact. If that finger was directly tied to the heart, that meant a lot. The heart was the organ that was most arguably connected to the idea of love.

"That's really sweet," Clarke conceded, a soft smile on her face. "A vein that goes right to the heart would've been thought of as really important."

"And, of course, a marriage would be important and the ring that symbolized that would have the honor of sitting in such an important position." Bellamy wrapped his arm tighter around Clarke's shoulders, a cheeky grin on his face.

"You two are really sweet," the worker commented, smiling brightly at the two of them. Clarke felt her cheeks flush and she swore in her head. _She shouldn't be blushing every time someone mentioned her and Bellamy._ Octavia warned her against it, and it made sense. _Yet, here she was._

"We don't need an expensive ring," Bellamy said, shifting the conversation back. "No matter the price, the symbolism will still be the same; a circle to represent infinity, and it being placed on your ring finger to represent the importance of us – of our family."

If Clarke thought she was swooning before, she was wrong. Bellamy's words in that moment made butterflies erupt in her stomach and a lump form in her throat.

Bellamy was sweeter beyond words. She couldn't have asked for a better fake soon-to-be husband. He made her heart race and cheeks flush without even trying.

 _Whichever girl who_ actually _ends up marrying him will be very lucky,_ Clarke thought, a twinge of pain in her chest.

The worker drew their attention back in by pulling out a few sample rings. Clarke couldn't shake the feeling of _something_ being different between her and Bellamy. Her fingers felt like they were tingling and her heart felt like it was racing.

She couldn't get her mind off of thinking about Bellamy's soft expression either. _His tender eyes. His soft smile. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. The way his lips felt against her hair._

She glanced at him again and felt her breath get caught in her throat. The way he was intensely looking at the rings threw her. The fact he was seriously debating the options in front of them and was so set on finding the right ring for their _relationship_ did strange things to her heart.

Clarke forced herself to focus on the rings in front of them. Whatever was going on with her around Bellamy would have to be dealt with later. Right now, she had to help pick their wedding rings.

* * *

 **Sorry, I know it was super short! I've actually been dreading writing the scene with them picking the wedding rings for months. For some reason, I just couldn't do it! Nothing I wrote sounded good to me, and I just never felt inspired to write that particular scene. Anyway, I'm glad it is finally written and posted!**

 **Have a lovely Christmas, to those that celebrate. If you don't celebrate Christmas, I hope you all have a lovely holiday season! Otherwise, I hope you all have wonderful days.**

 **I'll be double posting today, so see you shortly!**

 **Paw**


	4. Chapter 4: The Announcement

**Here's another update! Consider this a Christmas gift (if you celebrate it like I do). If you don't celebrate Christmas, consider this a gift from me to you based solely on the reason that you are amazing for reading this and ily for that.**

 **Warnings: coarse language, alcohol consumption, adult themes (mentions of pregnancy)**

 **I hope you enjoy this chapter! This first scene was one I have been wanting to write for a long time!**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 4: THE ANNOUNCEMENT**

 _June 11_

* * *

"You look fine," Bellamy said, the repetitious words rolling off of his tongue. Clarke kept adjusting the hem of her shirt and the pieces of her hair as they walked from the parking lot to the restaurant.

"I'm just nervous," she replied, forcing a thin smile onto her face. Bellamy grimaced and looked away. He was clearly nervous too.

It was six days after they settled on their agreement, which meant it was Saturday. Every Saturday, their mutual group of friends would gather at their local restaurant – The Ark – for a fun night. It had been a tradition for as long as Clarke could remember, starting sometime after they all started college.

Usually, it was a night to laugh with her friends and forget her worries. Tonight was different though. _They would be telling their friends about their engagement._

Clarke's hand immediately reached for the engagement ring on her left ring finger. She twisted it around on her finger easily, the band being too large for her. It had come to feel like it always belonged there quite quickly and she had developed a habit of playing with it when she got nervous, which had been too many times to count over the last week. She was glad for it in that moment; it was a perfect distraction from the raging thoughts in her head.

How would her friends take the news? Would they believe them? Would they ask too many questions?

Clarke wasn't too sure what to think. She felt guilty that she had to lie to all of them, but she had come to terms with that, telling herself it was necessary for their situation. _They had to lie so they could get their family,_ and that was something she could live with. Mostly, she was nervous about if they would even believe it and how they would take it if they did.

 _If_ they believed them, how mad would they be that they had been keeping their supposed relationship a secret? Would they be mad that they supposedly kept their feelings for each other hidden for so long? Would they be skeptical? She doubted all of their friends would be as easy-going as Raven, and she doubted they wouldn't ask more questions than she did.

She knew that they would have to work extra hard to convince their friends. After ring shopping, she felt the tiniest more confident that her and Bellamy could pull this off. After all, if someone had assumed they were a couple, others would too… Right?

Clarke didn't have time to ponder it more. She reached for the door to the restaurant, her back stiffening when she spotted her friends.

 _Here we go._

Harper stood up from a booth near the back, waving her hand in the air. Clarke shook her head fondly at her antics. They had gotten the same table every week for the last year and a half, yet her friend always made a point of waving them over.

The rest of their friends were already there; Raven, Monty, Jasper, Murphy, and Wells. Octavia sat a few paces away and Lincoln, her boyfriend, had his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"Finally," Murphy grumbled as they approached, his lips turned into a frown. "They wouldn't let me order until you two were here."

"We do this every week, dumbass. No different since we first started." Harper rolled her eyes after she finished speaking. Clarke didn't doubt that she had been telling him the same thing all night.

"You're despicable," Clarke chided teasingly. Murphy rolled his eyes, but she could see the amusement on his face.

"And don't you forget it."

After the group greeted both of them, they turned back to their conversations. While Clarke had originally been worried that they would be wondering why they were coming together, she was kicking herself now. _Of course_ they showed up together – they did it every week! After all, they did live with each other. _They_ didn't know they had just come from shopping for wedding supplies.

Clarke looked at Bellamy, searching his eyes for something – _anything._ What was he thinking?

She couldn't read him. It was odd – usually they could read each other so well. He glanced at her, determination on his face. She sent him a smile, hopefully trying to reassure him.

 _This would work._

"Bellamy, listen, I need help with this one Greek myth, okay, an-" Jasper leaned over from across the table, drawing Bellamy into a conversation. Clarke couldn't help but watch in amusement as the worry washed off his face like footprints on a beach, being replaced by a look of peace and excitement.

He was such a nerd. It's one of her favourite things about him, if she were to think about it. She always loved to watch him talk about Greek mythology. Seeing his eyes light up, his cheeks grow flushed, and his smile grow wider was breathtaking. It always looked like he was transported back to childhood, and he was staring up at a wall of toys.

 _This felt like normal._

Being surrounded by their friends in a restaurant they ate at every week brought her a sense of normalcy. It seemed to have settled over Bellamy too, as he was acting like normal.

How could things feel so normal even though they weren't?

As Bellamy spoke to Jasper, he reached over and pulled out two chairs, one for himself and one for her. He slipped into the first one without breaking conversation, leaving the second one open for Clarke.

 _That wasn't normal._ It seemed that he was trying to subtly add things to their dynamic. He did it so smoothly that _she_ barely noticed the purposeful shift in dynamics, and she doubted her friends would notice anything out of the ordinary either. They needed their friends to believe this.

Act like a couple. _Right. Easy_. The catch was to act like a couple without acting different than before. _Right… Not so easy._

Clarke slipped into the chair Bellamy pulled out for her and tried to ignore the sudden increase of her heart rate when his arm didn't move from the back of her chair. She felt his thumb brush across the back of her shoulder and she sucked in a quick breath. _Gods,_ what was she doing? _It was just Bellamy._

 _Even if he looked beyond attractive being engrossed in talking about monsters and labyrinths._

Clarke scanned around the table, trying to calm her racing heart. She could feel Bellamy's arm pressed against her back, the warmth seeping into her skin. They had known each other for years and had plenty of physical contact, but this was different.

 _They were getting married._

Her and Bellamy were getting married and _oh gods_ it was happening in less than two weeks. Her lip was between her teeth as she thought of just how _unbelievable_ this whole situation was.

Raven caught her eye from across the table. The mechanic wiggled her eyebrows and sent a pointed look at her, making her shift uncomfortably. She knew exactly what she was thinking; _when will you tell the others?_

 _This was real. This was happening._ Raven knew and, soon, all of their friends would know. She was getting married.

 _They_ were getting married.

Bellamy's thumb brushed against the back of her shoulder blade, breaking her from her thoughts. Her gaze flew to his in response. As Jasper began talking about his analysis, he turned to Clarke. Their eyes locked and he cocked an eyebrow.

She could read him like a book. She guessed that was one of the many gifts that came with being friends with him for years. She would always be able to read him more than she could read herself.

 _What are you doing?_ he seemed to be asking her.

She turned away from him, her jaw set. She knew what he was referring too. They needed to be more like a couple and less like Clarke and Bellamy. They needed to convince their friends without their words, and the only way to do that was through their actions.

 _Act like a couple. Okay. Got it._

She wasn't foreign to dating. She'd had several boyfriends and girlfriends over the last few years, just as Bellamy had several girlfriends. Playing boyfriend and girlfriend wasn't going to be impossible, and it wasn't like they didn't know what they were doing.

Right. So, what would she do if she was actually in love with Bellamy?

Clarke thought about it for a long moment, nothing springing to mind. It was only after a minute of thinking did she realized she would be doing _exactly_ what she was doing already. She would bring him to hang out with friends, encourage him to interact with her friends and hope he would bond with someone, and _have fun._

That's not what she could use. No. She needed to be more obvious than that.

Clarke decided that she would just have to sit closer to him. That would be clear without being obvious, wouldn't it?

It didn't matter. It was better than nothing.

Clarke scooted her chair over a few inches, until it was almost pressed against Bellamy's. She could feel his stare on the top of her hair, but she didn't dare look up at him. They had to act like what they were doing was normal and completely not out of the ordinary.

Normal. _Right_ … _Normal_.

To add the finishing touch, she leaned into his side. It was a long way from cuddling or a partial hug, but she still felt thrown by how _not_ normal this was.

She was never one for friendly touches, especially not compared to Jasper, who went around hugging everyone and leaning into everyone in his general vicinity. Clarke preferred to keep her physical contact limited. It wasn't that she didn't like it – she did – but she also valued her personal space.

Being pressed into Bellamy's side was beyond strange. All she could think about was how warm he was and how close their bodies were. Her arm was squished awkwardly between the two of them and his hand had drooped to rest on her shoulder, and she was thrown by just how intimate this small touch was.

Nobody seemed to notice just how close they were sitting and how unusual it was. Clarke mentally cursed; they needed their friends to start suspecting _something_ was up before they would tell them. If they just came out and said they were getting married, nobody would believe it.

Before she could contemplate it further, she got sucked into a conversation with Harper about her new dog, which she wasn't complaining about. Monty and Harper had been together for almost as long as she had known the both of them, and it seemed that she had finally worn him down into adopting a dog.

If she was being honest, she had to admit that she wasn't _exactly_ paying attention to what she was saying. All she could think about was the large binder at her apartment. _There was so much stuff to do._ Her mind kept bouncing between their wedding binder, her fiancé (holy shit) pressed into her side, and convincing their friends this was all real and happening.

She glanced at Bellamy out of the corner of her eyes. She smiled when she noticed he was still engrossed with his conversation with Jasper. She hadn't really viewed him from this angle before. She was pressed so close to his body and if she glanced up, her nose could brush right against his jaw if she stretched only a bit.

Clarke sucked in a breath at that thought and cursed herself. _Chill._ It was only Bellamy. Her heart shouldn't be racing like it was.

It was only Bellamy.

 _(It was only her fiancé.)_

Those words would never sound normal to her.

"Isn't he cute?" Harper slid her phone across the table, her photo app open and a small golden dog staring up at her. Clarke couldn't help but crack a smile.

"Adorable," she responded. She nudged Bellamy in the side, getting his attention. He peered over her head to see the photo of the dog.

"Cute. You know-"

"Bellamy and I are getting married." The words fell out of Clarke's mouth before she could really think them through. It was eating away at her, and it was always better to rip a Band-Aid off, right?

Judging by the looks on her friend's faces, she was wrong with that assumption. Their group fell into complete silence as they processed her words. The only sound came from Wells, who was chocking on the liquid he just swallowed. The rest of the group looked shocked, with the exception of Raven, Octavia and Lincoln.

"Nice, princess," Bellamy hissed to her. Clarke cringed internally. He was right – she could've done things a little more gracefully. Well, at least she was efficient.

"Excuse me?" Wells managed to get the words out between his coughs. Monty reached around awkwardly and slapped his back. His eyes were locked on Bellamy's in disbelief.

"Very funny," Murphy commented, tipping his glass of alcohol towards the pair of them in a silent toast. "You two are _almost_ convincing."

"We're not joking," Bellamy said, speaking to the group for the first time. Murphy paused with his glass halfway to his lips. "We're getting married." His words seemed to hit the group hard.

Everyone fell silent once again and nobody dared move to break it. Even Wells had managed to prevent a few coughs from coming through, too shocked to make a sound.

Jasper downed his glass of alcohol instantly. As he set his cup back on the table, he turned to Clarke. "Shit." He lifted his hand up, catching the attention of the staff. "Yeah, we're going to need more drinks."

That seemed to break the thick blanket of silence that settled over the group. Instantly, her group of friends began bombarding them with questions and comments. Wells was the loudest, still in shock and denial over her news.

"I'm so happy for you!" Harper said as she grasped Clarke's hands. Clarke smiled widely at her, feeling a rush of appreciation wash over her. While they were never that close, Harper was always so kind and warm to her. Her warmth didn't fail in that moment and Clarke was grateful for that.

"Thank you." Harper squeezed her hands before moving back to her seat.

"When's it going to be? A winter wedding would be cute."

"Actually, it's happening in-"

"You guys are really cute," she complimented again. "Aw. I just so happy for you. Both of you."

"You're kidding." Wells pressed his fingers to his temple, drawing Clarke's attention away from Harper. "Clarke. Tell me you are kidding."

"I freaking knew it," Jasper announced, standing up from his seat and pointing his finger between Clarke and Bellamy. "I called this _years_ ago, guys."

"Wait, what?" Clarke's heart leapt to her throat with Jasper's words. He _actually_ believed they were a couple, and had been predicting it for years?

She cast an awkward glance at Bellamy. _That_ was unexpected.

Murphy mirrored Jasper's actions from earlier and downed his drink. "Can I be the first to say _fucking finally?_ "

"We've been waiting for years for you guys to hook up," Jasper announced, drink in hand once again. "But _no_ you two only want to be friends, or roommates, or _whatever._ " He looked thoughtfully between the two of them. "I'm just glad the sexual tension between the two of you will finally be gone. I'm kinda getting sick of it. _Are they going to get together or not?_ Done."

"Sexual tension?" Clarke asked, her voice skeptical. Bellamy tried to hide his surprise by taking a long sip from his cup. She could sense how surprised he was by these revelations too.

This was pretty freaking awkward, considering this was all fake.

"You both have been secretly wanting to hook up for years," Murphy said. He mockingly clinked cups with Jasper. "Here's to _that_ chapter being done."

"No more _we're just platonic, guys,_ " Jasper echoed.

Octavia hid her laugh behind her hands. Bellamy shot her a withering look, which only made her laugh harder.

She must've been thinking the same thing as Clarke was. Their friends believed their relationship so easily that it was almost awkward. _Did her and Bellamy really act like a couple so much? Did their friends want them together for years?_

Oh, gods. This was not part of the plan.

"Am I the only sensible one here?" Wells asked, standing up from his seat. He leaned towards Clarke. "You know I love you, but _what the hell,_ Clarke."

"I didn't even know you two were together," Monty pointed out. "I mean, congratulations, but… _a wedding_?"

"I mean – are you _sure_?" Wells pressed. "Are you ready?"

Clarke grit her teeth and looked at him. His hesitation was logical, she knew that. Still, she could feel frustration rising in her. If this was the real thing – if she was _actually_ marrying Bellamy out of love – the questions and the comments would still be the same and _that_ annoyed her.

"I asked the same thing," Raven announced, finally joining the conversation. "I mean, I walked into their apartment and they had wedding plans on every square inch." Wells gawked at her. "Oh, did I not mention? They're living together again."

"What about Echo?" Monty asked, turning to Bellamy. Clarke clenched her fists. Did her friends really think she would be _marrying_ Bellamy at the same time he was dating Echo?

"We broke up," he said, his lips turning into a frown. He quickly hid his discomfort. "It was mutual," Bellamy said, his tone tight. "We disagreed on too many things – things that neither one of us should compromise on."

"Clarke?" Wells pressed again. Clarke let out a small breath and released some tension in her shoulders.

This was fine. He was just worried.

"It was only recently that we both decided that we wanted this – really wanted this. We had been together so long as just friends, and once I moved out things… changed."

"We love each other," Bellamy said, reaching for Clarke's hand. Her heart skipped a beat at the sincerity behind his words. _Gods, if only it was real._ She had to remind herself that it was all fake. His words, the emotions, the feelings – it was all pretend. "We both realized that we wanted this – we wanted _us_. We want a family together. We want to spend a long time together."

"I knew I should've started the bet," Jasper announced. "I would've totally won."

"Congratulations," Harper said again. She shot a withering look at Monty. "I can see both of you are happy. I'm sure both of you have thought about this a lot and this isn't a spontaneous and rash decision." Her gaze shifted to Wells. "You are both adults. You both have known each other for years. You know each other, and clearly love each other. I'm happy and I think we should _all_ be happy."

Wells glanced away from her and Monty wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"That was the most passive aggressive thing you've said," he complimented her. He turned back to Bellamy and Clarke. "But she's right. I'm just surprised, but I'm so happy for you. We could all clearly see that you two had feelings for each other, and I'm glad both of you have figured it out."

Clarke shifted awkwardly in her seat.

"Right. You've known for years."

* * *

 _June 12_

* * *

Sunday morning brunch. It was a tradition that Clarke and her mother had for years, ever since her father had passed away. They drifted apart and would sometimes go weeks without talking to each other. To prevent them from completely losing touch, they would have brunch together at least once a month.

Gods, Clarke hated that word. Couldn't they just call it breakfast? Brunch sounded like they were trying to be fancy and proper. What was wrong with breakfast?

Whatever. It didn't matter. Once a month, she would do breakfast with her mother. It was a way to keep connected, even through the tough times and the rough patches.

Clarke was both thankful and terrified that their monthly brunch just so happened to be in the midst of wedding preparations. It had been seven days since her and Bellamy decided to get to get married, which meant it was just over a week until the wedding.

Time was going by too quickly. _They were down to one week to go until they were married._ It was terrifying in so many ways. Where had they days gone? Two weeks away seemed like a reasonable amount of time, but it was becoming more and more obvious that it wasn't the case.

Eight more days until she would be walking down the aisle. Eight more days until she was married to her best friend. Eight more days and they would become a family.

She knew she should've been scared of what was to come, but she wasn't. She knew Bellamy. He was her best friend. They had lived together for years. They had been by each others sides for years. She doubted much would change once they got married.

 _Then why did she feel like something was changing already?_ Between the salesperson at the jewellers commenting on their relationship and then their friends all _easily_ accepting their relationship – not to mention finding out some of them have been waiting for them to get together for years – things had changed.

Just knowing that she was going to be _married_ to Bellamy made something shift in her stomach. She knew that the agreement was that it was all simple platonic and done so they could start their family together. _She knew this._ She just had to focus on that. She had to squish all butterflies that she felt every time he wrapped his arm around her.

She wasn't attracted to him. _No._ She just felt oddly excited because it was a wedding and she would be married. It was all just in her head.

Yeah. It was in her head.

Once she realized this was _Bellamy_ she was marrying, not someone she loved as a husband, things would sort themselves out.

"Do you think this will go alright?" Bellamy asked. Clarke peeled her eyes from the road for a brief second, turning to look at Bellamy. _No. It won't._ She forced out a smile anyways.

"Sure," she said.

In reality, she knew that what she said was a lie. There was no way that her mother would be anywhere near okay with what was happening. Abby was always one for formalities and looking good for the public. Finding out her daughter was marrying Bellamy in one week would not go over well. She would be concerned over how long they had been dating, how long their engagement was, and how it would look to the rest of her friends.

"I told her that I had a guest," Clarke added after a moment of silence. "So, she'll be expecting you."

"Did she take it okay?" Clarke was touched by how worried Bellamy sounded. Usually, he didn't care too much about what other people thought of him. He must've really been hung up about meeting Abby.

"She didn't think much of it. Actually, she was more interested in berating me about not calling her _last_ weekend to organize brunch." She glanced at him. "She can be a little high strung, but she's nice, Bell. I'm sure she'll be happy for us."

 _Clarke hoped she was right._

A few minutes later, Bellamy stood a few paces behind Clarke, his hands buried deep in his pockets. Clarke stood eagerly on the doorstep, waiting for her mother to answer their knock.

"Clarke!" Abby greeted as she opened the door. Her eyes locked onto her daughter's as she pulled her into a hug. "I'm so happy you came."

Over her shoulder, her eyes met Bellamy's. Clarke pulled back as soon as she felt Abby stiffening against the hug.

"This is the guest I was telling you about," Clarke offered. Abby's facial expression was hard to read. She looked somewhere between being confused and weary. "You remember Bellamy, mom."

Without looking away from her mother, Clarke reached behind her and grasped onto Bellamy's arm. He stepped closer to Clarke, thankful that she had seemed to sense his discomfort. Abby's eyes fell to Bellamy's arm with Clarke's hand resting on top.

Abby's eyes widened. Clarke's mouth ran dry as soon as she realized her mother was staring at the engagement ring on her finger. She cringed internally. _She wasn't supposed to find out this way._

"Clarke Elizabeth Griffin." Her voice had dropped dangerously low. Her eyes snapped back up to Clarke's. "Gods so help me. What is on your finger?"

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about," she said meekly. Gods, just having her mother use that tone with her sent her back fifteen years. She felt like a child being scolded. "Can we come in?"

"Not until you tell me what is going on." Abby's gaze shifted from Clarke's to Bellamy's. Clarke felt him stiffen beside her once again. Clarke squeezed his arm.

"Mom, this really isn't necessary," Clarke pleaded. "Everything is okay."

"Clarke…"

"Clarke!" Kane's voice interrupted Abby's deadly tone. Clarke felt herself let out a tiny breath of relief as Kane appeared in the doorway next to his girlfriend. "It's good to see you, kiddo."

Clarke liked Kane. He never tried to take the place of her father, which she was grateful for. He was always there for her though – she knew that. He tried his best to support her in whatever way she needed. The best part was how well he fit with Abby. With him around, she wasn't as strict and harsh. He was a good mediator between the two Griffin women.

 _Perfect timing._

"Hi, Marcus," Clarke replied, grateful for the distraction.

He glanced at Bellamy, his smile growing even bigger. "Your mother mentioned you were bringing a guest. He looks like he just swallowed a block of ice, though." Kane turned to Abby, his eyes sparking with mirth. "What did you do to him?" When she didn't respond, the teasing expression left his face. " _Abby_."

"Clarke has a ring on her finger," Abby stated sharply, gesturing to her left hand. Kane sent the two adults on the doorstep an apologetic glance.

"Come in," he told them. She turned to Bellamy and locked eyes with him. He gave her a weak smile, which she relished in. Having him by her side made the most impossible tasks seem possible. Turning to Abby, Kane said, "I'm sure they have a good explanation for everything."

"We do," Clarke promised as she walked into the house. With new found strength from Bellamy, she held her head high and turned to Abby. "We're getting married."

Abby didn't look too impressed. She looked at Clarke, her eyes completely devoid of emotions.

"Hun. I'm a doctor. I think I put together the ring and the boy. Can you tell me _why?_ "

"Hold on, hold on." Kane raised his hands. He shot a look at Abby, before turning to Clarke with more warmth in his eyes. "Congratulations, Clarke."

"Thank you, Marcus." Clarke's eyes never left Abby's, waiting for a more positive response. When none came, Clarke sighed. "Mom?"

"Congratulations," she said, her voice strained. "I'm just trying to put things together. I didn't even know you were with anyone." Her eyes flicked to Bellamy's. "And I assume you're the fiancé?"

"I'm Bellamy," he introduced himself again. He reached forward, offering his hand to shake. Kane took it. "Abby and I have met before, actually."

"I thought you two were just friends?" Abby questioned. She didn't look as terrified as before, but she looked confused. "I… I thought you two were roommates."

"We were, mom," Clarke said. "I… Well… We are still roommates and we have been friends for years. It wasn't until recently – just a few weeks ago – that things began to change."

"A few weeks? You're marrying him after a few weeks of dating?" Abby's tone had grown more accusing once again. After only a brief second of silence, Abby's face grew even more horrified. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

Clarke's mouth dropped open from the shock and she stumbled a step backwards, right into Bellamy's chest. She could feel how stiff he had become with Abby's assumption. _Gods, this was not going right_ and Bellamy was right in the middle of it.

"Mother!" Clarke snapped, her expression turning to one of annoyance.

Abby held up her hands in defence. "I thought that was where this conversation was leading! Forgive me." After a brief paused, her face softened. "I'm sorry, Clarke. I just… I deal with pregnancies all of the time and… Well… You two are roommates and close and you said that things _changed_ a few weeks ago…" She turned to Bellamy, her expression genuine. "I'm sorry."

Bellamy smiled weakly. "It's fine."

Clarke scoffed. "No it's not. I can't believe you would even _say_ something like that, mom."

"Clarke, even if I was right, I would be happy for you," Abby said. "You're an adult and responsible. I would just be surprised, that's all."

Clarke didn't respond.

Kane pressed his lips together and nudged Abby again. That seemed to break her out of her trance again and the tension left her shoulders. "I'm sorry. I'm just confused."

"Why don't we leave these two to figure things okay, huh, Bellamy?" Kane offered the man beside her. "We can check on the muffins."

She leaned towards Bellamy, brushing shoulders with him in a form of solidarity and comfort. Just knowing he was beside her made her feel stronger. But Kane was right; her mom needed to hear this directly from her. Bellamy shouldn't have to suffer through her questions or judgement.

"Go," she encouraged, forcing a smile onto her lips. Bellamy searched her eyes for a brief moment before nodding his head. He stepped away from her side and followed Kane into the kitchen.

After a brief moment of silence, Clarke turned to Abby. Deciding that one issue was enough to tackle that day, she decided to try her best to forget whatever her mother said earlier. Instead, she decided to focus on convincing her mom she was marrying him.

"I'm sorry," Abby said again, rubbing her eyes. "That was-"

"Forget it," Clarke insisted. "I'm marrying Bellamy," she said. Her stomach erupted into butterflies. She pushed the sudden flurry of emotions that those words brought her aside.

"Mom, I know what you're thinking. I know you're disappointed and upset. You don't know Bellamy. You look at him and all you see is one of my mistakes. I know you think I'm making a mistake with this, but I'm not. Out of my whole life, this is one thing I'm so sure about. This is one thing that I really want – we both want this." _It was true. They both wanted a family, and they were going to find that with each other._

"Bellamy is apart of my future, and I will continue to choose him to be part of my life. He is my family, and has been for as long as I can remember. He's been there for me through the toughest times. He has given me everything – friendship, comfort, a home, a family – and never expected anything in return.

"He's a good man, mom, and he's going to make an amazing husband. I want to marry him, just like he wants to marry me. We aren't here asking for your permission. We're here to tell you that we're getting married. Next week, actually."

"Next week?" Abby looked stunned. "Clarke…" Clarke set her jaw.

"Yes, next week. We both decided there isn't a point in waiting." _And we need to get married as soon as possible for the adoption to Madi to go through._ "We both want this. I hope you can be happy for us?"

Abby was silent for a long moment. Then, finally, a thin smile appeared on her face.

"Don't misunderstand me. I don't agree with your decision. I don't think you're making the right choice here. I think you're rushing into things." Her face softened the slightest bit. "But this is your choice, Clarke. If you're happy, then I can handle that. I can work with that. I said it before; you're an adult and you're responsible. If you think this is right, then I will accept it without hesitation." Abby reached for Clarke. "This is just all very sudden for me, but I can see you two love each other. I just wish I could've been able to spend more time with the two of you to get to know him better. He seems like a great guy."

"He really is, mom. Bellamy is the best person I could've asked for. I'm really excited to share my life with him." _And it wasn't a lie._ Shockingly, none of her words had been lies. She had meant each and every word she had said.

Marrying Bellamy was one things she was sure about. He was her best friend, he knew her so well, and he brought so much joy to her life. If she had to pick anyone to platonically marry, she was glad it was him.

Bellamy was always going to be part of her future, but this just reaffirmed that. They were going to be parents to the same child. He was going to be her husband.

 _And she wanted to marry him._ She wanted to marry Bellamy Blake.

She shook herself. _Of course she did._ They were getting married for the same goal; to have a family together. She needed to marry him to adopt Madi. Of course she would want to marry him.

"I'm happy for you then, Clarke." Abby pulled her into a hug. "I'm so happy for you."

* * *

 **Once again, happy holidays/happy Monday, depending on what you celebrate!**

 **Thanks for all of the reviews, favourites and follows. They all mean the world to me and I'm just so happy I get to share this fic with you all!**

 **Paw**


	5. Chapter 5: The Practice

**Another update! Yay! These chapters are all fairly short and easy to get through to edit, so I'm able to publish more frequently.**

 **Which leads me to my next point… I have 8 chapters left, including this one. The plan was to have this fanfic completely finished before the start of 2019. If I were to try and complete that goal, I would have to publish once a day for the next week. Please let me know in a review if you'd like all of the back-to-back updates! Or, please let me know if you'd prefer I'd space them out a little more and continue to post in 2019.**

 **Warnings: coarse language, sexual themes (discussed/thought about), minor alcohol consumption**

 **This chapter includes one scene I had in my mind ever since I planned out this fic, so I really like this chapter. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 5: THE PRACTICE**

* * *

 _June 13_

* * *

Clarke chewed on her lip as she critically examined the dress she wore in the mirror. It was safe to say that the white gown was not what she was looking for. She doubted anyone would be looking for this specific dress either, which probably explained why she found it on the sale rack.

Every inch of it was covered with obvious-looking cheap plastic gems, including the ball gown skirt that was so large she could probably fit at least five beach balls under it. She wasn't too sure _who_ exactly the target audience was for this dress.

"I mean… It looks good?" Harper offered from the couch, her face looking like she was in pain.

Raven snorted. "Yeah. Okay. _Sure_ ," she said, her voice dry. She turned to Clarke. "I know you don't like this dress either, so I'm allowed to trash talk it. It looks like it was made by an eight-year-old with a bedazzle machine."

"It _is_ on sale," Clarke muttered, looking at the outfit and feeling conflicted. "And it's buy straight from the rack."

"Don't buy it unless you actually like it," Raven told her. She stood up from the couch and walked to stand beside Clarke. "If you seen this hanging at any store, would you buy it? Not even for your wedding, but would you buy it… _ever_?"

"No," she responded without hesitation. Raven pressed her lips together and shrugged, as if she just proved her point.

"There you have it. This one won't work for you."

Clarke groaned. "I need something that I can buy off the rack and I want it cheap." She turned her body so Raven could begin undoing the zipper along the back. "This is one of the only dresses in this store that fits that criteria."

"I have one more to try," Octavia offered, lifting the white gown in her arms as she entered the room. She cringed at the dress Clarke currently had on.

"Oh, it's not _that_ bad," Harper chastised. While Octavia was her only bridesmaid, Clarke had asked Raven and Harper to tag along for dress shopping. She was glad she did, because it was turning out to be more impossible than she originally thought. Two extra pairs of eyes were what she needed.

If she was being honest, she didn't even _care_ about her dress. All she wanted was something cheap and something quick. If she had more time, she probably would've settling to order something online, but not even expedited shipping could get it to her on time.

Considering she didn't even care about having a ceremony in the first place, the dress was something she really didn't care about. Octavia insisted on buying a traditional dress for the photos and she had somehow convinced Clarke that it would help the whole adoption process. How? She wasn't exactly sure, but somehow she ended up caving to Octavia.

"Here," the younger Blake said, handing Clarke the dress. "There are a few more you could try, but this one was the cheapest so I assumed you'd want it first."

"Good call."

Clarke slipped back into the dressing room, careful not to crease or rip the dress she wore. Even though these were considered 'cheap' dresses, she could not afford to buy more than one if she somehow caused damage to them.

As she began shrugging off her dress, her friends began talking to her through the curtain. "Do you have a location yet?" Harper asked.

"My mom offered her backyard," Clarke said, her nose wrinkling. "I think she's just trying to be extra nice because of how awful she reacted to the news at first."

"You're not taking her up on it?"

Clarke scoffed. "Of course not. If I do, she'll probably want to be involved with the rest of the planning process, and that's something I don't really want." Finally, she managed to slip the dress down her body.

"I know Jasper and Monty offered their backyard," Harper said, her voice amused. "Are you going to take them up on that?"

"It's hard not to," Clarke said. Her and Bellamy had talked it over after telling their friends two days ago. It seemed like the easiest and cheapest option. "Bellamy and I think it'll work."

"Gods, this is so strange," Raven muttered. "I can't believe you're marrying Bellamy."

"I can," Harper interjected. "They have been joined at the _almost_ everywhere for the last few years. I can finally rest easy knowing you two _will_ be joined at the _almost everywhere_."

Clarke froze, the new dress partway up her legs. Suddenly, the room felt extremely warm to her. _She did not want to be having this conversation._

"Ew," Octavia complained. "That's my brother we're talking about."

"Then shut your ears," Raven suggested, her voice sly. "Now that you've finally got to kiss the infamous Blake, you have to spill the dirty details."

Clarke's mouth went dry and her heart thrummed in her ears. "What?"

"Don't you dare do this to me, Griffin," Raven mockingly lectured. "I know you kiss and tell. So… _tell_."

"You sound like a high schooler," Clarke pointed out. She hoped her voice didn't sound as weak as it did to her. She swallowed thickly and hoped that her comment would sway her friends from the topic.

"There's nothing wrong with that. Harper and I wanna know. I mean, we already know he's a good kisser because, well, _it's Bellamy_ , but… Give us the details."

Clarke didn't know why she felt like she was slowly being suffocated by their questions. If they had been dating for weeks and were planning on getting married in just over one week, they _should_ have kissed already. _It was logical._

But, it wasn't the fact that her friends were asking so many questions that was making her feel overwhelmed – it was the fact she hadn't kissed Bellamy before. _She was marrying him without ever kissing him._

She couldn't tell them that. If they found out they hadn't kissed before, it would be obvious that they weren't actually getting married out of love.

 _Lie. I need to lie._

"Octavia, are you still listening?" Clarke could feel her lips moving, but she felt distant from herself in that moment. The only thought going through her mind was _how to get out of this conversation._

"Unfortunately."

"Sorry in advanced." Clarke pulled up her dress the rest of the way and walked out of the changing room. She turned her back to Octavia for her to zip up the dress. As her dress was being done up, she turned to Harper and Raven's eager faces. She forced out a smile. "He's a really good kisser."

"…And?"

"And nothing." Clarke sent Raven a wink. "I'm going to be a married lady soon. Maybe I should implement a policy about kissing and telling?"

 _Please don't ask any more questions._

"Oh, shut it, Clarke," Harper joked. "We all know you wouldn't torture us like that."

 _Shit._

Clarke wanted to fade into the darkness. _Great._ Okay. Well, she would just have to use her imagination. That wouldn't be the hardest thing in the world, right? She could imagine kissing Bellamy; she'd kissed enough people to be able to do that.

"Fine," she said. _What would it be like to kiss Bellamy_? It wasn't hard to imagine. "His lips are warm," Clarke said simply. _They were warm._ She had felt them on her skin numerous times, from small forehead kisses to playful kisses on the cheeks throughout the years. "And they're soft. Gods, they're so soft." She smiled fondly, relishing in the thought of him and the memories they had. "And his beard, when he has one, is both the worst and best thing. You have to catch it at a certain length for it to actually be comfortable, otherwise it feels like sandpaper." _She had felt that on her skin too._ Bellamy's face was always the easiest to touch when he was either clean shaven or had a longer beard.

"You'll have to give me a bit more. I'm kinda deprived of romance recently," Raven poked her in the shoulder.

 _Right_. She would have to use her imagination a little bit more. That wouldn't be too hard, right? She could imagine what it would be like to kiss her fiancé.

"He's gentle with kissing," Clarke said simply. While she hadn't ever kissed him, she had been around him long enough to know his mannerisms when he did. "It's really sweet, actually. He kind of… wraps his hand around the side of my head, and, _gods_ , his hands are so big that his thumb just runs along my jaw." She had seen him kissing other girls before, and that was generally the _Bellamy_ thing to do. "Gods, sometimes just being around him makes me feel like I'm… falling. Or melting. Or something." _It was something alright._ Being around him was one of the best feelings in the world. "It's just so easy to be with him and to love him."

 _That wasn't a lie either._

"You're so whipped," Raven commented, her tone teasing. Clarke rolled her eyes and tried to ignore the rapid beat of her heart. _When did her heart start to race when talking about Bellamy?_ She had barely noticed how nervous she was getting in that moment.

"You're the one who asked for details." She shrugged nonchalantly. "Kissing him is like coming home, you know? It's just so familiar and safe. Just being _around_ him is so familiar and safe. And the way he holds me is-"

"I'd like to keep some mental images free from my mind, thank you," Octavia interrupted, her face in a sour expression. Raven pouted.

"I wanted to hear what it's like to be held by _Bellamy Blake_ ," Harper muttered, her tone teasing and light. Raven snorted and turned to Harper, continuing the conversation without Clarke or Octavia apart of it.

While the two of them spoke, Octavia leaned up to Clarke's ear. "Maybe you should _actually_ try kissing him sometime, huh?" Clarke sent her a withering look. "You're such a liar. You're going to have to kiss sometime, you know."

 _Right._ If she didn't kiss him before the wedding, it was something she couldn't avoid during the ceremony.

* * *

 _June 13_

* * *

Later that night, Clarke was curled up on the couch, her feet tucked under her body, and a blanket draped over her lap. Bellamy sat across the couch from her, his notebook and a pen in hand.

She turned back to her planning binder, her mind in a completely different world. _All she could think about was her conversation with her friends earlier._

What was it like to kiss Bellamy? She had never spent too much time imagining it – until today. All she could think about was if what she made up was true or not.

Was he a gentle kisser? Did he do the face cupping thing? Were his lips like coming home?

 _She didn't know. She had made it all up._ And there was this odd ache inside of her because of it.

Her gazed flicked up from the binder and made its way to where Bellamy sat. Instantly, she focused on his lips. Her heart thumped rapidly when as she did so and she felt completely mesmerized with his bottom lip between his teeth.

His lips _did_ look soft, and she had felt them on her forehead a few times before to know that they were soft. _What would they feel like against hers?_ She was hungry to find out. _She wanted to find out._

 _No._ She pulled her eyes back to her planning book, trying her best to ignore the sudden increase in her heart rate. Her lips felt dry and her stomach felt like it was spinning. Why was the simple thought of kissing Bellamy sending her heart racing?

Octavia was right. They would have to kiss sometime soon. She told them that _days_ ago, but nothing ever came from it. Actually, it was one of the _last_ things on Clarke's mind.

That was, until earlier.

 _Now, she couldn't get it off of her mind._

"We should practice kissing."

Somehow, she was speaking without fully comprehending the words. Maybe it was because of the glass of wine she had with her dinner, or maybe it was because she was _done_ with the week. Regardless of the reason, the idea was now out there.

 _Once again, she was ripping off the Band-Aid._

Bellamy slowly lifted his head up from his notepad, his pen between his teeth. His eyebrows were pushed together and his eyes were comically wide.

"Uhm… What?"

Clarke swallowed thickly. He looked confused and terrified – both emotions she wasn't hoping to see. While she didn't expect him to be excited over the prospect – she wasn't either (really, she wasn't) – she hoped that he wouldn't look as off put as he did in that moment.

"Kiss," she managed to say despite her dry mouth. She wet her lips and tried again. "We should practice kissing." Clarke played with the edge of the paper on her lap and she bit her lip. "We'll need to do it at the ceremony and I thought that it would be best if it wasn't our _first_ kiss, right?" Bellamy was silent for a long moment. His eyes had fallen to her lips. Clarke kept talking, trying to convince herself that this was a good idea (it was, wasn't it? It was just a simple kiss). "I mean, I guess it _could_ be our first kiss, I don't care, but… Well… I don't know. It would go smoother if it wasn't, I think?"

Still, Bellamy was silent. After a brief moment, he nodded his head and blinked his eyes rapidly. He shook his head, like he was bringing himself back into the present moment.

"Right. Yeah." He cleared his throat. "That's a good point." He capped his pen and threw it onto the table. His notebook followed shortly. She could see him swallow thickly. Her heart was racing. "Uhm… Right. So…"

"Right."

Clarke's heart skipped a beat as she realized what was happening. _They were going to kiss._

(Gods, she sounded like a teenager, but this was something she had never even _considered_ doing before… _Really._ )

Right… Yeah. _Okay_. Okay, this was totally fine. This wasn't a big deal at all. _It was just Bellamy_. It was just practice. She shouldn't think so hard about it. _It was all just pretend._ Plus, they had been best friends forever. What was a little kiss between friends?

"Do you want to stand?" Bellamy offered, breaking the silence that had fallen over them. Clarke scrunched up her face in confusion _. Who would want to kiss and stand?_ "I mean, we'll be standing for the ceremony. I just thought if this is practice for that…?"

"Oh. Right." Clarke pushed her planning binder off of the couch, letting it fall to the floor with a clatter. She adverted her eyes from his and tried to compose herself. She tried to look anywhere _except_ at him. The intensity of his eyes made her feel like she was about to erupt into flames. "Sitting is fine."

"Sure."

Clarke wanted to cringe from the tension in the air. _Gods what was happening._ It was just a kiss. _Nothing_ was special about that, right? It was just pretend. They had a deal. Kissing was part of that deal. If they were going to get married, kissing _had_ to be on the table. If they were going to have a fake relationship, they had to be comfortable kissing.

Yeah. This made sense. _Kissing made sense_.

Besides, it was just a kiss. _It was just a kiss._ She had kissed people before – what was the big deal?

Neither one of them moved. The tension covered them like a thick blanket. Clarke's eyes darted back to his, trying to gauge his reaction. He looked perfectly composed, with the exception of looking awkward as hell.

One beat passed, and then another. All Clarke could hear were both of their heavy breaths.

 _Enough is enough._

Clarke rolled onto her knees and scooted across the couch, the blanket from her lap tumbling to the floor. Her knees touched his and it felt like the contact sent a spark through her body. She sat back onto her legs and met his eyes.

He was still silent. The tension had been lifted the slightest bit by her moving across the couch, but she could still _feel_ it. She guessed that it must've been inevitable, considering they were about to practice kissing for their wedding.

"We don't have to if you're not up for it," Clarke offered.

Bellamy snorted and sent her a cocky smile. Her words seemed to have broken the tension surrounding them. "Remember who you're talking to, Griffin. I have no problems kissing you."

She raised her eyebrow in challenge. "Oh, you don't?"

"None what-so-ever."

"Prove it then."

"I'm planning on it."

"Really, because-"

His lips were pressed against hers before she could finish speaking. Her words instantly died in her throat and, for the first split second, she was too shocked to do anything.

 _Gods_. She was right. His lips were warm and soft.

It was a soft kiss; one that was shallow and short. His lips brushed against hers for a fraction of a second, barely allowing her to feel him against her. She pulled back abruptly, moving her face from his by a few inches, still reeling from the shock.

Her heart was racing. Her palms were sweaty. Her throat felt tight.

She licked her lips and stared into his eyes. He was mere inches away from her and she could feel his warm breath ghosting along her skin. His brown eyes were searching her blue ones, searching for _something._ She didn't know what, but she hoped he found what he was looking for.

Her gaze dipped back down to his lips. _They were inches away from hers._ She swallowed hard and her tongue darted out to wet her suddenly dry lips. "Again?" Her voice was raspy.

He didn't respond. He was moving towards her again, closing the small distance between them. Their lips met again, but it was deeper than their feather light first kiss. She didn't have any shock this time and her hand came up to rest against his chest, her eyes fluttering closed in the process.

His lips moved against hers and his hand came up to rest against the side of her face, cupping her cheek gently. His fingers brushed through her hair, making even more butterflies erupt in her stomach. It felt like her body had been lit on fire under his touch.

Bellamy pulled back after a long moment, his hand instantly dropping from the side of her face. Clarke blinked rapidly and pulled back from him, her mind buzzing yet her thoughts completely silent. Her chest was heaving, even though their kiss had lasted for what was sure to be less than a minute.

Their eyes met. Her gaze dropped back down to his lips and, _oh gods, now she knew what it was like to kiss him._ And she wanted more.

 _She wanted to kiss him again._ It was like his lips were calling to her.

 _She had never been one for impulse control and neither was he._

Clarke rocked forward, falling into his chest ungracefully. Their lips connected for the third time that night, more frantic than before. His arms wrapped around her waist, holding her gently and steadying her body. She could feel the palm of his hand pressing into the middle of her back, almost as if he was hugging her.

Her hands lifted to his face. While one wrapped around his head to tangle in his hair, the other rested against his jaw, her fingers disappearing into his locks. Her nose bumped against his in the rush, making a smile appear on their faces.

That kiss was shorter than the first.

As soon as she heard his laugh, her eyes flew open, almost as if she was just remembering where she was and _who_ she was with. She pulled away from him abruptly, falling onto the cushion behind her.

 _Oh, gods. It was Bellamy._ She was kissing Bellamy.

He looked confused as she pushed away from him, but he didn't say anything. It took her a moment to gather her bearings, but, when she did, she felt flushed and light and in need.

She swung her legs off of the couch and leaned forward to rest on her elbows, trying to regain herself and push his lips out of her mind. She tried to ignore the _want_ that coursed through her body like blood, driving her back to his lips. She cleared her throat and blinked rapidly.

She just kissed Bellamy. Three times.

Right. Okay. This is fine. _This is fine._ Right? It was just a kiss. They were getting married. It was all practice. They agreed they needed to practice. This was all good.

Then why did she feel like she was about to burst into flames?

More importantly _, why did she want more?_

Her skin tingled from where his hands were pressed. She could still feel his touch lingering along her back and around her waist. She could still feel his lips against hers, moving with her in a rhythm.

 _Shit_. Okay.

 _It was practice_ , she reminded herself. _Just_ … _very good practice._

"Wedding ready?" Bellamy asked, breaking the silence that they had fallen into. Tension had settled over the both of them once again. Clarke let out a forced laugh and hoped he couldn't sense her hesitation. _They needed to break the tension._ They had to be normal with each other.

 _Otherwise, this 'practice' just made things whole lot worse._

"I'd say so." She sat up straighter and turned to him, a small smile on her face. She ignored the turmoil inside of her head. She couldn't act awkward, not after kissing him for practice. _That's all it was._ It was only practice. If she acted weird after it, he would know something was on her mind. _And there wasn't something on her mind…_ Really. She was just shaken from the kissing. She hadn't kissed Bellamy before and that's all this was. _Right._ "Think we'll be convincing enough?"

Bellamy shrugged. He ran his hands through his hair a few times, smoothing it out from where Clarke's hands had mused it. His lips quirked up into a smirk. "Trust me, princess, we'll be convincing."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Sure, Bellamy." She reached to pick her planning binder up off the floor. "I just hope this works. We only have one shot at the adoption."

The light mood got sucked from the room at that.

They were silent for another moment, both thinking about how _much_ was riding on the wedding, which included their sealing kiss. _It had to work._

After a long moment, Bellamy shifted nervously. "We could practice more?" he offered. Clarke's skin felt warm at his suggestion.

 _He was suggesting to kiss more._

 _Gods she wanted to._ That was the scary part; she actually _wanted_ to practice kissing Bellamy. He was such a good kisser and his arms felt like home. Everything about their kiss had been something she wanted. Warmth ran through her veins and filled her chest. _Now she wanted more._

"I think we've practiced enough," she said, her eyes turning back to the binder in her lip. She forced her face to stay neutral and her voice to sound even. Bellamy was silent for a long moment before he reached for his notebook. "No need to practice more."

"Whatever you think, Clarke."

Once again, they fell back into silence. _They seemed to be doing that an awful lot today._

Bellamy returned to working on the wedding plans, just as Clarke had attempted to. She kept glancing at him, her thoughts screaming in her mind. How could he just pick up something and continue to work _so easily_ after that? She could barely keep her eyes on her own page.

She was struggling with working. _She couldn't keep her focus._ She constantly found herself glancing at him from the corner of her eye, or, when she did focus on her page, she couldn't stop thinking of his lips on hers. _She couldn't suppress the burning feeling inside of her._

Her heart was racing and it felt like adrenaline was flooding through her veins. Her mouth had gone completely dry from their kisses.

 _All she could think about was him._ Throughout the rest of the night, she found herself constantly drawn back into those three brief kisses. _The softness of his lips. The feel of his hair between her fingers. The soft press of his hands on her back. The sound of his laugh as they bumped against each other. The fire in her veins as she fell into him._

She couldn't handle it. Ten minutes after their practice kisses, she got up from the couch, the planning binder in her hands. Bellamy glanced up from his work, his eyebrows raised in question. She almost had to laugh at how _good_ he looked in that moment. It wasn't fair.

"I'm going to sleep," she told him abruptly. She knew that he knew she was lying. He knew her well enough to know that she hated doing any work in her bedroom, yet she clutched her binder to her chest. _He knew she wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon._

She just couldn't handle the sudden tension that developed between the two of them. It was one thing to kiss as practice, but it was another for her to fall back into his lap for more. It was another thing to be playing those practice kisses over and over in her mind. It was another thing for her to be _aching_ for his lips to be on hers again.

 _Gods_ she was pining for him. It was almost like that third kiss was humidity between them. _Heavy and suffocating._ She wanted more.

"Goodnight."

She couldn't turn around to look at him. "Night."

As soon as she was alone in her room, she let out the breath she was holding and collapsed onto her bed. Her heart was both light from the affection she had for him, yet heavy from the tension. How was it possible to feel so alive, yet so dismayed by one action?

She shouldn't have kissed him that third time. She shouldn't have. _But it felt right._ It felt right to be in his arms. It felt right to his his lips pressed against hers.

 _But it wasn't._ They were strictly platonic. Their relationship was all pretend. Falling into him for more kisses was _not_ pretend. Somehow, that was crossing the line.

They had to approach this like professionals; not like she was _actually_ wanting to kiss him. She had to look at him and kiss him like he was just part of the plan, not like he was her fiancé.

Oh, gods. She made everything awkward. That third kiss made everything awkward.

She buried her face into her arm and forced her heart to stop racing. _Damn it. This was not part of the plan._

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I will admit that I am having difficulty with this fic, since I don't usually write kissing scenes, so I hope this turned out okay haha.**

 **Once again, please let me know if you'd enjoy having several back-to-back updates (and finish this fic before the new year) or if you'd rather I space the updates out (and continue posting in 2019).**

 **Thanks for reading! Any and all reviews are appreciated!**

 **I hope you all had a wonderful holiday if you celebrated one!**

 **Paw**


	6. Chapter 6: The Field Trip

**I'm so sorry for the late update! I've been consistent with my daily updates on AO3, so if you see I haven't posted here in a while, you can probably find an update on AO3 (I'm Pawprinter on that site).**

 **Warning: nothing specific comes to mind, but I'm going to assume coarse language.**

 **I'll be doing a mass update right now (four chapters). I hope you enjoy!**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 6: The Field Trip**

* * *

 _June 14_

* * *

Clarke glanced in her rear-view mirror, a wide smile appearing on her face when she caught sight of the young girl in the back seat. She was talking enthusiastically, her hands waving all over the place and her eyes sparking with joy. Clarke's heart felt like it had melted and combusted at the same time just watching her enthusiasm.

 _The joy of a child was like no other._

She shook her head with affection and turned her attention back to the road. They would be turning into the parking lot any second, which sent a sharp jolt of adrenaline through her system.

She pushed down her nerves instantly, but she admitted they were warranted. She would be meeting Bellamy at the mini-golf course and just the idea of seeing him again made her feel clammy and nervous. She hadn't seen him since the previous night.

 _She hadn't seen him since they practiced kissing for the wedding._

When she got up in the morning, he was already gone for work. She was happy that she managed to get the week off of work to manage wedding details and work on the adoption, but Bellamy didn't have the same luxury. Part of her was glad she didn't have to navigate the tension and the awkwardness that was sure to be there, but mostly she was just upset that she didn't have the opportunity to even attempt to smooth things over that morning.

Instead of spending her morning with Bellamy, she headed over to the younger Blake's home. She spent her day with Octavia, working out the more mundane details of the wedding; ones that Bellamy already had partially planned in his notebook.

Things were starting to shape up. With exactly one week until the wedding, Clarke was glad that it was starting to come together. While she didn't care about the details, she knew that it had to look relatively decent for photographs. Plus, it was still a wedding. She couldn't imagine a world where she wouldn't become stressed over throwing game night, never mind a wedding.

 _She was a planner._ And their situation definitely impacted planning time.

They had opted for as small as a wedding as possible, which was made easier by the fact they shared the same friend group.

They had the venue; Monty and Jasper's backyard. In fact, while her and Bellamy were spending time with Madi that evening, Octavia and Lincoln were basically ripping apart the yard and putting it back together. Clarke trusted Octavia wouldn't set something on fire while she was gone.

Well, actually, she trusted Lincoln to keep the yard intact more so than Octavia, but _that was just a pesky detail._

The invitations were sent. Well… _e-invites_ were sent. Why waste a bunch of paper on something as small as an invitation? Plus, postage was outrageous. It was nice being able to do digital art for their invitations as well; it made it seem more _them_ than any physical invitations would have.

The rings were being sized. Her wedding dress was picked out. Apparently Bellamy had a suit. Octavia had purchased her bridesmaid dress, while Bellamy was still struggling to pick a best man.

Sure, they still had a long way to go; cake, flowers, officiate, photographer, legal papers, and reception (including food and drinks, both of which were underlined several times in Bellamy's book) were all still on their to-do list. _But they were closer than they were a week ago._

Clarke glanced back at Madi. When she picked her up earlier, all she could talk about was her trip to the museum earlier that week. It was cute to see her so excited about fossils and artifacts. Clarke had to remember to that her there again later, when the exhibits changed.

 _If she ever got that opportunity._

She pushed that thought out of her her. Things would work out. She would marry Bellamy. The adoption process would go through. They would go through the supervisory period. Things would be finalized.

"Clarke?" Madi asked after a brief minute of silence. "You said that we would be hanging out with someone else today?" She nodded her head and curbed the sudden feeling of nerves in her stomach.

"You remember Bellamy, right?"

Madi rolled her eyes. "Are you really asking _me_ that? Of course I know Bellamy. I've only met him _a hundred times_." Clarke cracked a smile at that.

Bellamy and Madi had bonded over the last few months. He would sometimes tag along when they would do stuff together, and he was always willing to help Madi with her history homework, and he had more-than-once got her a gift _just because._

The two of them knew each other and him meeting them for an activity wasn't out of the ordinary. What _was_ out of the ordinary was the fact that Madi would be introduced to Bellamy as Clarke's fiancé that evening.

It hurt Clarke not to tell her the truth. She wanted to tell her that this was all just pretend, and that they were doing it so they could start a family with her. _But she knew she couldn't._ Madi wasn't one for keeping secrets – it was one thing Clarke admired and loved about her – and she couldn't ask a child to lie. If she was supposed to be a good role model for Madi, she shouldn't be teaching her and encouraging her to lie about something so big. No. Instead, she would just keep it a secret from her.

"Right, well, he'll be meeting us at the course," Clarke said. Madi nodded her head and peered out of the window. Her nose was pressed right into the glass. Clarke couldn't bring a smile to her lips in that moment – her stomach felt like lead and her tongue felt heavy. "We have something to tell you."

That got Madi's attention. She glanced at Clarke out of the corner of her eye, her eyes narrowing. Clarke was shocked by how suspicious she looked.

"What about?"

Clarke didn't answer until the car was parked beside Bellamy's. After a mere minute of waiting, Madi was practically bouncing with excitement.

"Clarke," she whined. Clarke chuckled and turned back to look at her.

"We'll tell you later. Don't worry – it's nothing bad." Madi looked relieved at that. "It's just news. Boring stuff."

"I like the news. I watch it every morning," Madi said, her nose in the air. Clarke stifled a laugh and hopped out of the car. _That kid was too old for her own good._

Bellamy was just climbing out of his car too, a smile wider than she had ever seen on him plastered on his face.

Her heart skipped a beat. _Gods, he looked good._ He always looked good, but there was something about him in that moment that made her absolutely melt. His joy was infectious and it made a smile spread across her own face.

"Hey," she said. He glanced at her, his smile growing a few inches. Her mouth suddenly felt dry from the intensity in his eyes. His gaze dropped down to her lips for a brief second, his smile faltering the slightest bit.

Clarke tried to push the memory of his lips against hers out of her mind. She tried to forget about how his arms felt around her waist and how his hair felt between her fingers. She tried not to think about how his breath tickled her skin.

 _No. Don't think about it. Don't think._

It was harder than it should've been.

Madi jumped out of the car and bounded up to beside Clarke, breaking her from her thoughts. Clarke was thankful for the distraction. It was awkward enough looking at Bellamy after their kiss, never mind when she was actively thinking about it. Madi would be a good distraction.

"Hi, Bellamy!" she greeted, her voice bright. He looked away from Clarke, his face lighting up when he seen Madi. "I hope you're ready to get your butt kicked today."

"I beg to differ. I grew up with a little sister, Madi, I know the art of mini-golf." Madi rolled her eyes jokingly. "Maybe we should be warning Clarke about getting her butt kicked, huh?"

He glanced up at her, his eyes sparkling. Clarke smiled at his comments, her heart feeling lighter. He was so good with interacting with her. _He was good with kids_ and it made her melt even more.

"We should team up!" Madi suggested, her eyebrows wiggling. "Clarke is usually pretty good at everything she does, but she couldn't beat the both of us."

"I don't think there are teams in mini-golf," Clarke pointed out, joining in on the humour. "How would that even work?"

"Don't question the details," Madi said offhandedly. "Bellamy and I could crush you. I'm just saying."

Bellamy glanced towards Clarke, a glint in his eye. She knew that look; he was up to something.

"Bellamy…"

Before she could give him a proper warning, he was already moving towards her, scooping her off the ground. His arms were wrapped around her middle as he spun her through the air. She let out a surprised yelp and clung to him as they spun.

"Bellamy!" she gasped.

She could feel his lips beside her face as he spoke to Madi. "I was just going to say that sabotage isn't completely off the table." He set Clarke back on the ground and turned to face the younger girl. "I know for a fact that she's ticklish."

Madi chuckled evilly. "Perfect."

Clarke stumbled a few steps as soon as Bellamy's arms left her waist. Laughs were bubbling out of her mouth without any control. The joy of the whole situation made her giddy. "That would be _cheating,_ you two!" she managed to gasp between giggles.

"I would do no such thing," he swore, his hand up in a silent promise.

At seeing Bellamy ridiculously sombre, Madi dissolved into a fit of giggles, leaning against his side for support. Bellamy wrapped his arm around both girls to steady them and joined in on their laughs.

As Clarke regained her breath, she couldn't help but think that _maybe_ things would work out. While she had been worried that her kiss had been too forward and would've made things awkward, it didn't seem to have phased Bellamy at all.

 _She tried to ignore the feeling of hurt in her chest at that realization._ Maybe Bellamy didn't think anything of those kisses? Did he only view them as practice, like they agreed? Maybe she was complicating something that was simple.

Seeing his smile and joking with him assured her one thing; they would be okay. _Things would be okay between them._ Maybe those kisses didn't change anything. Maybe she was imagining this tension between the both of them. _Maybe he his heart didn't race like hers did._

Being wedged into Bellamy's side in the middle of a parking lot with Madi a few feet away from her was the best place she could be. _This_ was what she was working for. _This_ was what they both wanted.

 _Family._

* * *

Clarke stood off to the side, a soft smile on her face as she watched Bellamy and Madi interact on the course.

 _She couldn't wait until they were officially a family._

Madi had the golf ball set on the tiny 'X' at the start of the course and her club was lined up just behind it. Her eyes were narrowed in concentration as she lined up her shot. Bellamy stood just behind her, helping guide her. His finger was pointed to a specific spot on the wall of the course where the ball would bounce off and roll into the hole with one shot. The ball had to roll around a giant plastic bear in the middle of the course; it was completely blocking a direct shot at the hole.

She had to admit, the course was a little… strange. While usually mini-golf involved windmills and miniature castles, their local course was wilderness themed. They already managed to navigate courses that involved hitting a ball through the centre of a plastic tree and through the mouth of a giant fish. Madi seemed to love it and Clarke was enjoying the slightly confused expressions from Bellamy.

Clarke chewed on her lip as she examined him. He was leaning over beside her, throwing his hair into his eyes. He pushed his hair away from his face and she couldn't help but smirk when it pointed out in all directions.

Her eyes travelled down his body, following the swoop of his shoulder blades. When Clarke realized she was staring at him, she jolted and quickly adverted her eyes.

 _Shit, shit shit._

No. She wasn't staring at him. _Obviously not._ She was just… examining his shirt. Yeah, that was it. She just wanted to see what type of shirt he was wearing.

Clarke's attention was brought back to the two of them when Madi swung her club and tapped the ball. She could see the young girl suck in a tiny breath as she watched the ball zoom across the green carpeting.

As the ball rolled into the hole, Madi and Bellamy both let out cheers. She rounded on him and slapped his hand. When she went sprinting towards the hole, Bellamy turned to Clarke, his hand cradled against his chest.

 _Ow,_ he mouthed to her, a mock pout on his lips. He stood up from where he was kneeling, his hand still held protectively.

Clarke snorted and pushed off the wall she was leaning against. "Aw, poor baby."

"Don't patronize me, Clarke," Bellamy said, his nose in the air. "She's a strong kid."

"Oh, I have no doubts there." She glanced over to Madi, checking to make sure she wasn't attempting to climb in the plastic bear's mouth. When she looked back at Bellamy, she let out a tiny laugh when she seen he still had a pout on his lips. "Oh my gods. Bellamy."

"It hurts."

He offered her his hand. She glanced up at him, her eyebrow lifted. "Really?" she questioned. He didn't answer and only held his hand closer to her own.

Clarke shook her head with affection and took his 'injured' hand in her own. She tried to ignore the bolts of electricity that she felt as she cradled his hand in her own.

"Can you kiss it better?" he asked teasingly. Clarke's gaze snapped up to meet his, her heart suddenly hammering in her chest. When she seen his eyes dancing with mirth, she tried to slow down her racing heart.

 _He was just kidding._ It was just a saying, after all. The fact that he chose _today_ of all days to bring up her kissing him was just coincidence, right? He wasn't also thinking of their _activities_ from the night before.

He wiggled his fingers in her hand, his expression coy. Clarke glanced up at him wearily. "Wait. Were you serious?"

"A kiss can do wonders."

She rolled her eyes, trying her best to look like she wasn't internally making this a big deal. _It wasn't a big deal._ It was a small little kiss on his hand.

 _Not serious at all._

"Come here," she said, her voice feigning tiredness. She swooped down and pressed a chaste kiss to his open palm. It was feather light and so fast she could barely feel his skin beneath her lips, but it still sent her heart racing.

"Uhm… All better." He flexed his fingers. "Thanks."

She dropped his hand like it burned her and immediately turned towards Madi. Lucky for Clarke, she _was_ actually trying to climb into the plastic bear's mouth, giving her a distraction from Bellamy.

"Madi!"

As Clarke walked over to the young and adventurous girl, Clarke couldn't shake the feeling of having both butterflies and lead in her stomach, nor could she calm her racing heart.

 _It was a dumb kiss on the hand. Why was it impacting her so much?_

* * *

An hour later, Madi's eyes were locked onto the ring that sat on Clarke's left hand. Her hands were holding onto Clarke's arm so tightly that it was starting to become painful. Still, Clarke couldn't remove the wide smile from her face.

"I can't believe this is real," Madi whispered, her voice awed. She glanced up at Clarke, her eyes wide. "Is this a dream?"

Her enthusiasm made Clarke want to cry. As soon as she told her, she let out an ear-piercing yelp and launched herself at Clarke. That was already _minutes_ ago, and she hadn't let go. She was too sweet for her own good.

"It's real," she confirmed, her voice just as awed as Madi's.

She turned to Bellamy, her face still excited. "I can't believe you're marrying Clarke!"

Bellamy smiled softly in her direction. "Neither can I."

Clarke couldn't agree with his statement more in that moment. She never would've imagined she would be marrying Bellamy Blake.

"It's really happening?" Madi asked again, turning back to Clarke.

Clarke smiled at the young girl. It was actually quite sad that she had to reaffirm her so many times. It just spoke volumes to how many times she had been lied to and let down in the past. In that moment, Clarke vowed to herself never to let down her daughter. She deserved a good life; one with love, and trust, and happiness. She knew she would be able to give her that with Bellamy at her side.

"It's really happening." Madi's smile widened. "Next week, actually."

Madi let out a tiny squeak at that. "Really!?" Without missing a beat, she was bouncing on her heels again. "Can I come!? _Please?_ I really want to be there. Please, Clarke?!"

"Oh." Clarke glanced up at Bellamy, suddenly feeling bad that she never thought of making arrangements with the adoption agency for Madi to come. She loved Madi and wanted her part of her life, but somehow the wedding didn't feel real enough to even invite her.

 _But it was real_. It was happening next week. _And she was their potential daughter._ Inviting her to the wedding was almost setting things in place; it was reaffirming that _this_ was the family and future they all wanted.

"I can ask," she offered, turning back to the bouncing girl. "I can't say for sure that you'll be allowed, especially considering I'll be busy during the day and won't be able to watch you, but I would love for you to be there."

"I would want you there, too, Madi," Bellamy interjected. Madi turned to him, her smile even wider. Clarke couldn't remember the last time Madi had looked so excited.

Her smile faltered after a moment and her eyes widened slightly. "I just thought of something. After you marry Clarke, does that mean you'll _both_ be adopting me?" In that moment, Clarke couldn't read her expression. It was a mix between confusion and what she thought was hope.

Bellamy glanced up at Clarke, his expression tight. She could see the tension in his shoulders from Madi's question. She tried to smile at him reassuringly, attempting to calm his nerves. She was sure she didn't succeed, considering how nervous she was with Madi's question.

"Would you like that?" he asked, his voice carrying the weight of the question thoroughly. _He was worried for her answer._ She could see it in him and hear it in his voice.

Without a moment passing, Madi launched herself at Bellamy, throwing him off balance and sending both of them stumbling backwards. She wrapped her arm around his torso and buried her face into his elbow. Immediately, he steadied her with a hand on her back. He looked up at Clarke, his face full of emotion. She could see pure love and joy in his eyes.

Clarke bit her lip as she watched the scene in front of her. Bellamy was standing in shock as Madi hugged him as tight as she could manage. She could see her tiny shoulders shaking and Clarke couldn't determine if it was from laughter or tears.

"I really want that," she said, her voice muffled by Bellamy's side. "I want you to adopt me." Bellamy's face was picturesque and full of wonder. Clarke pressed her fingers to her lips, covering the large smile that erupted on her face. She had the strongest urge to burst into tears from her words. "I want to be a family with both of you."

Clarke felt like she could've cried in that moment. _That's what she wanted too._ At first, all she wanted was to adopt Madi, but with each passing day, she felt herself drawn to this new future. She _wanted_ this family. She wanted all three of them together.

 _Her, Bellamy and Madi. One family._

She wanted that.

She never expected that she would be looking forward to the day she married Bellamy. Their wedding day was the start of their future together; it was the start of their little family. While she didn't love him like a wife loved a husband, she loved him as a partner and that was good enough for her. She wouldn't have picked anyone else to get platonically married to.

Clarke glanced at Bellamy and Madi, a feeling of love overwhelming her. _This was her family._


	7. Chapter 7: The Non-Date

**Here is the second update of the day!**

 **Warnings: coarse language.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 7: The Non-Date**

* * *

 _June 15_

* * *

Clarke woke up to Bellamy cooking breakfast, which wasn't completely unusual. While she was always okay with a bowl of cereal or some fruit in the mornings, he always went full out. Eggs, muffins, fruit, bacon – anything he could get his hands on, really.

What _was_ unusual was the fact that she woke up to him knocking at her bedroom door. She blinked rapidly, trying to clear the sleep from her eyes. After a few seconds without a response, he knocked again.

"Mh. Come in." She pushed herself into a sitting position, tucking the blanket under her chin to keep her arms covered. Even in the middle of summer, she felt like she could freeze to death in her room.

Bellamy pushed her bedroom door open slowly, peeking his head through a crack. She hummed sleepily as a hello. The smell of breakfast wafted over her and she could've sworn her mouth started watering.

"Hey." His voice was soft as he pulled her from sleep. "Did I wake you?" Bellamy asked, slipping into her room. They weren't expecting any visitors that early in the morning, so he left the door open behind him. She could see the coffee table scattered with papers from the night before.

"It's fine," she responded. She reached out from beyond her cocoon of blankets and patted the spot beside her in bed. "Come sit." She quickly pulled her arm back under the blanket, already feeling the chill of the apartment.

He didn't need to be told twice. Bellamy moved to sit on the edge of her bed and the mattress was pushed down with his weight. He turned his body ever so slightly to face her, his face unreadable. Clarke rubbed her eyes, willing herself to become more awake. He looked nervous or unsure or _something._ The least she could do was be awake for him to talk to.

"What's going on?" she questioned once he didn't start speaking right away. She studied his face and felt a twinge of worry when she couldn't read him. "Is everything okay? Are you okay?"

She tried not to worry and she tried to prevent herself from jumping to terrible conclusions. _Maybe he's calling off the wedding? Maybe the ruined their plan?_

No. No, she wasn't being logical. _That couldn't be it._

"Oh." He cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly. "Totally. Everything is great, actually. I, uh, I made breakfast, if you wanted. There will be enough for you, and probably for Octavia when she comes over later."

"Thank you." Clarke dropped the blanket from around her shoulders and shuffled so she sat beside him. She tried to ignore the urge to reach out for him. _Gods, what was going on with her._ Instead, she bumped his shoulder gently with hers, trying to get him back in the moment. He looked like he was lost in thought. "I know you didn't just come in here to tell me you cooked breakfast. What's on your mind?"

The silence was killing her. It looked like something was bothering him and she could guess a thousand different possibilities. She doubted that the truth could be any worse than what she was imagining.

 _He didn't want to get married anymore. He wanted to get back with Echo. He wasn't sure about adopting Madi. He didn't like the rings they picked out. He was second guessing the colour choices. He was uncomfortable by their kiss the other night._

Gods, that would suck. Here, she thought that she had pushed that thought from her mind, but _nope_ – there it was. There was a tiny piece of fear eating away at her. _What did those kisses mean to him?_

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something before I went to work. In person." He pulled a face. "Texting is probably not the best way to talk to you about… _certain_ things."

Somehow, his words made her feel worse.

"Oh, okay." She tried to bite her tongue to prevent herself from making this situation worse.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm fully invested in this," he said, turning to her after another brief moment of silence. "I just wanted to make sure you knew that. I know this started because _you_ wanted to adopt Madi, but I just want to be clear that _I'm here for it too_. I want to have this with you, you know?"

Clarke nodded slowly, a lump in her throat. "Right." Her throat felt extremely tight and she fought to keep her tears back. _That was not was she was expecting him to say._

"I just wanted to say that. I wanted to let you know."

"Thank you, Bellamy. I…" She chewed her lip and met his eyes. "You've really been amazing this past week, you know." Clarke bumped his shoulder again, a small smile on her face. "I know we both thought it was a kinda wild idea at first, but I'm glad we're going through with it. I honestly couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else."

"Me too."

Somehow, Clarke didn't think that was _all_ he woke her up to talk about. She could still see tension in his shoulders, and she could tell he was worried from the way his eyebrows were pushed together.

She didn't push him. He knew that she was right beside him and more than willing to listen to anything on his mind.

Not even a minute later, he turned to her again. "Clarke?"

"Yes?"

"Did you want to go out tonight?" Her heart felt like it skipped a beat. "To dinner and whatever you wanna do." _A date. Bellamy wanted to go on a date?_ Clarke was shocked to discover that she was _excited_ by that prospect, not terrified like she _thought_ she would've been. Although, she shouldn't have been surprised. Their kiss had been on her mind too often. "We've been planning this wedding _every spare second_ for the last week, and… well… we deserve _some_ time off, right?"

 _Right._

Not a date. Time off – _together_. Because of their wedding.

She couldn't begin to explain why it felt like her heart had just plummeted into her stomach or why she had a bitter taste in her mouth all of a sudden. _Of course_ it wouldn't be a date. _Remember, Clarke, this is all just pretend._

Clarke hoped her smile didn't look forced. "I'd really like that." The words felt strange in her mouth. "We can text to figure out details, right?"

Bellamy shrugged. "Of course." He stood up from the bed, looking much more relaxed than he did when he came in. "Thanks. I'll – uh… I'll see you tonight?"

"See you tonight."

As soon as Bellamy closed the door behind him, Clarke flopped backwards into the bed again. Her hands found their way to cover her face, smothering the groan coming from her lips.

 _Why in the freaking world did she assume he was meaning a date?_ And, more importantly, why was she _excited_ about going on a date with Bellamy?

* * *

Bellamy pulled out his phone again, pointing it in the direction Clarke sat. She made a face and held up her hand, blocking the lens.

"You have taken dozens of photos of me tonight, Bellamy," she complained.

There wasn't much strength behind her words; she didn't really have a problem with him taking so many photos of her. It was just _unusual._ Usually he was a 'live in the moment and not behind a lens' kind of guy.

"Maybe it's because you're my _beautiful bride_ ," he replied cheekily. Clarke hoped he wasn't taking a photo of her in that very moment because she felt her cheeks light up a bright red. She could feel her heart thudding rapidly and her palms go clammy.

"Bellamy," she whined. Her smile gave away the fact that she was more than okay with their light banter.

"I know I said we would take a night off from wedding talk," Bellamy said, "but I've been thinking about it and I'm considering asking Murphy to be the best man." Clarke nearly spit out her drink. "What? Not a good idea?"

"Considering the rock incident the last time he was at a wedding with us, I'm doubtful he could complete the duties."

Bellamy sipped his drink, his eyebrows raised. "The rock incident? Was I there?"

"You most definitely were. Echo and I spent majority of the evening falling off of our chairs in laughter because _you_ were involved with the rock incident too."

He had a funny look on his face. "You're shitting me. Tell me what the rock incident is. _Please."_

Clarke cracked a wide smile just thinking of it. _Gods,_ it was only a few months ago, but it felt like it could've easily been years. So many things had changed since then.

"You guys were carrying around rocks _all night,_ saying they were your dates. You literally introduced them to everyone you met."

"No. I don't believe you, Griffin."

"I'm telling the truth!" she insisted. " _Then_ you got upset when you lost your rock." Clarke stifled a laugh. "I think Echo and I had to physically restrain you from punching Murphy after that."

"Why did I even want to punch him?"

Clarke gave him a stern look. "When do you _not_ want to punch him?"

Bellamy was silent for a brief moment. Finally, he relented with a nod. "Okay, fair point. But why – _specifically –_ did I want to punch him this time?"

Clarke could barely contain her laughs. "You thought Murphy stole your rock-girlfriend. Then Murphy was convinced you were trying to steal his girlfriend. You two got loud."

Bellamy groaned and his hand ran through his hair. "Please don't let that happen at our wedding." He let out a sigh, a smile tugging at his lips. "But you bring up a valid – and hilarious – point. Murphy's a pain in the ass. Probably not the best option for a best man. He would keep things fun though."

"Will he lose the rings?" she asked. "Actually, I doubt it. I would be more concerned about _you_ losing the rings, considering you misplaced your rock-girlfriend." Bellamy's deadpan expression made Clarke laugh harder.

"This is _all_ fun and games now, but I'm going to get back at you somehow," Bellamy teased her. Clarke rolled her eyes. "I'm serious. We _are_ about to promise to spend the rest of our lives together, right? In sickness and in health, for better and for worse?" Bellamy cocked his eyebrows at her. Clarke's words died in her throat. Just hearing him speak their future vows out loud sent a shock through her body. "All I'm saying is I'll have a lot of time to figure out how to get some sweet revenge."

"I just hope you won't misplace me like you misplaced your rock," Clarke joked absentmindedly, channelling her energy into calming her spiked emotions. Her joke fell flat and was met with a sombre expression on Bellamy's face.

"Unlike the rock, you'll be my _wife,_ " Bellamy pointed out. Clarke appreciated his attempt to reassure her. She didn't have the energy to laugh or smile, though. His words seemed to suck the air out from between them.

 _Everything_ seemed to do that recently. The way he looked at her with a certain intensity in his eyes, the way his lips called her name, the way her heart raced when he spoke their vows, the way his lips felt against hers; it all caused her to feel weak in the knees.

 _Clarke was going to be his wife in one week._ It was an odd thought. It made her hair stand on edge and his back prickle. Yet, it still made her heart flutter with hope for their future. It made her chest swell with something she could only describe as love and affection.

Bellamy shifted, smiling in her direction. "I'll start taking the revenge right now, if you don't mind."

Clarke gawked at him for a moment, trying to figure out what he was meaning. He winked at her and glanced across the room. She allowed her eyes to travel in the same direction he was staring. She could see their waiter across the room.

" _I swear to gods, Bellamy,_ " she hissed. She didn't know what he was planning on doing, but he seemed to have a spark in his eye that told her it wouldn't be anything she would like.

"Be right back."

He slipped out of his chair and quickly made his way across the restaurant. Clarke blew a stray strand of hair from her eyes and took a long sip from her cup. She glanced around the nearly empty restaurant, a bundle of nerves in her stomach.

While she usually tried her best to eat and leave restaurants as quickly as possible to not hold up a table, she allowed herself to not feel guilty about staying a half an hour after she finished eating this time. Most of the tables were empty and various staff were milling about, giving her the impression that it would be okay this time.

Somehow, the time had slipped away from her. While it wasn't a date, it sure as hell felt like one. They had gone out to a new restaurant down the street from their apartment, which explained the lack of customers. They had spent over an hour at their table, talking about anything that came to mind.

It wasn't unusual for them to _talk_ – they were best friends and roommates, after all. But things had shifted. _They were getting married soon_ and that fact alone carried a lot of weight. At least, to Clarke, it felt like their dynamic had shifted, even if by just a fraction.

Things were different, even if she was trying hard to prevent that from happening. She must've been imagining it, but she could've swore he was staring at her more often than usual, a small grin on his face. The way he seemed to work their marriage into conversations always sent her heart racing too.

No matter how much she told herself that things would not be changing between the two of them with this marriage, she had a feeling she was losing that battle. Even she was beginning to look at Bellamy differently.

Don't get her wrong; the fact they were getting married wasn't what was making Clarke view Bellamy differently. _No, it wasn't that._ It was more along the lines of the wedding making her face the facts. The wedding wasn't _making_ her feel certain things about Bellamy, it was just _igniting_ them.

It was slightly startling to realize that she _liked_ kissing him. It was even more startling to realize that she liked kissing him because _she liked him._

The wedding wasn't what developed her feelings. It was only what pushed her to realize that _she wanted this._ She _wanted him._

Just viewing Bellamy in the light of a wedding approaching – their wedding – was making her realize that _maybe she had liked him for a while._ Now that was terrifying.

Bellamy slipped back into his seat wearing a sly smirk. Clarke didn't bother asking him what he was up to; she knew she was going to be finding out sooner or later.

He continued their conversation like nothing had changed. She was happy to let him talk. She wasn't too sure if she would be able to speak in that moment. _All she could think about was him._ "So, Murphy's out as best man. Should I ask Lincoln?"

Clarke nearly chocked on her drink. "I thought you didn't like Lincoln."

"I don't."

"Then why would you ask him?" Clarke stifled a laugh at Bellamy's tired expression. He had been struggling to pick someone as best man, and she really couldn't blame him. He was as equally close with all of his friends.

"Maybe I _will_ go with Murphy for best man. I mean, you _did_ steal Octavia from me. It's only fair."

She felt kind of bad taking Octavia for maid of honor, but it really _was_ at her insistence. Bellamy probably would've wanted her standing beside him at the wedding, and she could've easily chose Raven or Harper or even Wells to stand beside her.

"Hey, now. I'm pretty sure Octavia was the one shaking me awake in the morning begging me to make her maid of honor," she pointed out. Bellamy snorted.

"Yup. Sounds like her."

"It's all just a formality anyways," Clarke reminded him. "I'm pretty sure Octavia is handling all of the plans anyways. I'm _sure_ Murphy would be thrilled if you told him he was going to be the one standing beside you as we got married."

"Maybe I should ask Murphy and Jasper to be co-best men. Is that a thing?" Clarke shrugged. "I mean, they were all for betting on us getting together. They'd probably be honoured." She laughed at that.

She felt queasy as she thought of their group of friends, and how they had all been generally _unsurprised_ by their relationship. Murphy had even said that it was about time they got together. Jasper had mentioned wanting to bet on them.

Why was it so believable that she was in love with Bellamy? She had never been interested in him in that way for all of their years being friends, yet everyone else had apparently predicted their marriage years ago.

"I can't believe all of them," she said, the smile fading from her face slightly. "Can you believe it? They were all convinced we were pining for each other for years."

Now, with her feeling towards Bellamy starting to change, the hilarity of the situation wasn't wasted on Clarke. It was funny that she was _actually_ falling for him, just as her friends had apparently predicted years ago.

Bellamy took a long sip of his drink, his eyes locked on hers. "Sure. Unbelievable," he echoed dryly. There was the undertone of something she didn't quite understand with his statement, but she never got a chance to question him on it.

Clarke let out a surprised yelp as a plate of chocolate cake came from behind her. She pressed her hand to her racing heart, trying to calm herself. Several staff had surrounded their table, sparklers ablaze in their hands. Before she could even comprehend what was going on, they began singing 'happy birthday.' When Clarke realized they were all looking at _her_ , she sent Bellamy a pointed look.

That's when she realized he was recording the whole thing on his phone.

She let out a loud laugh when she seen his silly expression behind the camera. She glanced down at the cake in front of her and another laugh bubbled out from her chest. Written across the plate in chocolate sauce were the words _Happy Birthday & Engagement._

The song ended, the workers let out a string of well wishes, and then they disappeared. Clarke was left gawking at Bellamy.

"Say cheese," he prompted, waving his phone a little bit. Clarke hid her burning face behind her hands. "Aw, you're so cute when you blush."

His comment only made her blush harder. She swore in her head and hoped that her blush would be hidden by the dim lights of the restaurant.

"Bell, I can't believe you," she mumbled between her fingers.

"Well, considering my beautiful fiancée and I are getting married next week, I thought it would be appropriate to order some cake."

She peeked at him from behind her hand. "And the singing? The birthday?"

"Oh. Well, that was to get it for free." He set down his phone and reached across the table, scooping some cake onto his fork.

"You're despicable."

"Sue me. I wanted to do something nice." He grinned. "Plus, like I said, this is just the start of a life full of _sweet_ revenge."

Clarke tried to ignore how her heart fluttered with his playful promise of a life together.

* * *

"Why have you been taking so many photos?" Clarke asked again. She pulled her sweater tighter around her shoulders and tried to secure the loose strands of hair behind her ear. Just like earlier in the evening, Bellamy had his phone out and was taking a photo of Clarke.

"I just thought it would be a good idea to have a bunch of photos of each other, you know?" He shoved his phone back into his pocket. "I was thinking we could include it in the application or our portfolio, if needed. Like Octavia said, they're going to need as much proof as we can give them."

Clarke was stunned. _She never thought of that._ The thought of documenting their 'relationship' as much as possible never even crossed her mind. She stopped walking, a look of astonishment on her face.

Bellamy shrugged. "I thought it was a good idea. Maybe we could say this was our engagement celebration or something? They won't know the difference."

Clarke let out a small laugh and shook her head in disbelief. "It is a good idea. It's genius, actually." She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "Thank you for thinking of it."

"I mean, half of my camera roll is already full of photos of you, but a few more wouldn't hurt."

As if to demonstrate his point, he pulled out his phone and flipped through some of the older photos he had on it. Many of them were selfies of Clarke making silly expressions. It was a habit of hers to take as many selfies of herself as possible on his phone every time he left it unattended.

"Those are awful," she commented. Bellamy snorted.

"I think you look cute, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?" Clarke must've really been imagining things. _She could've sworn he called her beautiful._ "I thought you wouldn't appreciate if I attached those to our application," he said. He shoved his phone back into his pocket. "Although, I will admit, the video is something I'll cherish. You looked like you could kill me with the look you gave me."

Clarke took out her phone and pointed her camera at Bellamy. She clicked several photos of him, giggling when she knew she managed to capture him off-guard. Bellamy rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at her when he realized she was taking photos of him.

"Oh, yeah, that's _so_ cute. You're looking so good," she commented dryly. Bellamy glanced at her, a soft smile on his face. Clarke froze, caught off guard by the tenderness in his expression. Her finger froze over the button on her phone and her gaze flicked up to meet his. "What are you doing?"

Bellamy stared at her for what felt like an eternity, his eyes wide and searching. There were so many questions burning inside of them; ones that Clarke hoped she had the answer for. Then, his expression softened the tiniest bit, his lips pulling up slightly at the ends.

"Nothing. Just thinking."

He held his hand out towards her, his fingers spread. When he tilted his head to the side, beckoning her in his direction, Clarke threw caution to the wind and reached for his hand. She stepped towards him and relished in the feeling of his palm against hers. He gently squeezed her hand and his thumb ran over the back hers.

She looked up and met his stare again. He smiled at her, an emotion in his eyes that she didn't recognize. "Let's head home."

* * *

 **Yay, some Bellarke fluff and softness. This chapter was really fun to write, so I hope you enjoyed reading it! Also AHHHH Clarke is starting to realize her feelings. And maaaaaaaaaybe Bellamy is as well? Because he totally wasn't thinking about the fact he was falling for her as he reached for her hand at the end of the chapter. Definitely not. ;)**

 **I appreciate all reviews! Reviews truly inspire me to edit quicker, and they also let me know what you guys like reading! I always do my best to add in some more detail/a specific scene if a comment mentions that was their favourite part of a chapter. (Just in case you wonder how my writing process works or were wondering what the point is for commenting, other than for giving feedback/encouragements!)**

 **Have a wonderful day. xx**


	8. Chapter 8: The Tea

**Warnings: coarse language**

 **Comments and kudos are appreciated xx**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 8: The Tea**

* * *

 _June 16_

* * *

"You two better have a cake style selected in the morning," Octavia warned, her eyes narrowed. "Raven and Wells are willing to make _something_ for you, but you need to give them as much time as possible."

"We know," Clarke told her. She leaned against the wall of their entrance, watching as Octavia slipped on her shoes. After another few hours of planning, Clarke was exhausted. As terrible as it sounded, she was almost glad to see the youngest Blake leaving.

Don't get her wrong; she loved Octavia and she had been beyond helpful over the last few weeks. She was one of the only people she could talk to – _really_ talk to – about the wedding. But she was so over wedding preparations.

 _Eloping would've been so much easier._ Gods, she wished that she could just elope. She didn't need the cakes or the dresses or the guests. All she wanted was the marriage to be official.

Once again, she reminded herself that Octavia was right. They needed the ceremony for their application. The more proof they had of the legitimacy of their relationship, the easier it would be and the more likely the adoption would actually happen.

"Bellamy?" Octavia called. At hearing no response, the youngest Blake straightened up and turned to Clarke. "Where's my brother?"

"Probably in the kitchen." If Clarke knew one thing about Bellamy it was that he was basically a bottomless pit for food. No matter what he ate, he always seemed like he could eat more.

"Good." She was unsettled by the mischievous look in Octavia's eyes. It was the same look Bellamy had when he was about to do something questionable. "What the hell was that with the wedding dresses?"

Clarke's eyebrows pushed together. "What are you talking about? I thought you liked my dress?"

Octavia rolled her eyes. "I was meaning about you talking about _kissing Bellamy._ What the hell was that?"

 _Oh._ Clarke felt her cheeks light up in a blush. She had almost forgotten that Octavia had heard the whole conversation she had with Harper and Raven at the bridal shop. She knew the truth, too; she knew that Clarke had never kissed him.

Well… At least she _hadn't_ at that point.

"It's called acting."

Octavia didn't look too impressed. "I don't think you could make up those details even if you tried."

"You know, I am an artist, right? I _draw_ the details of a kiss if I need to."

Clarke hoped that her face wasn't as red as it felt. She really didn't want to play 21 questions with the younger girl. She knew that she would have to if she found out the activities her and Bellamy had gotten up to.

Plus, she wasn't sure if she would be able to even _talk_ about kissing Bellamy without being too obvious about whatever the hell was going on with her feelings towards him. Now _that_ was something she needed to avoid when talking to Octavia. Desperately.

"Come off it," Octavia ordered, clearly not convinced. "Did you kiss him?"

"No."

"Clarke."

"Well… maybe."

She sputtered and her eyes widened. "What? Really?" She ran her hand through her hair. "Holy shit."

Clarke gave her a pointed look. "It was only for practice. We agreed we should probably kiss once before the ceremony."

" _Yeah, okay,"_ Octavia said, rolling her eyes. "If that was the case, then why didn't you just come out and say it?"

 _Shit._ Well, she had to admit, Octavia was smart.

"Because I knew you would get like this," Clarke said, doing her best to sound convincing.

Octavia sighed at her attempt. "If it was a practice kiss like you claim then you would've just been upfront about it. If it meant nothing, then admitting it would have nothing."

Clarke didn't say anything. _She was right._ Why didn't she just tell Octavia about their practice kisses? She was the one to encourage them in the first place. What was the point in _not_ telling her?

 _Oh, that's right._ Because liking kissing Bellamy absolutely terrified her and ignoring it was the easiest way to deal with it.

Octavia's eyes widened and a smile spread across her face. "Oh my gods. You like him."

Clarke was stunned into silence. _How could she put it together so easily?_ Octavia couldn't keep the wide smile off of her face.

" _Holy crap._ Okay. Wow." She puffed out her cheeks. "I mean, a _little_ unexpected, but not really."

That snapped Clarke out of the trace she was in.

"No." She shook her head. _She wasn't going to go down this path._ It was just a stupid little crush because he was becoming her husband – there wasn't anything of actual substance there. "No, Octavia. You're wrong."

She didn't look like she believed her. "I'm rarely wrong about my brother, and I'm rarely wrong about you. I think you're totally falling for him."

Still, Clarke held on. "No. We're just friends. You know that. _Everyone_ knows that."

Octavia was deadpan. "I think everyone knows that what you _say._ " She shook Clarke by the arm. "Oh, come on. This is exciting! You're going to be married to him!"

"That's enough," Clarke warned, her eyes narrowing. "We're getting married _as friends._ "

"You do realize how stupid that sounds, right?"

"It doesn't matter. It's the truth." Clarke took a step away from Octavia. "We're getting married so we can adopt Madi. That's all."

"I know that's _why_ you're getting married, but that doesn't mean you guys can't like… fall in love, or whatever." Octavia smirked. "That would actually be really cute, right?"

"We've only kissed a few times. I think we're stretching this a little far, aren't we?"

 _Clarke decided to ignore the fact that she felt like she was falling for him._

Octavia shrugged. "Well, whatever. I know my brother better than the back of my hands. I know he would totally be into you."

Clarke nearly chocked on the air she was breathing. "Octavia," she warned.

"I'm serious!" Bellamy chose the perfect time to exit the kitchen. Octavia promptly shut her mouth and Clarke breathed a sigh of relief. Oblivious to the conversation the two of them were having, he glanced at Clarke.

"You okay?" She let out a weak smile. She felt like she was bright red and, judging off of Bellamy's concerned expression, she assumed she looked like it too.

"Fine. Thanks."

With one last suspicious glance thrown at Octavia, he turned around and walked towards the sitting room. Octavia nudged Clarke in the ribs. She batted her hands away.

"I'm going to head home," she announced. Bellamy gave her a thumbs up over his head. Leaning closer to Clarke, she mumbled, "you two kids have fun. You know. Don't be afraid to do some more practice."

"Please leave, Octavia," she groaned, opening the door. Octavia didn't look close to being offended. With one final pointed look, the youngest Blake turned and left the apartment.

Clarke let out a long breath and let her head fall to her hands. _Gods, what was happening?_

There was truth behind Octavia's words; if the kiss meant nothing, then why was it so hard to tell Octavia about?

She had already begun to notice things changing the previous day, when she was on her non-date with Bellamy. _She had already started to feel like she was falling for him._ Not wanting to tell Octavia about their kiss just contributed to that feeling.

As Clarke thought about it, she realized that _something_ had shifted in her since they kissed. Her heart raced when he was around. She was hyperaware of every time he touched her. His laugh made her feel like she could explode with emotions. She had been thinking about the kiss a lot more than what should've been considered for just being friends.

 _Oh, gods._

"Clarke!? You up for a movie?" Bellamy's voice broke her from her thoughts.

She swallowed thickly. "Sure." With one final breath, she pushed off of the door and walked towards the couch.

Clarke tried to keep herself distracted as Bellamy put in a movie to watch. She wrapped the throw blanket tightly around her shoulders and leaned into the side of the couch, putting as much distance between her and him.

She barely paid attention to whatever movie he selected. Her thoughts were too preoccupied with the thoughts Octavia had implanted in her.

 _Was she falling for him?_

It was a ridiculous question. _No_. It wasn't possible. He was her best friend and marriage partner, nothing more. She couldn't allow herself to fall for him; it would only cause more problems.

But somewhere between it all, something had changed. He volunteered to get married. He gave her his family ring for their engagement. They told all of their friends.

While she knew it was all fake, she couldn't stop thinking about the tender touches and the soft glances he gave her for the last week. She could stop thinking about those few kisses they shared, or the light feeling she had when she thought he was asking her on a date. She could still feel his hand on hers as they walked back to their apartment together the previous night.

The image of Bellamy with his arms wrapped around both her and Madi in the mini-golf parking lot was engraved on the back of her eyelids. _That was her family._ The memory of him ordering her a free birthday dessert at the restaurant and all of the photographs they took together was so fresh.

When did she start feeling like she _wanted_ this to be real?

She was glad that Bellamy sat on the opposite end of the couch. She doubted that him sitting beside her would've been a good idea. He was oblivious to her internal debate, with his eyes glued to the television screen. She smiled softly at how excited he got from the first _Harry Potter_ film starting to play.

"What did Octavia want to talk about?" he asked her once they were several minutes into the movie. Clarke shrugged.

"Wedding stuff."

"Of course. I always knew she had a knack for planning, ever since she would try to boss me around when we were kids." Clarke chuckled half-heartedly at that and turned her full attention to the movie.

This was what she needed. Some space away from Bellamy and a good movie to distract herself from her thoughts.

 _It was perfect._

Well, it was, right up until Clarke was blinking her eyes open. She curled her toes and pulled the thin blanket tighter around her shoulders, begging her body not to wake up just yet. Gods, she was so tired and her neck hurt and her pillows must've fallen off the bed again and-

 _Oh no._

Clarke's eyes jolted open and her body stiffened. _This was not her room._ The menu of the movie was playing on the television, rolling by in an endless loop. The music was playing softly through the speakers like a lullaby.

She was still on the couch. She must've fallen asleep while her and Bellamy were watching the movie.

 _Bellamy._

Clarke's breath caught in her throat as she realized the situation she was in. Her neck didn't hurt because she had kicked the pillows off of her bed. Her neck hurt because it had been pressed into the crook of Bellamy's arm.

She held her breath. His arm was thrown around her waist, holding her snuggly to his side. Her shirt had ridden up a few inches during the night somehow, and the tips of his fingers were brushing lightly against the exposed skin.

Her head was resting on his chest and her arm was stretched across his torso. It was oddly comfortable and familiar, despite the pangs of pain that came from her neck.

He was still sleeping. She could tell by the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. She could feel every warm breath he took on the top of her head.

Why was she so skittish? They had fallen asleep together numerous times. In fact, just last week they had shared his bed, when she found out she wasn't able to adopt Madi. Throughout their years of knowing each other, it was something that happened every once and a while. There was comfort found in each other's arms.

Now, though, his sleeping form pressed against hers felt more intimate than before.

She swallowed thickly. _Gods,_ how did she even end up across the couch from where she started the movie? Why did her sleeping mind think it would be a great idea to snuggle up against Bellamy? _And gods, what time was it?_

It was early, that's all she knew. Clarke lifted her head off of Bellamy's chest slowly, trying her best not to wake him. She glanced at the clock by the kitchen and groaned when it read 6AM. While it was earlier than she usually got up, it was also too late to be able to head back to sleep.

She turned to look at Bellamy. Her heart melted when she seen how peaceful his face was in his sleep. He didn't look like he was worried about anything, which was something she felt he deserved. He did too much worrying while he was awake.

Clarke rested her head back down on his chest and chewed on her bottom lip. She was wide awake now and couldn't fall back to sleep even if she wanted to. She also didn't want to wake up Bellamy, especially considering how long his days had become recently between work and wedding planning.

Deciding the best course of action would be to slip out from under his arm, she began to move slowly. Inch by inch, she wiggled out from his grasp until she was kneeling on the floor. She cringed as she heard him shifting behind her, obviously having been jostled as she escaped.

After a minute of waiting silently, he didn't wake up. His breathing had returned to the steady rhythm, indicating he was still asleep. _Good._

She decided to start boiling water for the tea and breakfast. While it was usually Bellamy who did that in the mornings, she decided it would be a nice gesture to return the favour.

She tip-toed her way to the kitchen, careful not to bang the door too loudly. As she set the water to boil, she leaned back into the counter, her head tipping backwards. She pressed her hand over her mouth to stifle a yawn.

She couldn't stop thinking of her body pressed against Bellamy's. He was so warm and so comfortable. Being engulfed by him like that made her mind foggy, like she was trying to examine her thoughts through the clouds.

Why was she so flustered from sleeping beside Bellamy? It wasn't anything new and that wasn't even the most compromising position she had woken up next to him in.

Her mind travelled back to Octavia's words. _Was she developing feelings for Bellamy?_

Clarke pushed off the counter and moved to the fridge, pulling out the milk. She must've been more tired than she realized. As she was pulling out the carton, she managed to knock her hand on the side of the door, which resulted in her promptly dropping the milk.

"Shit."

The carton hit the floor and the milk began spilling from the lips. She pressed a hand tightly over her mouth, swearing silently at herself for being so loud. After a brief second, she sprang into action and grabbed the dish towel from the counter.

As she was trying to wipe up the spill, the kitchen door opened. Clarke didn't have to look up to know that Bellamy would be standing in the doorway.

She did anyways. She cringed when she realized just how disoriented and sleepy he looked. His hair stood up in every odd direction and he had the throw blanket around his shoulders in a desperate attempt to keep his body heat in.

"I'm sorry!" she gasped. She tossed the cloth into the sink and stood up. "I didn't want to wake you up."

"I thought you were a murderer," he admitted sleepily. "I never would've guessed the noises coming from the kitchen in the _morning_ would be from you."

Even when he was half-asleep, he was as sarcastic as ever.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Well, I boiled water for tea. I _was_ going to attempt breakfast, but I'm glad you showed up to save the both of us from that fate."

"Tea?"

Clarke shrugged. "I was in a tea mood. Want some?" Knowing he would be because _he always is in a tea mood,_ she moved across the kitchen and reached into the cupboard for a mug. As she turned around, she nearly bumped into Bellamy. He must've trailed behind her toward the cupboards. "Oh."

He was standing close to her. _Really close._ She felt herself lean into the counter as she stared up at him, her eyes wide and breath held. Bellamy took a step closer to her, completely oblivious to her surprise, and reached above her to grab his own mug.

Clarke closed her eyes and took in a shuttering breath as he leaned around her. His face was inches from her once again and she could feel his breath on her forehead.

He glanced down at her as he set his mug on the counter. Brown eyes locked with grey.

She couldn't break the eye contact if she wanted too. His eyes were so intense and captivating. He seemed to realized just how close they had gotten with his eyes widening slightly, but he made no move to rectify it.

 _She could kiss him she was standing so close._

She noticed that his eyes darted down to her lips several times. Her mouth ran dry. Her heart was beating so loudly that she was sure he could hear it. If he did, he made no indication.

Then, after an impossibly long minute, he stepped away. Clarke let out the breath she was holding, but couldn't look away from his eyes.

"Sorry," he said. He didn't sound sorry. _She didn't want him to be sorry._

She cleared her throat and lifted the mug in her hand. "Tea?"

* * *

 _June 17_

* * *

Later that day, Octavia came over to finalize wedding plans. At her request, a wedding cake design was picked out. It was easier than Clarke thought it would be. Not caring about the details really paid off.

That seemed to be Clarke's life now; wedding plan after wedding plan. _And she was sick of it._ She couldn't wait until she was married and she wouldn't have to look at another wedding magazine again.

Well… until her _actual_ marriage, that is. Whenever her and Bellamy would decide to call this thing off, she would eventually find another person to get married to, and she would have to do this whole process over again.

 _She didn't want to think about it._ And it wasn't only the annoyance of planning another wedding causing her pains; it was the fact that whatever this thing was with Bellamy wasn't permanent.

They were going to call it off some time. When all of this was over, they would be getting a divorce. _A few months, one year, five years?_ She had no clue.

Bellamy and Clarke stood together in the kitchen, attempting to make dinner. They were both pretty sick of having takeout that week. Octavia had left earlier that hour, leaving the two of them alone again.

"We need to talk about something," Clarke said, looking up from the boiling pot of water she was attending to. Bellamy glanced over his shoulder, clearly surprised at her sombre tone.

"Sure. Yeah. Anything." He continued to slather garlic butter onto the piece of bread in his hands, but he clearly wasn't paying too much attention to that task. "What's up?"

"I think we should discuss things a little. You know… Like how this is going to work?" Clarke stirred the water as she spoke, too nervous to make eye contact.

Bellamy snorted. "I'm assuming you mean getting married? In that case, the fact you have waited _this long_ to decide we should have a plan is actually hilarious."

She sent him a withering look. It didn't have the effect she indented, probably because she couldn't hide her amused smile.

"I'm serious," she said. "We haven't even discussed when we'll, you know, get divorced." The words felt odd to say, even if it wasn't logical. _Of course they would have to get divorced._ That was all part of the plan.

Still, it felt strange talking about divorce when their wedding was only a few days away.

"Oh. Right." His hand paused just above the bread. Slowly, he placed the knife back onto the counter and turned around to face her. She could feel his eyes boring into the side of her face, but she didn't dare turn to look at him. "Divorce."

Clarke pulled the water off the element, turned off the stove and stepped away from it. She turned to Bellamy, her arms crossed tightly across her chest.

"Yeah. I mean, it has to happen some time, right? This can't last forever."

Bellamy smiled thinly at her. "You're right." They were silent for a long moment. Clarke wanted to wince at the awkward tension. "So… Do you have something in mind?"

"I don't know." Clarke bit her fingernail as she glanced at Bellamy. He stood mere feet away from her, his hands buried deep in his pockets. It looked like the tension was hitting him too. "I mean… We aren't even married yet. I haven't thought that far." _I don't want to think that far._

"Neither have I," he admitted. He shrugged. "Well, I guess we could always just not set an expiration date."

Clarke had to stifle a laugh. It was a ridiculous situation to be laughing in, but she couldn't help it. "Did you really just equate our relationship to a carton of milk?"

Bellamy's face broke out in a grin. "Huh. I guess so. But you know what I mean."

"I know." Her smile faded and her stomach felt like it turned to lead. She had trouble swallowing.

"We could always just… go with it and see?" Bellamy suggested again. "We don't have to set a limit. We have no idea how long the adoption process will take, or if she'll have trouble adjusting, or if she'll need the support of both of us. We wouldn't want to throw something like a divorce in the mix if she's having trouble. I think it'll be best if we don't set anything and just wait and see."

Clarke nodded her head numbly. Already, her thoughts were spiralling elsewhere.

"You know, you don't _actually_ have to do the parenting stuff if you don't want," Clarke pointed out slowly. Bellamy recoiled at her words. "I mean… You just said that she might need both of us so we should stay married. I just don't want to hold you back because of my kid."

" _Our_ kid," he said. Just hearing him say those words sent her heart racing. "I'm not doing this just so you can adopt her, you know. _We talked about this before._ I want this too. I want this family." Clarke merely nodded.

"Yeah."

"Madi won't be a burden or anything like that, if that's what you're thinking. She wouldn't be holding me back from anything because there's nowhere else in the world I would rather be." He stepped closer to her, his hand reaching for hers. She met him halfway without giving it much thought. "You'll be by my side. _Our daughter_ will be by my side. We'll be a family. _Of course_ I will be doing the parenting stuff."

"Our daughter," Clarke repeated, her voice a little awed. "I never really thought of it like that." She glanced up at him, an unsure expression on her face. "We'll be sharing a kid."

Bellamy cracked a lopsided smirk. "You're _just_ realizing that?" he teased. Falling back into the seriousness of the situation, Bellamy cupped the back of Clarke's head and pulled her into a hug. She went willingly and wrapped her arms tightly around his back. She melted into his embrace. "We'll be sharing a kid. We'll be parents together."

"Are you ready?" she questioned, her voice muffled by his shirt. Bellamy tilted his head and pressed a brief kiss to the top of hers. She relished in the feeling of his lips against her skin again.

"I am." His nose rested lightly against the side of her head and Clarke smiled softly, in complete bliss being wrapped up in his arms. "I helped raised Octavia and I've been wanting a family for as long as I can remember. I'm ready for this. I'm ready for us to be a family."

"I am, too," she admitted quietly.

In a strange way, this was the truth. While it was strange to think about the fact that she would be raising a child with her best friend, it was also calming. There was nobody else in the world that knew her as well as Bellamy did. There was nobody else in the world she would rather raise a child with. And there was nothing in the world that she wanted more than to adopt Madi.

"I know. You'll make an amazing mother." He pulled back from the embrace smiling. "So, yes, of course I'll do parenting stuff. I'll be there for everything. I'll take her to get ice cream and go bowling. I'll help her shop for back to school stuff, I'll pack her lunches and cook her breakfast because gods only know you'd probably burn the apartment down if you try." Clarke smirked at that. _It was true._ She was a pretty terrible cook in the mornings.

"I'll be there for her as much as she needs me. If she needs someone to talk to, I'll be there. If she's having a bad day and needs support, I'll be there. I'm willing to help her back up when she falls and hold her when she cries. I'm willing to be a father-figure or a friend or anything she needs in her life. I'm willing to be here, Clarke. _I want to be here._ For both of you."

Without saying anything, Clarke fell back into his arms and buried her face into his chest. Tears were already streaming down her cheeks. She couldn't describe the feeling completely, other than it being one of pure bliss and hope and love.

Bellamy was going to be a great father to their daughter.


	9. Chapter 9: The Sweetest Sugar

**Warnings: coarse language, slightly suggestive theme**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 9: The Sweetest Sugar**

* * *

 _June 18 (morning)_

* * *

The next morning, Clarke laid awake in bed. She could hear Bellamy moving around the kitchen cooking breakfast for himself, but she couldn't bring herself to go talk to him.

Instead, she flipped onto her other side and tightened the blanket around her shoulders. Her eyes locked onto the picture on her bedside table. It was one that Raven had given her for her birthday the previous year.

It was her friend group seated at their usual table at The Ark. Raven, Monty, Jasper, Murphy, Wells, Octavia, Lincoln and, of course, her and Bellamy. It was taken during Bellamy's birthday celebration and _they all looked so happy._

Her eyes focused in on her and Bellamy. Like usual, they sat beside each other. His arm had been thrown around her shoulders and she was leaning into his side, wide smiles spread across both of their faces.

While it had always been her favourite photo of her group of friends and one of her favourite photos of her and Bellamy, she couldn't help but analyze it now.

 _What did their friends see in them that made it so obvious they were pining for each other?_

Was it because she looked entirely too comfortable being in his arms? Or was it the way that his eyes were locked on her, a soft smile on his face?

She had to admit; he looked really good in that photo. His eyes were crinkled from his wide smile. His skin was practically glowing from endless days spent out in the sun, his freckles as prominent as ever on his skin. His hair was longer then, hanging just passed his jawline.

Clarke closed her eyes tightly, ignoring the rise of emotion in her.

Well, if she wasn't sure before, she was sure as hell now.

 _She was falling for him._

It wasn't a question anymore. Every time he was around her, she felt her heart skip a beat. All she could think about was his kiss, and how his hands felt pressed into her body, and how she just wanted to be pressed into him for hours. All she could think about was getting married to him, becoming his wife and sharing a kid with him.

 _Which was exactly the problem._

Falling for him was too complicated. The conversation from the previous night, when they discussed being parents together, just affirmed that.

 _Things would be too complicated if she let emotions get in the way._

They had a deal; get married as friends and adopt Madi. _That was the deal._ That was their plan. They couldn't stray from that.

They were going to be parents together. They were going to share a child. It wouldn't just be her daughter or his daughter; it would be _their_ daughter.

 _She was terrified of what would happen if things went wrong._ What if she allowed herself to even begin admitting she was falling for him, only for him not to feel the same way? While she could've sworn she had seen Bellamy looking at her differently over the last few days, _what if she was wrong?_ What if she read the situation completely wrong?

Worse; what if they both decided to try being a couple – a real couple – only for things not to work out? What would happen to their marriage then? Would they still be willing to stay together as long as possible for Madi?

Her thoughts kept getting worse and worse. What would happen to Madi if things went wrong? What if they decided they weren't meant for each other? What would happen if they ended on bad terms?

 _Where would Madi be left?_ Would she be forced to suffer a loss of yet another family? Would her and Bellamy try to stick together to work things out for her, even if they weren't able to be friendly with each other?

Like Bellamy said, she might need the support of both of them, but how could they give that if they were on bad terms? How could they raise a kid together if things spiralled out of control?

She had to put Madi first. She had to prioritize their daughter.

Clarke knew that parents got divorced all of the time and still raised their kids wonderfully. She knew that it was possible. _She knew that the ending of a parental relationship didn't mean the ending of a family._

She knew that, yet the prospect of it terrified her.

If she could avoid being on bad terms with Bellamy at all and endangering Madi, she would do that in a heartbeat. She didn't want to drift away from Bellamy because she gave into her feelings and her wants. She didn't want to make Madi's life more difficult by adding in hostility towards her and Bellamy.

Plus, with couples that were married and had children of their own, they had dated and been engaged for _at least a few weeks, right?_ That wasn't her and Bellamy.

Their wedding was on the 20th – less than a week away. Even if she rolled out of bed in that very moment, marched up to him and confessed everything, they wouldn't get that same time. They would get _days_ to figure out their relationship before their marriage.

"Shit," she groaned, her hands coming up to smother her face. What was the point of even _thinking_ of a relationship with Bellamy?

She didn't want to risk losing him, no matter what. While she was scared of what would happen with Madi, she was also terrified about what would happen with him. How would their relationship change? She didn't want to lose her best friend in all of this.

Clarke couldn't imagine living her life without Bellamy in it. She didn't want to risk losing him or losing their connection and friendship that they had by letting herself fall for him.

He was her best friend. He was her roommate. He was her marriage partner. He would be the father of the child they adopt together.

She was letting her feelings could that. _She couldn't do that._ She wouldn't do that. She wouldn't jeopardize their future – their family.

With that settled, she wrapped the blanket tighter around her shoulders and shut her eyes. Somehow, it was easy falling asleep to Bellamy moving around in the kitchen. It was familiar. It was home.

 _He was her home._

* * *

 _June 18 (evening)_

* * *

Bellamy dodged the piece of carrot that Clarke had tossed at him. She burst into laughter when it still managed to hit him on the forehead.

"You're going to have to be quicker, Blake," she teased. Bellamy playfully scowled at her.

"You're wasting food, Clarke," he quipped. "I thought you were an adult."

"Mmmm, I am. That's even more of a reason to laugh when I can." She tossed another loose piece of vegetable at him from their shared box.

"You're on now, Griffin."

He reached into the box of vegetables between them, pulling out a piece of broccoli. He tossed it at her, but managed to miss her by an inch. She let out a small bark of laughter and jumped up from the couch, her binder and throw blanket falling to the floor.

She crouched low, playfully wiggling her hands out in front of her. She moved gracefully from foot to foot, almost as if she was taunting him.

 _Nope;_ that was _exactly_ what she was doing.

"Looks like you're going to have to work on your speed _and_ your aim," she pointed out. Bellamy cocked his eyebrows and pursed his lips.

"You're going to regret that," he warned playfully. Clarke couldn't keep her excitement down and let out a breathless laugh.

"I'm _sure_ I will."

Bellamy leapt into action, jumping up from their couch. His notebook went tumbling to the floor and landed beside Clarke's. Wedding plans forgotten, he jumped after her.

She let out a laugh and sidestepped, moving out of his reach by inches.

She didn't know _why_ she was so giddy or why she was being so coy, but she felt light and free that evening. She felt like acting a kid for one night was perfectly acceptable and _so_ needed.

For the last few months, she always had a constant weight on her shoulders. Between work, school, volunteering, her mother, moving places, and trying to adopt Madi, she felt like everything in her life was weighing her down.

Planning the wedding with Bellamy had lifted that load the tiniest bit. It just reinforced the idea that he was beside her then, just as he would always be beside her in some form. Him being beside her made her feel lighter.

Besides, the wedding was coming along nicely. Most of the details had been worked out, a handful of guests had already RSVP'd, and things were moving along nicely with the adoption agency. She had managed to meet with them earlier and they were willing to reconsider her application, as long as she reapplied _with_ Bellamy. It was the best news she could've expected to hear.

So, yes, she was in a playful mood.

Bellamy lunged at Clarke again, a coy smile spread across his face. Clarke ducked out from under his arm and took off running towards the kitchen. When she got around to the back of the couch, she spun to face him. Both of them stood on opposite sides of the couch, each crouched low.

Clarke scanned him, quickly analyzing what action he was going to take. Both of them waited for the other to strike. Her breath came out in tiny pants and her heart rate had skyrocketed.

Bellamy made the first move. Instead of running around either side of the couch, he simply hurdled over it. Clarke took off running in the other direction, Bellamy following right behind her.

When she made it back around to the front of the couch, her foot managed to get hooked inside of her blanket. She let out a small yelp as she was thrown off balance, the momentum of her body carrying her forward.

Bellamy lunged for her before she could face plant, pulling her back upright. His momentum carried him forward too, sending him tumbling to the couch. Clarke was still wrapped up in his arms and she let out another startled yelp as she was brought with him downwards.

They both managed to land on the couch, their limbs tangled together. Clarke let the laughter she had been holding back bubble out of her. Each laugh sounded breathless even to her. Bellamy joined in with her, his laugh echoing around her. She could feel the vibrations of it throughout her body.

Her laughter died quickly in her throat when she quickly realized exactly which position they had tumbled into. They were pressed chest-to-chest, with Bellamy's back flush against the back cushions of the sofa. His arms were locked around her waist, just as hers were pressed into his back. She could feel his heart racing against her own chest. She could feel his breaths against her forehead.

She blinked rapidly a few times, inching her head back so she could see his full face. He had quieted too, as soon as he heard Clarke's laughter stop. He glanced down at her, a wide smile spread across his face. His eyes crinkled with his smile, warming her heart. His eyes were so tender, and just one look made her feel like she would melt or explode.

She could feel his heart racing against her hands. Each breath he took washed over her face. The cells in her body were hyperaware of every inch of her that was pressed into him.

 _He was so close._

She swallowed thickly as she thought back to the last time their noses were so close together. _They had been kissing at that time_. _She could still feel his lips on hers._

The only other time she had been so close to him was when they had fallen asleep on the couch together the other night, or when they trapped each other by the counters the following morning, or when they had hugged later that evening.

Her gaze fell to his lips, an undeniable _want_ taking over her. _She wanted that again._ She had been glancing to his lips more and more often, ever since they practiced for the wedding. She could still remember what it felt like to have his lips on hers. She could still remember the thrill that she felt.

They both stilled in that moment. She could practically taste him on her tongue he was so close. His eyes were half-closed and locked onto her lips. Somehow, they were darker than they were before. She swallowed thickly and sucked in a long breath between her teeth, trying to steady her racing heart.

He looked up to her eyes again, his gaze searching. They were burning with an intensity she had only seen a few times before. After a brief moment, they dropped back down to her lips.

 _Those moments were torturous._

The seconds ticked by slowly. _One beat. Two beats. Three._

Then he was moving.

He swooped his head towards hers in one swift movement, closing the distance between them, but before their lips could meet he paused. Her eyes fluttered open in confusion and she let out a breathless chuckle.

 _Did he know he was driving her wild?_

She could feel his lips ghosting along her own, _so_ close to touching hers, yet so far away. It took everything in her not to close the distance, remembering her thoughts from earlier.

 _This would complicate everything._

Bellamy let out a breathless laugh and his hand moved up to brush the side of her head. His fingers were soft as they ran through her hair and she felt herself leaning into them.

"I'm going to kiss you. Is that okay?"

"Gods, come here, Bellamy."

She lost the battle of self control and closed the tiny gap between the two of them. She felt the tension in her body evaporate as their lips met.

 _They were softer than she remembered._ And he was impossibly gentle with her. His hand cupped the side of her face, his thumb swooping down the travel the length of her jawbone.

Once again, she found her hand travelling to the nape of his neck, tangling in the back of his hair. Her other hand pressed firmly against his chest, resting right over his heart.

Bit by bit, she wanted more and more. More of his lips on hers, more of his hands cupping her face with such tenderness, and more time spent pressed against him. _She wanted this to be her life;_ she wanted her life to be filled with kisses from Bellamy, to be filled with waking up on a couch together, to be filled with chasing each other around the apartment.

"Clarke." Her name fell from her lips, making her smile softly.

Her teeth grazed across the bottom of his lip. She felt his body tense beside her own, only for a brief second. It was almost as if he was dazed by the position they were in, tangled together on the sofa, kissing until their heads felt light.

They both broke apart for air, their chests heaving. Bellamy pressed his forehead gently against hers as he caught his breath. She couldn't help but let out a breathless laugh, the sheer joy of _finally having their lips together again_ overwhelming the nerves and the confusion she had underneath.

Her hand trailed down his arm, her fingertips ghosting along his exposed skin. Bellamy's eyes fluttered open and locked onto hers.

The last time they had kissed, she had pulled away from him as soon as she heard his voice. _It was terrifying to be kissing Bellamy._ Now, staring into his eyes, she thought the complete opposite.

 _It was terrifyingly brilliant to be kissing Bellamy._ She wasn't scared by the reminder of who he was. She didn't want to pull away because she suddenly remembered it was _Bellamy_ she was kissing.

No. Knowing it was Bellamy made it all the more sweeter.

Bellamy's lips were crashing back down on hers, this time with much more sureness. His lips moved with hers easily. She could barely process any thoughts, she was so absorbed with the kiss.

 _He was such a good kisser._

Her lip was between his. Her hand was buried in his hair. His fingers were running along any exposed skin.

He rocked forward, desperate to get closer to her.

Clarke broke away from the kiss and let out a yelp as she rolled backwards off the couch. Bellamy managed to keep his hold on her, but was sent tumbling to the floor beside her from his momentum.

Once again, they landed beside each other. He rolled onto his side again, his hands circling her sides carefully. She twisted around as well and locked her ankle around his, her eyes locked onto his.

 _She was falling for him and it was terrifying._

She thought of her internal debate from the morning. This list of all the reasons _why_ they shouldn't be doing this jumping to her mind.

 _They were only friends. They couldn't risk messing things up. There was too much at stake._

She didn't care in that moment.

Every touch felt like electricity and she wanted more. She didn't _want_ to stop feeling those sparks that she got when they met.

Clarke and Bellamy met in the middle, their lips connecting once again. His hands clenched the slightest bit on her sides, electing a muddled sound from her mouth. She could feel, rather than see, him smile against her mouth.

Their kisses turned more frantic. Every one managed to steal her breath and make her toes curl. His hands scorched her skin in the best ways possible as they moved across her sides and up her back.

 _No._ No, they shouldn't be doing this.

Clarke tangled her fingers into his brown locks, tugging gently. His head followed her directions willingly, somehow managing to press his lips tighter onto her own.

"Bellamy," she mumbled, her words distorted against his lips. His hand once again cupped the side of her face and he inched backwards, the frenzy between them dying down. The heat was replaced with something more tender and more slow.

Each kiss was as sweet as sugar, in that moment. It was almost like each time his mouth met hers, all of his emotions were poured into her. _Gentle. Sweeter. Softer._

She shouldn't be kissing him.

"Bell," she mumbled. Gods, she didn't want to break apart from him. All she wanted was to ignore that tiny voice inside of her head, telling her how irresponsible and dangerous this was.

It felt like her heart could burst with the affection she had for the man tangled beside her. His hands cupped her cheeks with such care. His kisses were so tender, his lips so soft against hers. Each touch was savoured, like it was the first drink of water on a scorching hot day.

 _Pull away,_ she told herself. She really didn't want to. If she spent the next hours pressed up against Bellamy, that still wouldn't be enough.

But when they broke away momentarily, she forced herself to roll onto her back, separating herself from Bellamy. She blinked rapidly, trying to clear the fog from her mind.

She shouldn't be kissing him. It was jeopardizing _everything_ they had worked for – everything that they wanted. She couldn't risk their little family by letting herself give into her wants.

Bellamy let his head fall onto the ground, a wide smile on his face. He closed his eyes and let out a few breathless laughs.

Clarke followed suit and allowed her head to rest on the ground. She glanced up at the ceiling of their apartment, trying her best to regain her breath. Her heart was pounding and her stomach felt light.

After a moment of complete stillness and silence, Clarke grimaced and pulled her wedding binder out from her side. She tossed it to the side and squeezed her eyes shut.

That binder was the perfect reminder.

 _This was irresponsible._ She shouldn't have let herself get carried away. She couldn't risk their family. _She couldn't risk Madi._

What would happen if their friendship deteriorated because something went sour in their relationship? They were about to be married. She couldn't risk them having a fallout; it was risking their futures.

Finally, Bellamy broke the silence. "Was that more wedding practice?" Bellamy rasped from beside her.

Her gaze flicked to his and she studied his face. His hair was sticking up and his lips were more swollen than usual. She wanted nothing more than to press her lips against his again in that moment.

 _No,_ she told herself. _No more._ She didn't want to risk their family. _She couldn't._

His eyes were searching her own, seeking an answer. She closed her eyes and smiled thinly. "I don't know. Was it?"

 _She shouldn't be doing this._ It would get messy. She was marrying him in less than a week; wasn't it easier to _stay_ friends? It was less complicated, that was for sure. _And what would happen to Madi if things fell apart with them?_

No. She shouldn't be doing this.

When Bellamy didn't answer her question, she turned to look up at him. Her heart felt heavy in that moment when it should have felt lighter than air. "Yeah." Her mouth could barely form the words. "Yeah. This was just more practice for the wedding."

She didn't wait to see his reaction to her words.

While only hours before, she wasn't too sure if her feelings were reciprocated, she didn't have those same doubts anymore. _He kissed her just as much as she kissed him._ That had to mean something, right?

Clarke was already sitting up and moving to stand. She cleared her throat and pulled down the hem of her shirt, recovering her hips.

 _She was pulling away from him._ She was shutting him out. She was walking away.

It was the right thing to do, she knew it. She couldn't risk their friendship. She couldn't risk their family.

Somehow, she knew his expression in that moment would break her more than her own actions were. She knew that by pulling away, he would be confused.

 _It was for the best._

Bellamy still didn't say anything.

 _The silence was even more torturous than the anticipation._

He sat up slowly from the floor and she snuck a glance at him. He looked confused and dazed, yet she could _feel_ the waves of tension rolling off of him. Clarke tried to force out a smile, but she doubted it looked anything more than a grimace.

She realized there was no dignified way out of her situation, but she needed to go. She turned to him, still not able to meet his eyes. "I'm going to turn in."

"Uhm. Okay."

Clarke could feel tears pricking at her eyes as she stepped over his legs to get to her bedroom. Hearing him sound so confused and so unsure hurt her. _She never wanted to be the cause of any pain for him._ All she wanted to do was protect both of them. All she wanted was to protect their family.

 _That's what she was working for._ Their family. She wasn't working for their relationship. They weren't getting married because they were in love.

 _They were doing this for family._

She needed to keep it that way.

"Clarke?" His voice sounded rough. She was rooted to the floor outside of her bedroom. She couldn't bring herself to turn around and face him. "I hoped your answer would be no."

Her mouth ran completely dry with those words. _He wanted their kisses to mean something. He wanted this to be more than just for the wedding. He wanted this to be real_. She pressed her lips tightly together, trying to keep her emotions at bay.

"Goodnight, Bellamy," she said, her voice cracking.

Even though it hurt, she knew this was for the best.

 _At least, that's what she told herself._

* * *

 **HAHA welp. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Now it's officially out there – Bellamy wants this to be more than just a pretend relationship. And it's officially out there – Clarke is terrified and in denial.**

 **The next chapter** ** _might_** **be on the 29th, but it could also come on the 30th. This chapter was originally meant for the 29th, but I decided to post it a little earlier to celebrate 200 kudos in 15 days! I still need to edit chapter 10, plus write chapters 11 and 12.** ** _haha._**

 **Once again, comments are really appreciated. Thank you to everyone who has left one so far!**


	10. Chapter 10: The Decision

**Warnings: coarse language, possibly? Other than that, nothing comes to mind!**

 **Also, please note that the estimated chapters for this fic has changed from 12 to 13! I just couldn't fit everything I wanted into those final two chapters, so they're being split into 3!**

 **PS - I am so sorry about the text conversation format here. All text conversations are in _italics_. I've used underlines to signify where Bellamy is typing. The format got changed as I uploaded the chapter! If you'd like to see it formatted how I intended it to be, please go check out this fic on my AO3 (I'm Pawprinter over there).**

 **I hope you enjoy this angst-filled chapter!**

* * *

 **Chapter 10: The Decision**

* * *

 _June 19_

* * *

They were back to square one. Clarke hadn't seen Bellamy all day and it was driving her wild. Her mind was swimming with terrible thoughts of what he was thinking and how she had messed it up. All she wanted was to _see_ him, to talk to him and reassure herself that they would be okay.

 _Please don't tell me I screwed up._

Gods, that was the second last thing she wanted. How ironic was that; she was scared she screwed things up by trying _not_ to screw things up.

The very last thing she wanted was to hurt Bellamy. She wanted to protect him and bring him as much happiness as she could. She wanted to spend the rest of her life making him laugh. All she managed to do was to push him away, it seemed.

Somehow, she managed to screw up _all_ of those things in one night.

She pulled out her phone and opened their chat history. She read their last string of texts from earlier that morning.

Even his contact name brought a little pang of hurt to her heart. Bellamy had stolen her phone only a few days ago and switched his contact name from _Baguette_ to _Fiancé,_ along with a handful of heart emojis. Once she realized what he did, she couldn't bring it in herself to change it back.

 _Fiancé_ fit him, in a strange way. More so than _Baguette,_ which had become an inside joke between the two of them during their first week of living together. _He was her fiancé._ She was going to marry him the next day.

 _Fiancé: I left you some cut fruit I didn't finish. It's in the fridge._

 _Clarke: Thank you._

 _Clarke: You're already at work?_

 _Fiancé: Yes._

 _Clarke: I didn't hear you leave in the morning._

 _Clarke: I wanted to catch you before you left._

 _Fiancé: Oh. Sorry. Early shift._

 _Clarke: No need to apologize. I'm sorry I missed you._

 _Clarke: Did you want to do dinner tonight?_

 _Fiancé: Can't. The guys are doing something for me._

 _Fiancé: I thought Octavia was throwing you a bachelorette party too?_

 _Clarke: If you consider watching rom-coms a bachelorette party, then yes._

 _Clarke: You sure we can't see each other tonight?_

 _Fiancé: I don't think so._

 _Clarke: Alright._

 _Clarke: Are we good?_

 _Fiancé: Of course. Why wouldn't we be?_

 _Clarke: You know why._

 _Fiancé: Do I?_

 _Clarke: Bellamy._

 _Fiancé: Break is almost over. I'll be home late._

 _Fiancé: We can talk then?_

 _Clarke: I'd like that._

 _Clarke: Thank you._

 _Clarke: Have fun tonight._

 _Fiancé: Yeah. You too._

Clarke sighed and tapped along the edge of her phone.

Enough was enough. She was just going to text him.

Clarke began typing. _I'm sorry about last night. For what it's worth, I wanted my answer to be no, too. I didn't want those to just be for practice. I really freaking wanted to kiss you. I like kissing you. I just think it would be best if we kept things how they are, you know? Platonic is best. It's safe. It's what we know. I just don't want to screw this up. We're going to get married. We're going to try to adopt Madi. Too many things are at risk to start changing. I hope you understand._

Clarke chewed her lip as she read over her text. Deciding against it, she quickly erased it and began typing again. _I wanted to talk to you about last night. I never had any intentions of hurting you, but I think I have. I'm so sorry. I wish_

Groaning, she erased that message too. Why was this so impossible? Why was it so hard to find the right words?

Just as she erased the final word, the dreaded ellipsis appeared beside his name. Her heart froze in her chest as she waiting for the new text from Bellamy to appear.

 _Fiancé: Night ended early. Monty accidentally broke the Wii._

 _Fiancé: I'll head to Murphy's for a while._

 _Clarke: We're almost done._

 _Clarke: Pretty sure the main character will end up either married to or engaged to the guy by the end of this movie._

 _Clarke: Nothing ground-breaking._

 _Fiancé: OK._

 _Clarke: You can come home if you want?_

 _Clarke: I was hoping to talk?_

 _Fiancé: Right._

 _Fiancé: Yeah, sure._

 _Fiancé: I'll be home in 30._

She wanted to cry. He sounded so distant in his texts and it hurt. Gods, she had screwed up so bad and she couldn't find the right words to make things better. Their wedding was tomorrow and he was hurt.

Why did she pull away? Why did she tell him their kisses meant nothing?

Well, she knew why. _But she felt like she was lost with that answer._ Why did she feel like she had to choose family over Bellamy?

"You're not even watching the movie," Harper pointed out, her head nestled against Clarke's shins. She had decided the floor would be more comfortable than all four of them squishing onto Bellamy and Clarke's couch and opted for the ground.

"She's texting her fiancé," Raven teased, leaning over to read Bellamy's contact name. Clarke stuffed her phone between her legs, keeping it away from prying eyes.

"Leave her alone," Octavia ordered. She didn't look too impressed by Raven peering over Clarke's shoulder. "This is her party. If she wants to spend it texting my brother, then by all means."

Harper pouted. "But it's her last night as a free lady."

"I'm not going to jail," Clarke pointed out. "I mean… I get it. I get the point of these parties, I really do. I'm just not feeling it." She shrugged.

She never felt trapped with the prospect of marry Bellamy anyways. Maybe it was because she knew what they had was all made-up and she knew they would both slip out eventually. Maybe it was because she really wanted this. Plus, in that moment, all she wanted to do was to talk to Bellamy and figure _whatever this was_ out.

"You've been acting off all night," Raven said slowly. She eyed Clarke suspiciously. "Is everything okay?"

 _Gods._ How come every time someone asked 'are you okay?' things would suddenly feel a lot worse? It was almost like concern was the key to unlocking all the pent up emotions that she was trying to bury.

With Raven's words, Clarke felt like she could burst into tears at any second. She pressed her lips together tightly and set her jaw.

"I'm fine."

"Whoa." Raven sat up straighter, suddenly tuned-in to Clarke's emotional turmoil. "I don't think you're fine."

"I am." Clarke's voice croaked. She laughed and pinched the bridge of her nose, desperate to contain her emotions. _She was fine._ She didn't need to be upset. _No._ No, things were just fine.

Gods, she couldn't even lie to herself about that. _Things were not fine._ Hurting Bellamy was the last thing she wanted to do, yet there she was.

"Do I need to go yell at him?" Raven asked, reaching for Clarke's arm in a sign of support. "I will. You know I will."

"No." Clarke forced out a thin smile. "It's not him. Trust me. Bellamy's great."

The room was silent for a moment as Clarke tried to steady herself. She tried to convince herself that things were fine, but she knew the truth.

"Alright." Octavia climbed up from the couch, taking control of the situation. "I'd say this party is over."

* * *

Octavia paced in front of Clarke, her lip between her teeth. Clarke sat on the couch, her head resting between her hands.

"I'm sure he's not mad at you," Octavia finally said. "He's just… confused."

"I'm confused."

She gave her a look. "I'd say." She blew out a breath of air. "Okay. Well… Shit, I don't know."

"Neither do I." Clarke pressed her fingers gently into her temples, massaging away the headache that was blossoming. "I just know I screwed up. I just totally bailed on him – on us."

"Run me through it one more time," the younger Blake asked.

Clarke was long past the point of awkwardness when discussing making out with her brother. The prospect of discussing that with his little sister never even phased her. "We were kissing and fell onto the floor. I… Well… I don't remember. Did he kiss me first? Damn it." She closed her eyes, trying to remember. "He kissed me. I kissed him. It was good – really good. And when we fell to the floor, it was like I remembered what was at stake. He asked me if these were practice kisses like the last time. I said yes and I left."

"Ouch."

"I know," she whimpered. "To make it even worse, he told me he hoped my answer would be no. He straight-up told me that he didn't want those to be only for practice. _And I didn't respond to him!_ All I did was go to sleep." She laughed dryly. "Like I actually got any sleep after that."

Octavia sucked in a painful breath. "Right. Okay." She rubbed her hands together. "When you say at stake, what do you mean?"

"I mean we're just friends. We've always just been friends." Clarke looked confused. Weren't all of the risks they were taking obvious to Octavia?

She cocked an eyebrow. "Monty and Harper were friends for years before they started dating, just like you two. That didn't stop them from _trying_ to date. Look at them now – they've been together for years."

Clarke relented, "okay, yeah, you're right." She rubbed her face. "But we're getting married tomorrow. That adds so much complexity to things."

"I'm pretty sure if both of you have fallen in love with each other, it would be classified as a _good thing_ before marriage. I don't see how that would complicate things, other than maybe you two figuring out your relationship while being married. It would just be like you skipped the front part of your relationship."

"Right. _So simple_ ," Clarke said dryly. She had to admit, Octavia did have a point. _They would figure it out together._ It would just be like diving right in instead of taking their time with their relationship and dating. "Well, we have Madi to think about. The adoption. That's too important to risk."

Octavia looked puzzled. "Wouldn't her two adoptive parents being in love be pretty cool? I mean, she would have a great life with the two of you either way, but… Seeing your parents in love is something different." Octavia shrugged. "I don't know. I just know that I never had that. Don't get me wrong, my life was pretty freaking great without that and I'm not saying I needed that as a kid – not at all. My mom was fantastic and Bellamy was all I needed in my life. We had so much love between the three of us. But, of course, I always wondered what my life would've been like if my dad stuck around. I wondered what it would've been like if my parents loved each other."

"It's different."

"I know. I'm sorry if I'm making it sound like my situation is similar to yours in anyway. I just meant that I don't think seeing parents in love would be viewed as a bad thing, you know? Especially with the two of you. You two are Bellamy and Clarke." _Like that explained anything._

"Well, what would happen if Bellamy and I didn't work out? We would be married. We would share a kid. It would get messy and complicated with a breakup."

Octavia laughed. "Messy and complicated with Bellamy? Clarke. You're acting like you don't even _know_ him."

She pulled a face. "What does that mean?"

"You know Bellamy better than that. You know your friendship better than that. You're not giving yourselves enough credit." Octavia sat down beside Clarke, a soft expression on her face. "Do you honestly see there ever being a problem between the two of you if things didn't work out romantically?"

"Well…" Clarke barely had to think about it. They had been friends for years. She doubted that their bond could ever break – especially from a relationship. _They could be stronger than that_. "No. Not really." She couldn't see a world where things would go so far south that their friendship would be ruined. Sure, things might be awkward and tense at first, but she doubted she would ever stop being friends with Bellamy.

"None of Bellamy's breakups are ever messy," Octavia pointed out. "And could you see there _actually_ being problems between the two of you regarding Madi?" Octavia didn't give Clarke time to answer. "I don't think so. You guys are _literally_ going into this marriage and this adoption as friends. You just told me that if things don't work out romantically for the both of you, you would still be friends. So… how would _only being friends_ negatively impact things?"

"Well… I mean… I don't know the future for certain. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe if something happens with Bellamy and I with a relationship and things don't work out, our friendship _would_ be impacted?"

"Clarke, I could say that about anything. How do you know something won't happen to your friendship _now_ – without even adding a romantic relationship? There's no way to tell. You just have to go with your gut. Do you think things would deteriorate so fast between the two of you that it would impact Madi?"

She didn't have to think about it. "No."

The answer was simple. _This was Bellamy she was talking about._ He sacrificed his whole childhood to raise Octavia. He was the guy who volunteered with children on the weekends to teach them how to read. This was the guy who had bonded with Madi without a question. He cared about children so much, and she had no doubts in her mind that he wouldn't put any kid through pain. He would never put Madi in a negative situation if something did happen between them.

Even if things _did_ go wrong with them, Bellamy wouldn't want it to touch Madi.

Clarke's head fell into her hands. It felt like the weight of the world crashed onto her shoulders. "Oh my gods. I screwed up."

Octavia kept talking. "I mean, I'm not super smart or anything, so I could be wrong, but… Maybe you're scared of something else? Logically, it doesn't make sense to be hung up on Bellamy and what would happen to Madi and being trapped in a marriage, because you know yourself and you know my brother."

"You think there's something else I'm scared of?" Clarke prompted. Octavia shrugged and stood up from the couch.

"Maybe it's the fact that you're falling in love with the man you're marrying," she pointed out.

Clarke swallowed thickly. "I'm not. We're friends." Octavia gave her a pointed look. "I don't love him."

"You do," Octavia supplied. "You two have been friends for years; you already love him in some way. Maybe this whole fake relationship thing was just the tiny push you needed to realized there should be something more?"

Clarke was silent for a long moment. "You think I'm developing feelings for Bellamy?"

Octavia snickered. "Clarke. You're way past that point."

"Wait, you-"

"Hey, princess. Octavia." Clarke jolted as Bellamy's voice drifted in to the living room. She spun around and seen he was slipping off his shoes in the doorway. _Gods_ she barely even heard him unlock the door.

"Bellamy. Hi," she stuttered. Her heart had suddenly dropped to her stomach. _Now was the time to talk to him. Now was her chance to make things right._

Gods, what could she even say to him? _I'm sorry? We shouldn't have done that? I shouldn't have run off?_

Octavia turned to Clarke, a thin smile on her face. "You good?"

 _No._

"Yes."

She tried to tune Octavia and Bellamy out as they had a brief discussion in the hallway. Clarke cupped her hands over her forehead and sucked in a few deep breaths. _Please. Sort out your thoughts._

What she told Octavia was true. She didn't want to hurt their friendship and she didn't want to jeopardize their family. Falling in love with him was too complicated.

She didn't want to risk hurting him. She didn't want to risk their family.

If she was being honest, she didn't want to risk anything. Things were good _now_ – did she really _want_ to jeopardize that? Even if those chances were small?

No.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Bellamy asked as soon as Octavia had closed the door behind her. Clarke shook her head no. "Oh, okay. Uh. Cool." She could hear him shifting awkwardly by the kitchen door, hovering.

"You can sit, if you want," she offered, turning back to face him. He had his hands buried deep in his pockets and his cheeks were puffed. He nodded stiffly and moved to sit on the couch.

It was familiar, but there was so much tension between the two of them. He was looking anywhere except at her. She was trying to sort out her thoughts. She felt like she could get sick, she was so nervous.

"I don't know what to say," Clarke admitted after a long moment. Bellamy's gaze met hers. "I… uh… I wanted to talk about yesterday."

Bellamy pressed his lips tightly together. "Don't worry about it. I got it. It was all just practice." She could feel his hurt. Her heart clenched painfully in response.

"It wasn't just practice to me," she said slowly, her eyes never leaving his. His eyes widened slightly as she spoke, showing his surprise. "I was kissing you to kiss you, Bellamy. I really freaking wanted to kiss you." She swallowed thickly. She was laying all of her emotions on the table now. _It was tough._ "Saying it was just for practice was an asshole move. I… I didn't mean it."

"But you said it."

"I only did because I'm terrified of what it means and confused." Clarke rubbed her palms against the tops of her jeans, wicking away the clamminess. "I like kissing you, Bellamy. I like kissing you when it's practice for the wedding. I like kissing you when it isn't practice for the wedding."

She was silent as she tried to collect her thoughts. Bellamy took it as a queue for him to speak. "I like kissing you too, Clarke. _A lot._ " She tried to ignore the way her heart skipped a beat at his words. "I mean, I'm scared too. Kissing you… _a relationship_ … It's taking a huge leap. It's terrifying."

"That's why I pulled away," Clarke said. "Because I'm scared. It's just… _so_ much is hanging in the balance right now."

"Yeah."

"And I don't know if it's the right choice to risk anything because I like kissing you." She swallowed. Gods, she hoped she was making things better and not worse in that moment. "Things could go _so wrong_ between us if things changed, and we have all of these plans; plans that rely on us being in a good place. What if that changes? What if we _aren't_ in a good place anymore?"

"Right."

"Not introducing that change brings a level of safety. It's not risking anything because we're sticking to our plan. Get married as friends. Adopt Madi as friends. Start a family _as friends._ Changing _our_ relationship could change all of that!"

"Sure."

Clarke rubbed her face. "I don't know what I think anymore." Her voice was muffled by her fingers. "I don't know, Bellamy."

He was silent. "I know."

"I think it's best if we kept things how they are. That was the deal. This is the safest bet. I… I don't want to risk our plans because I like kissing you or you like kissing me or whatever." The words felt heavy on her tongue. She felt like her heart was frozen. "If the circumstances were different… If it was a different time…" She wet her lips and tried to find the right words. "I want to focus on our family. I don't want to risk it."

Change was always terrifying, and a change in their relationship wasn't an exception. They were supposed to get married as friends; it was petrifying to think of them being anything more than that.

"If that's what you want, then that's what we will do," Bellamy said after a long moment. Clarke looked at him, her expression distraught. His face softened. "Hey. It's okay."

"No, it isn't. I screwed everything up. Things are so complicated."

"No. Really, Clarke. I'm pretty sure it takes two people to get into this position," he pointed out. " _Everything will be okay._ We'll just go with the plan. We're friends. We'll get married as friends."

She nodded her head stiffly. "Thank you," she said. He smiled softly at her in return.

 _If that's what she wanted, then why did she feel so disappointed?_

* * *

 **I hope Clarke's actions are understandable in this chapter. When I originally posted this on AO3, some people were a little confused over her motivations. I feel like I worded her motivations well in a response to a comment on AO3, so I will copy and paste what I had there.**

 _"I tried to base her off of the characterization in season 5, but with more clear romance for Bellamy. To me, that meant her_ wanting _to be with Bellamy and to be in love with him, but putting Madi as her priority. As we have seen in season 5, she continuously places the safety of Madi over everything else, including Bellamy."_

 **I hope that provides some clarification needed for those reading!**

 **Thank you all for the reviews! I adore reading them.**

 **The next chapters are the wedding! And did I mention it's a double post day! Yay!**


	11. Chapter 11: The Realization

**Finallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy the wedding!**

 **Warning: coarse language**

 **I hope you enjoy this chapter! It's been a long time coming haha.**

* * *

 **Chapter 11: The Realization**

* * *

 _June 20_

* * *

Clarke adjusted the straps of her white gown, frowning at her reflection in the mirror. Octavia was running around Monty and Jasper's house, perfecting the details of the day, leaving Clarke alone to get ready.

She usually wouldn't have minded getting ready alone, but the silence around her was crushing. Her thoughts felt like they were suffocating her. She was drowning in them.

Clarke found Raven and Harper in the kitchen. Harper was running around the house frantically, trying to organize things for the quickly approaching ceremony. Clearly, she had somehow roped Raven into helping her and the both of them were fixing the cushions on the couch. Clarke almost felt bad interrupting them.

"Hey," Clarke said, her voice unsure. Harper stopped immediately, her head swivelling to see Clarke. As soon as she did, her face broke out into a smile.

"You look so good!" she gasped. She dropped the pillow onto the couch and moved towards Clarke for a hug. As soon as she got closer, she realized her dress was not buttoned up. She cracked a silly smile. "A little underdressed, aren't we?"

Clarke couldn't help but smile at the warmth Harper exuded. She could light up a room without even trying. "Octavia is helping out back and I can't reach them," she explained.

"Is this you _finally_ caving to all of my demands to be a bridesmaid?" Raven joked, joining the two other women.

"You never asked to be a bridesmaid."

"Details, details." Raven walked around to the back of Clarke's dress, her eyes critical. "I think I should be able to do the buttons with my nails. I told Harper I shouldn't get stupid acrylics, but _no_ she insisted we go together." While Clarke couldn't see Raven's expression from behind her, she assumed it was not impressed if she had to go off Harper's meek response.

"Thank you."

Harper turned back to straightening the items on the table, muttering under her breath about how messy her boyfriend and his friend were. Raven worked as carefully as possible to button up her dress, but not even three buttons up, Octavia walked into the room, a frantic look in her eyes.

"You're kidding, Clarke. My brother could walk in at any second!" Raven's hands froze their movements.

"So?"

"It's a superstitious thing," Octavia said, waving her hand in the air to dismiss the idea. "I don't know. It'll be a bad marriage if he sees the bride in her dress before the wedding or something," she explained loftily.

Clarke snorted. "You're not actually telling me you believe in that crap?"

"Well, do _you_ want a bad marriage?" the younger Blake pressed, her tone playful. Even though she knew she was joking, Clarke felt her heart drop to her stomach.

Did she really need anything else contributing to the disaster of their relationship? Did she really need any more bad luck with adopting Madi?

"On second thought, I'll go with the superstition." It wasn't like she needed any more contributing to her life. "You're still needed out here?"

"Oh, shit. Right." Octavia sprung back into action, walking across to the kitchen. She disappeared through the open doorway. "Madi is here with someone from the adoption agency to supervise her. Did you have a specific spot you wanted them to sit?"

Just hearing Madi's name made a smile break out over Clarke's face. She was instantly reminded of _why_ they were getting married and why they were going through so much trouble. Anything that happened – the pain, the joy, and everything in between – was worth it because of that young girl.

Even the fear she felt in that moment was worth it. Clarke knew that the person from the agency would be watching the wedding too. Their wedding and relationship wouldn't be presented in only pictures to the agency anymore; they would be witnessing it first-hand during the ceremony. _It was terrifying._

It was now more important than ever that they didn't mess up. Out of all of the situations they had gone through, this one was the most important. They had to convince this worker that their relationship was real. _If they didn't, things wouldn't end the way they hoped._

"Preferably Madi can sit as close to the front as possible," she responded. Octavia nodded and twirled a bottle of water in her hands. "Is she excited?"

"Bouncing off the walls. She was excited to meet me, oddly enough," Octavia commented. "Anyways, I need to get back. I think Murphy is going to pass out if I don't bring him some water ASAP." Clarke didn't even want to know what happened to Murphy. Octavia turned to leave the kitchen. Just before she did, she turned to Raven. "Keep Clarke in the bedroom. Bellamy is going to be in the house soon." With that, Octavia disappeared from the house once again, leaving Clarke alone with Raven and Harper.

Clarke chewed her lips and turned her head towards Raven. "Do you mind helping me get ready? Octavia looks too busy."

"Of course." Raven gave Clarke a tiny push in the direction of the bedroom she had claimed, letting her know that she was free to start moving.

"I would help, but I have a feeling I'll be stuck fixing the mess Monty made this morning," Harper said, her nose wrinkled. Her face softened after a moment. "I'll see you out there, Clarke."

She felt queasy. This was the last time she would see her before the wedding and somehow that was starting to mean a lot to her. She was never one to be sentimental, but being dressed in a white gown and knowing she would be saying vows to someone she loved changed things.

"See you."

Raven followed behind Clarke as they made their way to the spare bedroom. Even before they had left the hallway, Raven was speaking.

"How are you doing?" she asked. "I mean… _wow._ Today is your wedding."

Clarke's mouth felt dry. It sure didn't _feel_ like it was her wedding. Was this real? Was she actually getting married today?

"I know," she said, her voice weary. "It doesn't feel real."

"Do you need anything? I can send someone to McDonalds or something, I don't know. Wells is still making his way here. Want me to text him?" Clarke snorted.

"No, I'll pass." She grimaced. "I don't know if I can eat food today anyways."

"Hm. Well… I'm going to get him to pick me something up and I'll just tell him it's for you." Clarke could see Raven's coy expression in the mirror as they entered the room. As she typed away, she closed the door and flicked on the light.

Clarke wondered further into the room, sitting down on the bed. She glanced down at her wedding dress and felt torn between being terrified and being elated.

 _This would be so much easier if they didn't kiss._ Why did they need to practice kissing for the ceremony anyways? It would have been great if they never kissed in the first place! Her mind wouldn't be so confused and her heart wouldn't be in so much pain.

That dumb kiss. _That dumb, beautiful, toe-curling kiss._

Well, _multiple_ kisses, but that was beside the point.

To distract herself, Clarke began playing with the fabric of her skirt. The dress she managed to find was simple and she was so thankful for that. She didn't know how it was possible, but Octavia managed to find her a dress that was in her size, on sale, was buy off the rack, and was something that she didn't entirely hate.

The sleeves ran down to her mid-forearm and the workers described the neckline as being boat neck (whatever that meant). Regardless of the name, the neckline swooped widely enough to expose parts of her shoulder and her collarbones. She was thankful it was in the peak of summer, or she knew she would be freezing during their outdoor ceremony.

The white material was clinched at her waist and the skirt flowed out from there. She knew she should've probably got it hemmed, but she honestly didn't have time.

"I need to pin up the hem," she muttered to herself, standing up from the bed once again. Raven set down her phone and examined Clarke with a critical eye. "If you don't want to get down, I can do it. I'll just need help marking it."

"You're kidding, right?" Raven asked, her eyebrow lifted. "I'm _always_ on my knees." Before Clarke could even comment on the innuendo, she lifted her hand. " _For work,_ you weirdo," she commented, a smirk on her face. Clarke knew in that instant that she had made the joke on purpose, trying to diffusion the obvious tension Clarke was carrying.

"Thanks." Clarke pulled out a tin of safety pins from her purse and handed them over to Raven. "It doesn't need to be perfect. I just don't want to fall on my ass while walking down the aisle."

"Damn, I wanna see that," Raven teased. She dropped to her knees and began to work on the hem of her skirt. Clarke watched as her friend pinned the fabric up, feeling more emotional than she thought was necessary.

"I really appreciate this," she told her, her voice thick with emotion. Raven glanced up, a safety pin between her teeth. She was clearly caught off guard from Clarke's tone of voice. "I mean… You're just a guest. Octavia really should be in here."

"You're one of my best friends. I really love helping out," she reassured her. "Plus, I'm basically a bridesmaid without the title, right? I've helped organize things, I helped bake the cake, and now I'm here helping you get ready." She sent her a wink and turned back to the skirt. "I heard Bellamy asking Murphy to be his best man. I'm assuming he doesn't have any other… uh… grooms dudes up there with him?"

Clarke cracked a smile at Raven, already feeling lighter just by being around her. She always managed to brighten a room without really trying.

"No, just Murphy. Gods, I can't believe Murphy agreed to actually do it."

"Bellamy told him that he would get free food after and he was sold."

Clarke snorted. " _Everyone_ gets free food after. Bellamy made sure of that – he's insisting that our wedding is just the cover for the best party of his life, or something."

"Don't tell Murphy the thing about food. There's still time for him to quit." Raven inched her way towards the back of Clarke, still working on her skirt. After a few minutes in silence, she spoke again. "I honestly can't believe you're getting married. I mean… Wow."

"I know."

"And to Bellamy."

"I know."

Raven glanced up at Clarke, a soft smile on her face. "I know I was a little hesitant when you guys told me, but I'm really happy for the both of you. You know that, right?" Clarke nodded. "I mean… You guys are so good together. You've been beside him for years, even if you guys weren't technically dating."

"We've been through so much together," Clarke agreed. She felt distant from herself as she spoke. It was an odd feeling; it was like she was sucked into her thoughts. "He's always been there for me as a friend. Whenever I needed someone to talk to, I knew he was there. If I needed someone to help me through a tough spot, I knew I could turn to him. If I needed someone to pick me up from wherever at whatever time of night, he was always willing."

Raven let out a tiny laugh. "Remember when you were staying over at my place so we could work on that one project the night right before it was due? And remember how my printer ran completely out of ink?"

"We were both freaking out," Clarke recalled. It was true. Considering their assignments were due first thing in the morning – before any stores would be open to buy more ink for the printer – it was a disaster. That assignment was at least 25% of their final grade.

"And Bellamy drove across the city at 4AM with our assignments. He printed them for us at your place and _drove them_ to us before the sun was even up."

Clarke felt herself smile softly. She always forgot about that.

"And what about that time you were basically in so much pain from a migraine that you couldn't move?"

"He brought me Advil," she recalled. "He went to the store because we were all out and bought Advil, Gatorade, and an ice pack." _He was a good man._

" _And don't forget,_ he also spent hours massaging your neck and back to try and help relieve the pain," Raven reminded her. Clarke shifted uneasily. She _had_ forgotten about that part.

She had forgotten a lot of Bellamy things over the years, so it seemed. It wasn't because she didn't value what he did for her. _No, it was the complete opposite._ He just did _so much_ to help her over the years that it was nearly impossible to remember all of it.

Just thinking about it, she could remember so much more from their time together.

The time he filled their apartment floor with balloons to celebrate her birthday.

The time they spent the day before Christmas together on the couch watching horror movies. That was their first year without his mom and her dad, and they both found comfort in each other then.

 _She had been beside him as well during rough moments in life._ That was what they did for each other; they were always there.

She remembered refusing to let him get up from the couch when he broke his leg in a skiing accident, insisting that she could do his tasks around the house.

When Octavia wasn't answering his texts after an unusual and worrying amount of time, she sat beside him as he drove across the city to make sure she was okay.

 _And they shared so many other times together – ones that weren't nearly as heavy and serious as those._

Baking cookies together, accidentally falling in the shower when they were attempting to clean the shower curtain, kicking his ass at Mario Kart, getting her ass kicked at Legend of Zelda, and going to countless family events _just because_ came to mind.

"You two are good for each other," Raven said, standing up, finally finished pinning Clarke's hem. "I know you, Clarke, and I know you're probably freaking out right now because this was definitely not part of your life-plan. But I know you enough to know you're sure about this. I know you enough to know that you love him and you've loved him for a while now."

Clarke wrung her hands together. "How long?"

"Do I think you have been in love with him?" Raven took a step back and puffed out her cheeks. "I honestly don't know. It wasn't like I was with Wells – where we seen each other for the first time and knew we wanted to be together. It was gradual, like Monty and Harper, you know?"

"Right."

"I remember when we were all out camping one time," Raven said after a moment. "It was last summer. The rest of us had fallen asleep, but the two of you stayed up _so freaking late_ looking at the stars and just talking. I could see the way he looked at you then – like you were more beautiful than the stars. I could see the way you looked at him, like he was everything to you. It was a rare moment for me to catch – just seeing the two of you alone, without anyone else around. It was just the two of you." She shrugged. "I guess that's when I knew for sure that you two meant more to each other than you let on."

Clarke swallowed thickly. _That was last year._ One full year ago, Raven claimed that she had already fallen in love with Bellamy.

 _Clarke remembered the night she described._ She remembered thinking just how lucky she was to have Bellamy in her life. She remembered thinking that she wanted him to be part of her life for years to come. She remembered thinking just how lucky she was to share parts of her life with him.

They were interrupted by a brief knock on the door. Raven moved to answer it as Clarke began to mindlessly braid her hair.

"Wow. You look beautiful." Wells moved into the room, a bag of fast food in his hands. "I brought you something to eat, Clarke. Nice choice on your wedding day," he teased.

"Thanks, babe, but it's actually for me." Raven swooped in, grabbing the bag and pressing a chaste kiss to Wells' lips. He smirked at her.

"Could've called that one. It was your usual." As Raven moved to sit on the bed to eat, Wells walked over to Clarke, a soft smile on his face. "How are you doing?"

"Great." She hoped he couldn't tell she was lying. _She was far from great._ She felt like she was going to get sick. Just talking about Bellamy had made her head start to spin.

"Bellamy gave me this when he seen me come in," Wells said, holding up a folded piece of paper. "He told me to tell you that he's here, he has his suit, and Murphy hasn't lost your rings yet."

Clarke sucked in a painful breath between her teeth and blinked back the tears that appeared in her eyes. _Gods, everything hurt._

He was thinking of her too. Gods, even when their relationship was gone up in flames, he was thinking of her and trying to reassure her. Even though they couldn't see each other today, he still managed to find a way to talk to her.

Clarke took the piece of paper from Wells, forcing the lump in her throat back.

"Thank you," she told him. "I… It means a lot. I just wish I could see him before all of this. It's hard not being able to talk to him."

He shifted awkwardly, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Gotcha," he said. "Well… I can bring him a letter from you, if you wanted?" He met her stare. "Would that help?"

Without thinking, Clarke threw her arms around Wells' shoulders, pulling him in for a tight hug. While they had drifted apart over the years, he still was one of her best friends, and his attempts at calming her down were exactly what she needed.

"I would love that. I just need a pen and paper."

Wells pulled back from the hug, and was already moving towards the door. "I'll go find some." He smiled at his girlfriend. "Be right back."

Once again, Clarke was left alone with Raven. She wasn't watching her every move, which she was grateful for. At the moment, she knew she couldn't keep her composure. She felt like she could get sick from holding the letter from Bellamy in her hands.

She needed a minute. She couldn't have Raven examining her every move, wondering what was wrong.

Clarke ran her fingers over the letter. _What did it say? What did he feel was so important to say before they got married?_

Clarke's mind was alive with worries and possibilities. She knew it shouldn't have been terrible or anything to fear, since he did pass on words of encouragement and reassurances verbally through Wells, so the letter shouldn't stray too far from that.

 _Or at least she hoped._

Clarke didn't want to waste anymore time. She flipped the white piece of paper around in her hands, her make-up that still needed to be done completely forgotten. All she wanted in that moment was to feel connected to Bellamy and to talk to him – the letter was the closest she could get.

She smiled instantly when she seen Bellamy's loopy hand writing. Scrawled across the front of the folded piece of paper was simply her name. _Clarke._

With trembling hands, Clarke flipped open the note. She sat down in her seat again, suddenly feeling too shaky to stand.

 _Clarke,_

 _I know we aren't supposed to see each other today, but I still needed to talk to you before I see you out there._

 _I know our last couple of days have been rough. I know we're not exactly in the place we wanted to be right now. I know all of this, and I just wanted to make sure you knew where I stood before we get married._

 _I've loved you for as long as we've been friends. You've been my best friend for years and I'll always consider meeting you one of the best pieces of luck I've had in my life. You've been there for me during the best times in my life and also the worst. In nearly every special memory I have over the last few years, you're in it._

 _Over the last two weeks, I realized something._

 _I'm in love with you, Clarke Griffin._

 _I'm in love with you and I think I have been for years. I'm in love with everything about you; you're brilliant and talented and the most compassionate person I know. You always seem to be able to brighten the days of everyone who is around you, including me. I love you for your passion and your heart and your strength._

 _But I love you for more than that, too. I don't just love the bright things about you – I love your faults and your mistakes as well. I love you for who you are completely, not just for a few select traits. I love all of you; every inch and every corner of your mind._

 _I know this isn't part of our plan. I know this wasn't supposed to happen._ I know _. But I would never regret loving you and I would never apologize for it._

 _I will apologize for making things complicated over the last week, though. The deal we had was to get married as friends. I know you didn't sign up for anything more._

 _I respect that, Clarke. I know our deal was to do this as friends and I just wanted to let you know that that is all it will be. We will just be friends, like we agreed on. I don't expect you to suddenly decide to want anything more just because of anything I've said here. I don't expect you to be in love with me just because we're married._

 _I promise you that I won't let my feelings get in the way of our deal. I promise that nothing will change just because of how I feel. It won't because I won't let it. For your sake and for Madi's._

 _I still want to go through with this marriage if you are. I still want to do this as we always do thing; together._

 _I won't let how I feel ruin what we've built or what we plan to build. I'm terrified this will impact us – our friendship – but I'm trusting that we're stronger than that. And I know you deserve to know the truth before we go through with anything._

 _I won't let how I feel get in-between us and our friendship. I won't let it get in-between us and adopting Madi, or taking care of her when the time comes. I'll be a good friend, a good husband, and a good father, Clarke. Nothing has changed with that._

 _I hope you aren't entirely put off by this. I just needed you to know the truth._

 _I'll see you out there._

Clarke folded the note, feeling completely numb. So many thoughts were running through her head at once, threatening to suffocate her. It felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders.

 _Yet she felt so light._

He loved her. _No._ He had made the distinction pretty clear. _He was in love with her._

Clarke swallowed a lump in her throat and clutched the note tightly in her hand, wrinkling the pages. Too many thoughts were in her mind at once to make sense of them. Too many emotions were running through her.

Most of all, she felt undeniable joy. _So much joy._ Because he loved her and he understood her.

She reread his letter again quickly, feeling herself slipping further and further.

 _He understood._

Every one of her concerns was one of his. She had been terrified that he didn't feel the same way about her, and he felt the exact same way. She had been so worried that falling for him would impact their relationship and their plans. _He was worried about that too._ She had been so worried that anything more than friendship would impact their family, but he was already addressing those issues.

The fact that he was so worried about _him_ messing up their future from his feelings – the exact thing Clarke had been worried about for herself – just told her that her fears were completely unjust.

In this letter, without knowing the extent of her feelings for him, he promised not to let whatever he felt get involved with their plans or their marriage or the adoptions. He promised that he would take care of Madi, no matter how he felt. He promised to be there for their family, despite thinking he was the only one in this situation.

The fact that he even _thought_ of those possibilities and was worried about them told her that she was wrong to worry. The fact that he was worried about the same things she was worried about – messing up their family – just told her that her fears wouldn't come true.

 _That made her feel even worse._

Clarke felt sick.

"Are you okay?" Raven asked after a moment, glancing at Clarke with her eyes narrowed. "You're really pale."

Clarke stood up and stumbled a few steps towards the door, her heart racing. She stopped, turned, and began pacing. Her hand was pressed tightly against her chest.

Finally, she turned to Raven, her eyes wide and her chest heaving. "No. I fucked up."

"Whoa. What?" Raven jumped up from her bed, moving to stand beside Clarke. She reached for her shoulder and glanced into her eyes. "What's wrong? What happened?" She shook her head and tried to force herself to stay calm. It wasn't working very well. "What did Bellamy do? Did he say something?" she asked, eying the letter in Clarke's hand suspiciously.

Finally, Clarke turned to her, her throat feeling tight. "He's in love with me." The words tumbled out of her mouth without much thought.

Raven cocked her head to the side and furrowed her eyebrows. "Uhm. Yes. I'm aware. This _is_ your wedding, after all."

She shook her head, her heart feeling like it was falling to her stomach. She physically felt pain running down her arms. _Oh, gods._

"And I'm in love with him, too."

Clarke's frantic eyes met Raven's confused ones. Saying it out loud felt momentous. Just saying it out loud felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders.

She let out a small breathless laugh.

She loved him.

 _With those words, the world made sense._

Oh, gods, she loved Bellamy Blake with everything in her. She didn't know when she started to, but somehow her feelings towards him had shifted. It had happened so slowly over time that she hadn't even realized it.

Sure, she _felt_ like she was falling for him, but she never allowed herself to get there. She was too scared of the possibilities – she was too scared of what might go wrong.

 _But now she knew for sure._ She knew for sure that Bellamy owned her heart. She knew for sure that she was in love with him.

It was like he said; she loved him _for_ him, mistakes and flaws included. She loved him for every aspect of his personality, and she accepted him fully for who he was.

"I am in love with him and I fucked it up." Clarke's heart once again plummeted with that realization. That brief moment of pure bliss that came with her realization shattered. She bit her lip and began pacing again, leaving Raven standing in the middle of the room. "I'm so stupid. Holy shit."

"Slow down," Raven insisted, walking in line with Clarke. "What happened? What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "No. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

Despite every logical thought in her head _screaming_ at her not to, Clarke turned to her, her lips pursed.

 _Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it._

"I'm in love with him and I never told him. I…" Clarke swore at herself. _This was not going to end well._ "Raven, I'm sorry about this. This whole time, we've been pretending. I just… Shit." Clarke tugged on the loose piece of her hair. She didn't know when that came loose from her braid, but she didn't care in that moment. "I wanted to tell you, I did. But… I couldn't. It wasn't the right thing to do. It was too risky."

She held up her hand, her eyes now frantic. Raven looked terrified, actually. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. _What the hell did you just say, Griffin?_ "

She didn't know when she started crying, but she couldn't stop the tears from falling anymore. Clarke reached out for Raven, desperate for comfort. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm so sorry."

"No," she said, pulling Clarke into a tight hug. "No, I'm not mad. I'm just confused."

"We both decided we should get married even though we weren't in love with each other," she explained. "I wasn't allowed to adopt Madi because I didn't have a steady income and I was away from home too much. Bellamy and Echo had broken up because they were indifferent about having children. _He really wants a family._ And when he heard about me and Madi he suggested that we should get married and adopt her together."

Raven snorted. "A two birds with one stone solution. Smart."

"But… that was just it. We weren't supposed to be in love. We were never in love. We just… decided that we should be married. We were supposed to be friends. _We were supposed to stay friends._ " Clarke took a deep breath and turned to Raven again. "I'm so sorry I never told you. I… We couldn't. We didn't tell anyone except Octavia. We knew that if certain people found out, we wouldn't be able to adopt Madi and this would all be for nothing."

Raven pulled Clarke in for another hug. Clarke buried her nose into the top of Raven's shoulder, savoring the feeling of security and safety that came with a human embrace.

"I understand," she said, her voice soothing. "I get it. It was for Madi. I know."

"Thank you." Clarke squeezed her eyes shut.

Raven pulled back, a soft smile on her face. "So, that's the problem then? How did you screw up? Is it because you're in love with him even though you both were supposed to get married as friends?"

"No. Well… Yes, that's true, but that's not the problem." Clarke rubbed her forehead. Her brain hurt. Not only did she barely get a second of sleep the previous night, but the morning had been filled with so many different stresses and tensions. "Just the other day, when we were kissing, I told him that I only wanted it to be practice for the wedding. I basically told him that nothing was real – that everything was pretend."

"…But it wasn't?"

"It wasn't," she confirmed. "But now he thinks that he's screwing things up by being in love with me. I just… I don't know what to do, Raven." Clarke groaned. "He wrote me this letter, promising that he won't let his feelings get in the way, and assuring me this marriage could still work. I just… I feel terrible. I don't know what to do."

"Well, what's the problem?" Raven prompted.

"I don't want to hurt him," she whispered. "I don't know if I can go out there and face him and read vows to him, all the while _knowing_ he thinks that I'm only pretending. I don't want to get married to him with him thinking he's alone in this. I don't want to speak about how much I love him and know he doesn't think it's real. _Because it's real._ Fuck. It's real. I really love him." Clarke's words froze in her mouth and she looked up at Raven, her eyes wide. "I need to see him. Before the wedding."

"Errrr, I don't think that's allowed. Octavia said-" Clarke jumped as Wells' voice drifted in from the partially opened door.

"I found a pen and paper though, so- oh shit. What's wrong?" At seeing Clarke's tear stained face, he was moving into the room, his face serious. The pen and paper were quickly discarded onto a chair, quickly forgotten.

"Nothing," she said. Obviously it was not a convincing answer, because Wells still looked concerned. He was examining her tear-covered face. "I'm serious, Wells. I'm fine. I'm just… I need to see Bellamy."

"Are you calling the wedding off?" Wells was already jumping to the worst conclusions. _Typical._ She loved him and because of that, she knew this was to be expected. "Shit. Okay, that's totally fine. We can handle it. I can-"

"No, Wells," Raven told him, her voice sharper than usual. Wells instantly clamped his mouth shut. "Clarke, I thought you didn't want to see him before the wedding? Bad luck or whatever?"

Part of Clarke wanted to say screw it. It was just a dumb superstition anyways, what did it really matter?

The other part of her told her not to push her luck – her relationship with Bellamy was complicated enough, she didn't need to add the complications of supernatural events happening. Any _more_ bad luck in her life was probably a bad idea.

"I brought paper," Wells said again, his voice hopeful. Clarke shook her head.

"No. This is something I need to do. Face-to-face." She sent Wells a thankful smile. "Thank you, though." She turned to Raven, her eyes pleading. "I need to talk to him. I just can't _see_ him before the wedding."

"You need to talk to him without seeing him?" Raven confirmed. Clarke nodded and Raven blew out a breath. "Okay… Well…" Her face lit up. "I got it. Just wait here. I'll go get Bellamy." Without waiting for Clarke's response, Raven was already moving towards the door. Before she left, she turned back to her again. "You're sure about this?"

"Absolutely. I need this."

Clarke had never been so sure of an answer in her life. _She was in love with him. She needed to tell him._ She couldn't go through with this wedding if she couldn't tell him and talk to him beforehand.

Just like he said that she deserved to know the truth, he deserved the same.

 _He deserved the truth. He deserved to know._ She wanted him to know.

 _No._ She needed him to.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" Wells asked as soon as Raven left the room. "I mean, nothing bad happened, right? Nothing's wrong?"

"It's okay," she promised him. She was touched that he cared so much, actually. While she didn't think he didn't care about her, things had been distant between them for a while. It was nice to know that their friendship never really had to change.

"You were crying," he pointed out. "Are you sure he didn't say something to you? Are you sure that things are okay?"

Clarke glanced at him, a weary smile on her face. "They _will_ be okay, if I can talk to him." She turned back to the door and wrung her hands together. "What is Raven doing? Do you know?"

"No clue," he said. "I was going to suggest blindfolds, but that seemed a little too _Bird Box_ to be romantic." Clarke snorted and rolled her eyes. Somehow, his lame humour (if she could even call it that) was lightening the tension in the room.

Not even a minute later, Raven slipped through the open crack of the door, a sheepish smile on her face. Just seeing her sent Clarke's heart skyrocketing. Her mouth ran dry and her hands got clammy.

"He's here," Raven promised her, her expression giddy. "He knows not to look. I didn't say anything else, except for that you wanted to talk to him before the ceremony."

Clarke nodded. She couldn't find the words to speak. "How?" she managed to ask.

"You two will be on adjacent walls of a corner," she explained. "You can hear him and he can hear you, but you won't be able to see each other. Does that make sense?"

"No," she answered. "I don't get it."

Raven put the fingertips of both of her hands together, making a perpendicular corner. She lifted one thumb. "This will be Bellamy." She lifted the thumb on her opposite hand. "This is you, Clarke. See? You two are on two walls that are connected, but since you're face different directions and are separated by the corner, you guys can't see each other."

She nodded slowly. "Yeah… That'll work." She sent Raven a small smile. "Thank you."

"Don't worry about it," she said, waving her hand and dismissing the thought. "Now, come here. I'll bring you to him and I'll leave you guys to talk."

Clarke couldn't describe herself in that moment. She barely remembered Raven gently leading her down the hallway, towards the closest corner in the house. All she could remember was how fast her heart was beating. Her mouth had gone completely dry in that moment. Her head spun.

 _She couldn't tell if it was from nerves or excitement._

Somehow, the prospect of telling Bellamy exactly how she felt terrified her. Logically, it didn't make sense. She knew he loved her from the letter. They were about to get married and adopt a child together. They had known each other for _years._

Why was she so nervous?

Maybe it was due to the fact that they had been friends for years, they were about to get married, and they were planning to adopt a child together. _That complicated things._ She was too scared to mess it up.

 _We won't,_ she told herself. She thought back to Bellamy's letter. She thought back to how sure he was about not letting any of their drama touch Madi or their family. He had the same worries as her, and that told her all she needed to know. _This wasn't going to mess anything up._

Raven led Clarke to the end of the hallway, mere feet before it turned left. She knew that Bellamy would be standing just around the corner. He was mere feet from her, yet he felt so far away.

She held her breath and glanced in the general direction of the corner. He was so silent that she wondered if he was even there.

Raven took a step away from Clarke, glancing around the corner. Clarke examined her facial expression critically, waiting to see any hints in her eyes.

"Good." She nodded. "You both just stand right where you are and you won't be able to see each other." Raven turned back to Clarke, her expression soft. "I don't think anyone should be coming to this part of the house, but I'll be at the other end of the hallway to stop any lost souls." She nodded. "Alright then. You two kids have fun."

With one last wink at Clarke and a smirk at Bellamy, Raven turned and retreated in the direction that Clarke had come from.

The hallway fell into complete silence. If Clarke listened closely, she could hear Bellamy's gentle breathing from just around the corner. She longed to be beside him, to look into his eyes, to melt into his arms.

She didn't know if she really _believed_ the whole superstitious thing, but, at that point of her life, _why the hell would she risk it?_

It was almost like, during her exam week, if she seen anything relatively superstitious, she would do it. She would avoid stepping on cracks in a sidewalk, she retweeted stupid tweets threatening bad luck, she held her breath as she drove under overpasses.

Except, this time, it wasn't just to prevent failing a class. It was to prevent bad luck from impacting their relationship anymore.

 _She wouldn't risk their family anymore than she needed to._

So, while she thought might've been a load of crap, she was more than happy to oblige.

"Bellamy?" Clarke questioned, her voice hesitant.

It only took him a second to respond. "I'm here." He was confused and worried, she could hear it in his voice. She had known him long enough to _know_ his tones of voice and what they meant.

In that moment, she realized that he had no clue why she asked to talk to him in person. All he knew was that _he_ admitted that he was in love with her. All he knew was that he offered her an out with the marriage because of how complicated things were. _He had no idea what she was going to talk about._

Clarke instantly knew she had to start talking. For all he knew, she was wanting to talk to him to call off the wedding or to tell him that she wanted distance from him because of how he felt. _He must've been thinking himself in circles._ She knew she would've been if their positions were switched.

"I got your letter," she started off saying. "And I read it. I read it twice, actually." She closed her eyes and rested her head against the wall. She took a moment to compose her thoughts and she searched for the sound of his steady breathing to calm herself.

She heard it and smiled. _He was there._

"I was talking with Raven earlier," she said, changing the subject slightly. "And we were talking about us. And about you. About how you've _always_ been there for me over these last few years. How you're my best friend. How you've always stood by my side, no matter what, and how I would do the same to you.

"Bellamy, I'm so lucky to have you in my life. _I'm so fucking thankful for you._ And I love you, Bellamy. I love you so much for everything you are.

" _And I'm in love with you._ I don't know when it happened. It's happened so slowly overtime that I've been completely oblivious to it. And when it was staring me straight in the face, I was too scared to admit anything.

"I don't want to lose you. I don't want to hurt our friendship because it's something that is so special to me, and it has been special to me for so many years. I don't want to risk our future with Madi. _I don't, I really don't._ I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to risk her. I didn't want to risk our family and our future. So I didn't say anything. I kept quiet. I thought it would be easy.

"But it's not. Loving you is the best choice I made because you bring _so much_ to my life. Being in love with you is absolutely breathtaking. It's just… right. I know, deep down, that it's right. There isn't a logical explanation. There wasn't a specific moment where I knew. _But I know now._ I think of you, and I feel like I could either explode or melt or both at the same time. I think of you and I'm reminded of home.

"I know you see my worries and share my fears about this too. But I know that even if things won't work out with us, we will always be a family and I will always care about you. We've been through hell and back with each other already. I don't want to pretend that I don't love you. I don't want to pretend that those kisses meant nothing to me. I don't want to pretend that nothing has been real.

"I just know. I'm in love with you, Bellamy. I've been in love with you for so long. And _I_ needed you to know the truth. I needed to tell you this before we're married. Because, when we're up there, _I want_ those vows to be real. _I want to marry you to marry you, Bellamy._ Because I love you."

She clamped her mouth shut, her chest heaving. Bellamy had remained completely silent for the whole time she spoke and he still hadn't spoken a word. Her heart was racing faster than she had ever felt it. She was so nervous about what his reaction was going to be.

Still, despite the nerves, she couldn't keep the wide smile off of her face. As soon as she had finished speaking, a wave of relief hit her. It felt so good to confess her feelings. It felt so good to put it into the world for him to hear.

 _There._ It was out there. She had fallen in love with him.

She could hear him chuckle softly, making her heart skip a beat. "I think we're leaving these confessions until the last second don't you? I mean, we _are_ getting married in a few minutes," he pointed out, his voice thick with emotion. Clarke let out a watery laugh and pressed her hand to her mouth, suppressing anymore unexpected noises.

 _She felt like she could soar, she loved him so much._

"I love you, Clarke. _And I want to marry you, too._ For real. For all of the right reasons. I know we're both terrified of messing things up, but you're my future, Clarke. You're my family."

"You're my future, too, Bell." Clarke wanted nothing more than to be in his arms in that moment.

"So we're doing this?" he clarified. "For real? We're getting married for real?"

Clarke didn't hesitate. "Yes." She nodded her head vigorously. "Yes. Let's do it."

"I didn't know you were one for spontaneity," he teased. She rolled her eyes, a wide smile on her face.

"You're right. Being spontaneous was what got me into this situation." Her voice softened. "But I wouldn't want it any other way, now. I want this if you do."

"I do."

Bellamy's hand appeared from around the corner, his fingers stretched outwards. Clarke's heart skipped a beat and she reached for his hand. She relished in the feeling of having physical contact with him. Even though it was just his hand, it was better than nothing.

 _All she wanted was to be in his arms, but this would do._

"Now I regret not getting down on one knee to propose," he teased. Clarke squeezed his hand.

"I don't. You tossing me the box with the ring was _very_ romantic."

Bellamy snorted. "Listen, Clarke, I-"

 _"_ _There you are!_ " Clarke could hear Octavia's voice from around the corner, where she must've bumped into Bellamy. "What are you doing? Whose hand is that?"

"Hi, O," Clarke said, still not releasing her hold on her fiancé. _Her real fiancé._

Even though they had _always_ been getting married, it felt even more real now. _She was actually getting married to the man she loved._

"Clarke!?" Octavia's head popped in from around the corner. "I thought you guys decided you didn't want to see each other before the wedding?"

"I haven't seen her," he promised. "We just needed to talk."

Octavia glanced back at Clarke, suspicion in her eyes. "Is everything okay? Why does Clarke look like she's crying?"

"You're crying?" Bellamy asked, his thumb brushing across the top of Clarke's hand. She let out a wet laugh.

"I've been crying all morning. I'm a freaking mess." At Octavia's even more worried expression, she smiled. "These are good tears, O. I'm happy."

She raised her eyebrow. "Oh?" She glanced at Bellamy. "You two worked things out then? You're both okay You're still getting married?"

" _About that._ " Bellamy ran his thumb along Clarke's hand again, eliciting a smile from her lips. "There's been a change of plans."

* * *

 **The next chapter is (hopefully) the last regular chapter! Chapter 13 should be the epilogue, but we'll see if I decide to stretch things out now that I'm not rushing to finish publishing by December 31st haha!**

 **I hope you enjoyed these two finally realizing they're in love! It's been too long!**

 **It's actually pretty funny! This is only my one out of two current WIPs for Bellarke and (spoiler) both of them had similar themes. It made for one interesting day of editing! They were all blending together because they were so similar haha.**

 **Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Once again, thank you for all of the wonderful comments. You all make my day.**

 **I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe NYE! Happy 2019!**

 **The next update should be soon... Hopefully...**


	12. Chapter 12: The Promises

**Honestly, I don't even know where to start.**

 **Clearly, it has to be an apology because this is most definitely not January 2nd like promised. I usually like explaining what the heck happened because… the wait for this chapter was ridiculous… but I don't even have an explanation! I just hit a wall and nothing was coming to me. I've done almost no writing this month and I am chalking it up to the fact I wrote over 100k words of fic last month. Plus, I couldn't get this chapter right. I have four different drafts typed because nothing seemed right, and I felt like I really wanted to get this right (it's basically the climax of this fic, SOOOOO).**

 **Anyways. I'm sorry for such a long wait. I've pre-wrote the remainder of the fic and it'll all be posted now!**

 **A huge shout out to eyessharpweaponshot on Tumblr for letting me ramble about this fic and my struggles. Without your constant support and encouragement, this fic would've been a mess haha.**

 **I hope everyone enjoys this chapter!**

* * *

 **Chapter 12: The Promises**

* * *

"That was an unexpected twist," Raven commented, a bobby pin hanging from her mouth as she worked on securing the last few strands of Clarke's hair. Clarke had just finished recapping her conversation with Bellamy to her as they worked against the clock. It was less than an hour away from the ceremony.

Clarke glanced at her friend in the mirror, a wave of gratitude and love overwhelming her. _Raven was a good friend._ Not only did she help her all morning to get ready, and not only did she help organize her conversation with Bellamy, but she also was the one of least judgemental people she had met. It amazed Clarke that Raven had taken everything in stride that day – from it being revealed that Clarke and Bellamy were lying and faking their relationship, to helping her work through her _actual_ feelings of the day, Raven had been right beside her.

Raven always had a kind heart and was one of the most understanding people she knew, so she didn't know why she was even surprised by her actions. Still, she had never been more grateful for her friend in that moment.

"Actually, no, it wasn't," she continued speaking, continuing her earlier thought. "You two have been into each other for years now. I'm not surprised at all." She snorted, a coy expression on her face. "Actually, I'm more surprised by how _you_ handled the situation. Like… I'm just wondering how you could be so oblivious to everything?"

"Don't start," she muttered, a strange heaviness in her heart. She hated that she hurt Bellamy only a few days earlier, even if everything was worked out now. Less than 24 hours go, she was terrified by everything; terrified of running her family, terrified of hurting Bellamy, terrified of damaging their friendship. "I was confused. It was all very confusing." Her mouth was dry just thinking about it.

"I know, I'm just teasing." Raven pinned the last bobby pin into her hair and stepped backwards, admiring her work. She chewed on her lips absentmindedly as she did. "Plus, you had Madi to think about." The reflection of their eyes locked in the mirror. Once again, Clarke felt beyond thankful for her understanding. She knew Bellamy understood, but somehow, she felt a weight lift off her by Raven also understanding. "I get it. It's just funny how _you two_ were the only ones who didn't see this coming." Her tone was teasing and light.

Clarke cracked a smile. "This is my wedding day," she said, her voice joking. "Be nice."

There was a knock on the door, interrupting their conversation. Before either of them could move to answer it, the door was pushed open by an inch.

"Honey? Can I come in?" That was her mother. Just the sound of her voice sent both a chill and a wave of love through her body. While she had been accepting and understanding about everything a week ago, when she and Bellamy went for brunch, she couldn't forget the cold feelings the two of them shared. One good day didn't erase all those tense months.

"Come in," she responded, forcing a smile onto her lips. It was easier than she thought it was going to be. She assumed it was because she was in beyond a good mood – not even Abby could ruin it.

She was getting married to her best friend in only a few minutes. They had just admitted their feelings for each other. They were working towards starting a family together. _It was good._ Things were good.

Nothing could bring her down – nothing _would._ She refused to let it.

The door was pushed open the rest of the way and Abby walked in, a white rectangular box in her hands. As soon as she caught sight of Clarke sitting in her wedding dress, she let out a tiny gasp and lifted her hand to cover her mouth. Clarke shifted awkwardly under her gaze.

"I'll give you two a moment," Raven said after a stretch of uncomfortable silence. She sent Clarke a reassuring smile and slipped past Abby.

Part of her wanted Raven beside her with her mother in the room – she knew Abby wouldn't say anything too harsh with someone else with them – but she also understood why Raven would want to leave. If she had the option, she would probably escape the coming conversation too.

As soon as they were alone, Clarke laughed nervously to break the tension. Abby was staring at her with tears and so much emotion in her eyes – both something that Clarke wasn't used to. She couldn't ignore the unsureness she felt inside of her. "It's not a big deal, mom."

Abby stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. Clarke tried not to think of what Abby was going to say about everything. While she was kind a week ago, she also had a week to think about what she was exactly doing. She was expecting some harsh words or a scolding of some sort. Don't get her wrong – she loved her mom and she didn't just automatically assume the worst of her all the time – she just knew there was no way her mother would be okay with what she was doing. If she hadn't been around herself and Bellamy for so many years, she would be shocked with what they were doing, too.

"Of course it is," she said. "You're getting married. You're going to be all grown-up."

Clarke scrunched up her nose. "I am grown-up, aren't I? Things aren't really going to change. I haven't lived at home for years. I've lived with Bellamy for a long time." She shrugged. "It'll be no different than before."

"Except he'll be coming on Sundays now, I hope?" she prompted. Clarke was surprised by Abby's invitation. Usually, Sunday brunch was her thing with her mom. And, of course, Kane was included with that when her mom felt like their relationship was serious enough.

The invitation warmed her heart, but it was nothing compared to the image of Bellamy coming with her every Sunday, hanging out with her family. When she was a young girl, she always wanted her husband to be close with her parents. As she grew up, she realized that was a fantasy world, but it was still nice to think about.

Abby moved further into the room and sat down on the corner of the bed, opposite to Clarke. "He's always welcome, you know." She smiled. "You and Bellamy and your children – they'll always be welcome at brunch." Clarke supressed a smile. She could already imagine Madi coming with her to meet her mom. She could imagine her family sitting around a table. "You two will give me grandchildren, won't you?"

Clarke hoped her expression wasn't nearly as flustered as she felt in that moment. She had a feeling she was still gawking at Abby. "Mom."

She held her hands up in surrender. "I'm just saying."

Clarke turned back to the mirror, acting like she was suddenly interested in fixing a piece of her hair. She really didn't want to see her mother's reaction when she said what she was planning on saying.

It felt _right_ to say it, but she was also terrified of seeing that classic expression of disappointment from Abby.

"Well, your wish might come true sooner than you think." Clarke glanced briefly at Abby through the mirror. "We're planning on adopting. Soon. As soon as possible, actually."

That sucked the air right out of the room.

Clarke adverted her eyes and focused on adjusting a bobby pin. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and she tried to listen to her mother's movements, waiting for her to say how terrible of an idea it was. She could almost imagine the words.

 _You're making a mistake, Clarke. You both are young. You don't need to rush. Focus on your schooling and your marriage first._

Instead of scolding her immediately, Abby stood up from the bed and moved to stand behind her daughter. Without speaking, she placed the white box on the vanity in front of her and took the bobby pin from her hands. As she hummed, she placed the pin into her hair.

"You'll be a good role-model," Abby said after a long moment. "I… I know we haven't seen eye-to-eye on a lot of things recently. I know things have been… _difficult._ " Clarke could've thought of a million different words to describe their relationship in that moment. She chose to keep her mouth shut. "But I want you to know I support you, Clarke. I love you more than you could ever know." She reached down and squeezed Clarke's shoulder. "Well… I guess, you'll find out soon enough, won't you? A mother's love is unparalleled to so many things."

"Huh," she chuckled without humor. "I have a pretty good idea already," she said, her voice thick with emotion. She already loved Madi to the ends of the world.

They fell into a comfortable silence. Clarke was caught up with her thoughts about Bellamy and Madi. She couldn't stop thinking about her mother, either, and how she was constantly surprised by her.

"I had so many things I wanted to say to you today," Abby said after a brief moment of silence. Clarke understood that feeling. "I… I don't know where to start."

"It's okay, mom," she said, reaching up to squeeze the hand sitting on her shoulder. For what felt like could be the first time in her life, Clarke could read her mom like an open book. Her eyes seemed to speak everything that she couldn't. "I know. I love you, too."

Things had been tense and difficult and strained with Abby over the last few years, but her words were true. She loved her mom, and, even though it felt impossible to believe sometimes, she knew she loved her too.

"I'm so happy to see you happy," she said. "That day – at brunch with Bellamy – I had never seen you so happy in a long time – so carefree. I know I didn't react the best when you told me last week, but… well, I was surprised. I said it before, but I'll say it again. You're responsible and you're smart and you're a good person, Clarke. If you want this, then I want it for you, too. If you're sure about this, I'm sure about it, too. If you're happy, I am, too."

Clarke was touched by her words. It wasn't too often that Abby was so forward and open with her. Usually, it was all puzzles and double-edged swords and confusing statements. "I am happy," she said, her voice unwavering. "I'm sure about this. I want this." _I want Bellamy._

Abby affectionately brushed the back of Clarke's head. "Good." They locked eyes again. "I like Bellamy."

She smiled with those words. "I do, too."

 _I love Bellamy._

Abby let out a long sigh and wrung her hands together. Clarke could tell there was more she wanted to say, but she understood. It was hard. Talking was hard. After so much time apart and for being distant for so long, opening up was difficult.

"I know, mom," Clarke said again, hoping her words would reassure the both of them. "I get it."

"I… I wish I could say more."

"You don't have to."

 _And it was true._ Clarke understood her in that moment. Her coming to see her and being as open as she was spoke volume to her. She was always a firm believe of the fact that actions spoke louder than words.

Abby let out a wet laugh. She reached past Clarke and picked the white box off the vanity. For the first time since Abby walked it, she took notice of the faded silver writing along the top. It was cardboard and the edges were frayed, showing its age. It had the unmistakable feel of being something bridal.

"This was mine on my wedding day to your father," she explained after a moment. Her voice was tense and Clarke recognized it as her trying to hold back tears. With those words, Clarke's heart stopped. She felt her body go completely numb and her mind go completely silent.

 _Her father._

"As soon as you told me about your wedding, I knew I had to find it. I found it this morning, thank the gods. Marcus reminded me I put it in storage with your baby clothes." Clarke ran her fingers over the top of the box, feeling more than a little odd in that moment. She never would've guessed that her mother hung onto this; she was never really a sentimental person. "You can open it, if you want?"

She didn't need another prompt. Clarke lifted the lid to the box and felt tears fill her eyes. _Gods, she was emotional._ She didn't bother to try and stop or hide her emotion though.

Inside the box was the veil she had seen so many times in wedding photos. Considering her parents got married in the 80s, the veil wasn't as over-the-top as the fashion trends dictated in that decade. Her mother had always been one for simple tastes, and the single layered veil followed that.

Clarke's fingers touched the tulle gingerly, almost as if she was afraid that just touching it would rip the fabric. She wouldn't call herself a sentimental person, but this veil had more meaning to her than it just being a piece of clothing. She missed her dad more than she missed anyone or anything in the world – having a tiny piece of him though his marriage was more than she could've asked for.

"You don't have to wear it. I didn't know if you already had one picked out or not, so don't feel obligated. I just… I wanted you to have it."

"I'll wear it," she said without hesitation.

They both fell silent again. Clarke felt like she should be saying something else, but she didn't know what. She was stunned into silence.

Finally, Abby spoke. "I know your father would have wanted to be here." Those words sent ice cold hands to wrap around her gut. "I know you probably want him here, too." Somehow, that made it worse. It was the truth though. _She did want him here._

When this wedding was for a fake marriage, she hadn't thought too much of having her dad there. After all, it wasn't real. _Now, though…_ Now, it was real. That changed things. It made her yearn for her dad to be beside her as she walked down the aisle; she wanted her dad to meet Bellamy; she wanted him to be with them that day.

She tried not to think of it too much, but Abby's words were true. She missed her dad and she would've given almost anything o have him here.

Instead of thinking herself in circles, she took the veil out of the box and handed it to her mother. "Do you mind putting it on for me?"

Abby's expression was one filled with adoration. Clarke recognized it well. "Of course."

* * *

Clarke stood in the living room, a soft smile on her face. Raven wore a large smile as she handed Clarke the bouquet of flowers. While she had thought they were running low for time earlier, she was wrong. It was _seconds_ before she was expecting to walk down the aisle and Raven was still trying to help her get ready.

Raven had always been one for details. She'd been that way ever since Clarke met her. When she was repainting something in her workshop, all the details had to be just right. When she was building something, the measurements had to be perfect. And now, when she was helping Clarke, she kept adjusting the details. _Fluff the skirt, turn the flowers, move that piece of hair._

Gods, Clarke loved her friend. While she was sure some people might've found her attention to detail annoying, it was the exact opposite for her.

"Thank you for your help. And… everything." _For being so understanding. For helping me today. For helping me fix things with Bellamy._ "Thank you."

"I'm your friend," she reminded her. "I think it's my duty to make sure your wedding day isn't up in flames, right?"

"Oh, duty, is it?" Clarke teased, her eyes sparkling. Raven snorted.

She winked. "You know it." With critical eyes, she looked over Clarke one final time. When their eyes met again, her expression softened. "Good. You look good."

Clarke nodded and ran her fingers along the stem of one of the flowers she held. Her mind was elsewhere, and rightfully so.

On the other side of those doors, her family sat. _Her friends, her family, the people she loved._ Madi was out there. Her mother. Her future sister. _Her future husband._

She felt her heart racing by just thinking the words. She was a sap and completely unashamed by that fact. She loved him and she was excited to marry him. _Bellamy was out there and he was about to become her husband._

 _Gods,_ how did they end up here? How did things spiral so out of control so fast, but _in the most perfect way?_

Three weeks ago, they weren't roommates anymore. She lived with her friends while he lived with Echo. Two weeks ago, they decided to get married so they had a chance at adopting Madi. One week ago, they had their first kiss. Six days ago, she was undeniably falling in love with him, but refusing to believe it. _Several hours ago,_ she finally quit the bullshit and realized she loved him.

Some would say it was happening too fast. But to her, it was just who they were. Even when they first became friends, she barely knew him for two weeks when they decided to move in together. _That's who they were._ They moved fast, but they didn't have regrets.

She never would've thought of herself as a spontaneous person, but it was easy to be with Bellamy. Things with him were just _right._ He was everything to her; her best friend, her confidant, her partner, the heart to her head. She trusted him more than she trusted herself and cared for him more than she thought was humanly possible.

So, really, _were_ things happening too fast? Maybe this was just a long-time coming.

 _And she was going to marry him._ She knew it should've terrified her, but it didn't. She chalked it up to the engagement and the wedding and the realizations happening so fast. She didn't have time to get nervous during the weeks leading up to the wedding, and she sure as hell didn't have time to get nervous now.

In that moment, she wasn't nervous. Sure, her heart was racing and her palms were sweating, but she was scared of what was to come.

She was excited to be marrying him. While things had only clicked into place within the last two weeks, it strangely felt like this was a long-time coming.

"Good, you're ready. And not a moment too soon," Octavia said, walking into the room. Somewhere between dealing with guests and other preparations throughout the whole morning, she had managed to slip into her dress.

"You good?" Raven asked, locking eyes with Clarke for the last time. She nodded her head, determination and excitement growing inside of her.

"I'm good," she confirmed. "Thanks again, Raven."

She nodded her head in response. "I'm going to head to my seat then. Good luck out there. Don't fall on your ass."

Clarke snorted. "Thanks." With that, Raven slipped out the back door, leaving Octavia and Clarke alone.

Octavia sent her a guilty smile. "Sorry I wasn't there for you earlier."

Clarke dismissed her concerns with the wave of a hand. "Don't be. You've been working day and night for today. I know you were busy with wedding stuff and not ditching me completely." She smiled. "Plus, Raven helped." When Octavia didn't look any less guilty, Clarke tried again. "It's fine, O. Promise."

"Well, still, I would've liked to be there for everything. I mean, gods, I missed you finally realizing you're in love with my brother!" Octavia's eyes lit up with that and all thoughts about guilt were gone. "I'm so jealous of Raven right now. She got to witness your realization. I can just imagine how horrified you were."

Clarke smirked. Looking back on it, she was able to smile. But during those tense few minutes, she felt like she could've combusted from all of the emotions inside of her.

"I wasn't horrified. I was just terrified that I hurt him and I was scared that I might not have had the chance to _fix_ my mistakes. I didn't want us to say these vows when we were in an odd place. I didn't want to stand out there and neither one of us knowing what the other feels. Once I realized that we both were on the same page, I couldn't let him think I was pretending and faking everything during today. I needed him to know that I loved him too. I needed him to know that I wanted to give us a try." Clarke swallowed thickly. "I was so terrified of messing things up that I messed things up. Funny how that shit always happens." _It really wasn't funny at all._ "I didn't want to put us in an awkward place with our friendship and our deal and Madi and the marriage. I didn't want to risk losing her. I didn't want to hurt him." She chuckled. "I didn't want to hurt him… and I ended up hurting him even more in the process."

"You weren't the only one confused," Octavia promised her after a moment of silence. "Do you know how much sleep I lost because Bellamy would call me in the middle of the night?"

Clarke's mouth ran dry at that. Her heart skipped a beat. "What?"

"Yeah. I mean… I probably shouldn't tell you, but I'm his little sister and it's his wedding day, so I _think_ I'm supposed to embarrass him anyways." Octavia looked cheeky at this idea. "But for the last week – ever since you two kissed – all Bellamy could do was talk about you." She snorted. "I mean, he _always_ freaking talked about you before, but this was different. It was about you – the two of you. Together."

Clarke was surprised at this admission. She was struggling to find the right words. "Really?"

Octavia sent her a hard look. "Would I really lie about this? I mean… come on." Clarke had to admit – she had a point. "He was worried that he was in love with you. He didn't want to somehow scare you off or something. He mentioned not wanting to mess up your future and your deal a few times, too, you know."

So, basically, he was worried about the same things she was worried about. Clarke wanted to groan at this. Why didn't they just talk through it? They could've realized they were in this together a lot earlier than an hour before the wedding.

"So, you're telling me this _now?"_ Clarke asked, her lips pressed together tightly.

Octavia sent her a wink. "Better late than never, right? Plus, I _can_ say these things now that you two figured things out. I didn't want to make things worse, you know?" She shrugged. "I just thought it would be nice to know that you weren't the only one questioning things and worried."

Clarke couldn't hold it against her. She was his little sister and she was loyal to him without a fault. There wasn't a world where Clarke expected Octavia to betray his trust like that.

"Well, I'm just happy it worked out. We kinda cut it close, didn't we?" A thin smile spread across Clarke's face. Considering it was the day of their wedding, her statement couldn't be any truer.

The younger Blake examined the veil on Clarke's head. Her teasing expression melted away to one much softer. "I take it that Abby found you?" At Clarke's questioning expression, she continued. "She was asking Harper where you were. I guess she recognized her from Facebook or something."

"Gotcha." Clarke brushed her fingertips against the soft tulle against her hair. "Yeah, it's from my mom. It was hers when she married my dad."

"I-" Just as Octavia started talking, music started playing from the outdoor speakers. Clarke snorted and glanced as her, her eyebrow raised. "If you're going to comment about the fact we're using Monty's party speakers for your wedding, don't bother. It's the best we had."

"Is Jasper's shitty iPod hooked up to them like usual?" Octavia grinned widely at that and Clarke snorted. Of course they were. "It's good," she clarified. "It's hilarious, actually. My mom is probably shedding tears right now. I'm sure she didn't envision her daughter getting married in a backyard with the help of five-year-old speakers."

"Give them proper credit. They're at least eight-years-old." Clarke smiled wider at that. "Alright. Well, just start walking when the song changes." Clarke nodded her head. She felt butterflies erupt in her stomach when she realized _this was it_.

She was about to marry Bellamy.

"Got it."

With one last reassuring smile, Octavia slipped out the backdoor.

Clarke was completely alone.

She swallowed thickly and tried to calm her racing heart. _She was a liar._ She was totally nervous. It felt like she had just run for hours by the way her heart was beating and her blood rushing. She could hear it rushing through her ears. Her knees felt they were completely weak.

She was nervous for inexplicable reasons. She wasn't scared of marrying Bellamy and she wasn't scared of something terrible happening, like him abandoning her at the alter like those lame romance movies depicted. She wasn't nervous because she was signing away her life and her future, or whatever crap someone told her once.

(It was complete bullshit, by the way. She wasn't signing away her future because _he_ was her future. They would build a future together, and she couldn't imagine anything more perfect than that.)

She was nervous because this would be the first time she was going to see him after telling him she loved him. This was going to be the first time she told him her true feelings, with everyone they cared about as witnesses. Even though she wasn't questioning her feelings for Bellamy, saying them out loud in front of so many people was overwhelming and terrifying _but, at the same time, she wanted nothing more than to do it._

Then again, there was that inexplicable reason to her nervousness as well. It could've been because society placed so much weight and value on marriage and a wedding ceremony, and she felt this pressure to comply with that. Maybe it was because they were saying their vows in front of the social worker – the very person they needed to convince. Maybe it was because of something else. She couldn't place her finger on it and she doubted she ever would.

At that moment, figuring it out was the least of her worries.

All she could think about was the man at the end of the aisle. _The man she loved._ The man she chose – and would continue to choose over and over. The man she trusted and cared for. The man that made her feel whole and made her feel safe and made her feel like she was home.

Bellamy.

 _All she could think of was Bellamy._

And when she heard the song change, she couldn't stop the wide smile from spreading across her face, nor could she stop the love blooming in her chest. Still, she couldn't ignore the fact that she could barely feel her legs from excitement or nervousness _(did it even matter at this point?)_.

Clarke sucked in a final breath, gripped the stems of the flowers tighter and pulled the door to the backyard open. Her heart was fluttering like wild and her knees felt weak.

Like two magnets, Clarke's eyes instantly gravitated towards Bellamy's. Just seeing him seemed to settle all of the buzzing of her mind. Calmness surged through her. Her legs felt stronger, her mind felt calmer. Determination quickly followed the calmness. _She wanted to be beside him._

Just as he promised he would be, he was standing at the end of the aisle. _Not that she ever doubted him._ She couldn't see the details of his face and she desperately wanted that to change.

She wanted to see the flecks of rust and gold hidden within the browns of his eyes. She wanted to imagine the constellations of freckles on his face. She wanted to taste the scar on his lip and feel his lips under hers. She wanted to feel his hair between her fingers, and the skin of his palm against her own. She wanted to be enveloped by his arms, just as her heart had been enveloped by him.

The aisle was too long. All she wanted to do was be in front of him – to be beside him. She wanted to be able to touch him and hear him and be with him. They had been through so much together over the last few hours, which was a fairly good representation of their relationship through the years.

With every step she took, the _want_ to be with him grew stronger. All she could see was him. _His smile,_ making butterflies fill her stomach _. His eyes,_ growing in clarity with every step she took. Gods, he looked good _(when did he not look good?)._

Right then, all she wanted was him. All she wanted was to be _in his freaking arms_ because she missed him and she loved him.

 _Gods, she loved him._

Her eyes drifted to the left of the aisle, leaving Bellamy's for the first time since she spotted him. _Madi._ She could see the young girl bouncing on her heels, a wide smile plastered across her face.

Clarke felt a wave of emotion hit her. She didn't think it was possible, but even _more_ love – a different love, but just as beautiful – filled her in that moment. She was reminded of the reason they planned this wedding, and she was reminded of the future they were working towards.

A family. She could hear Bellamy's words from the morning she woke up in his bed ringing through her mind. _"I want a family. Our family, Clarke; Madi, you, and me."_

She wanted that then and she wanted that now.

When Clarke glanced back to Bellamy, she could see the freckles scattered across his face. After only a few more steps, she could reach out and touch him.

 _So, she did._

She stretched her hand out to his, and he reciprocated her action. Her fingers locked around his hand and suddenly, she felt grounded again. She felt centred and present and _there._ His hand was warm, but perfectly so. _And it was familiar._ Being joined with him in this way had become familiar within the last two weeks.

She stepped beside him, her eyes finding his once more. She could see the various shades of brown within them again, which strangely made her feel light. Just by looking at him, it made her feel like she was wrapped in his warmth.

"Hi." His voice came out as a whisper. "You look beautiful." His words felt like a secret shared just between the two of them.

It felt like a shroud of peace had covered them, leaving _just them._ It was a strange phenomenon; how could she be standing in front of a crowd, but all she could see was him?

"I love you," she said, her tone matching his. With her soft words, the corners of his lips pushed up into a smile and his eyes seemed to light up.

"I know."

As the officiant began the ceremony, Clarke couldn't help but choke on her laughter. _Gods,_ he was such a nerd. Of course, he would use the opportunity to reference _Star Wars._ Judging on the mirth in Bellamy's eyes, he was amused by his response too.

He squeezed her hand briefly and his thumb grazed the top of her hand. She knew what he was trying to say in that moment. _I love you, too._

The words had flowed from her mouth easily, like they were something that she had always said to him. In a way, she always loved him. She had told him multiple times, but it was different then. _I love you as a friend. I love you as a partner._

Now, it was more ' _I love you as everything.'_

She could barely hear the officiant speaking. The words weren't important in that moment, not really. She knew them by heart from the amount of weddings her mother forced her to attend when she was a child.

All she could think of was Bellamy. It felt like her mind was trapped in a box, with the only thoughts swirling around her mind having to do with him. She wasn't complaining. She would gladly think of Bellamy every day for the rest of her life.

She could get lost in his eyes. It was something she hadn't really appreciated before now. She had seen his eyes _countless_ times before this moment. She had stared into them for long periods of time as they talked into the night, she had examined them for biology projects, and had fallen in love with them so long ago that she couldn't remember exactly when.

When did the shade of brown in his eyes become her favourite eye colour? It was just _brown_ either. It was _Bellamy brown._ It was a shade so specific to _him_ that she doubted she would be able to find it anywhere else. _She didn't want to find it anywhere else, either._

She loved how the corners of his eyes creased when he smiled or when was trying to read in low lighting. She loved how his nose crinkled when he was annoyed, and she loved how his forehead creased when he was in deep thought.

She loved when he laughed, too. Not only was it like music to her ears, but _watching_ him laugh was another thing all together. He would throw his head back, his whole body reacting to his joy. It was almost like he was inviting others to laugh with him; like he was sharing the joy with the world.

 _And with him standing before her now,_ she could list off a million other things she loved about him. _So many things._

His compassion, his fire, his goofiness.

The way he protected the people he loved, the way he tried his best and put all of his effort into everything he did.

She loved him for the time he spent helping others, and the countless future days he would continue to give to making sure he was contributing to a better world.

She loved him for the way he always managed to wake her up in the morning, whether it was intentional or not. She loved how he always managed to leave some food for her in the fridge if they ate apart, and how he always remembered she hated onions.

She loved how he viewed children as gifts to the earth, and she loved how he would always sacrifice anything in his life just to bring joy to one.

 _She loved that she knew him._ She had seen him in his brightest moments and also during those days that darkness seemed to follow him like a shadow.

When she was younger, she remembered that her dad told her that you never truly knew a person until you seen them when they're happy, when they're sick, and when they're struggling. While she didn't base the quality of her relationship off of this single piece of advice, she couldn't get her father's words out of her mind in that moment. Not only did she _see_ Bellamy in all those situations, but she was _with_ him. She stood beside him, supporting him through everything over the last few years.

 _Just like he did for her._

She knew him, just like he knew her. She understood him better than she truly understood herself.

She had spent too many months of her life denying her feelings for Bellamy. She had spent too many days within the last few weeks convincing herself that their friendship was for the best – that ignoring whatever she felt towards him was for the best.

She was scared that she was being selfish by wanting him when that would complicate their deal. She was scared that introducing yet another layer of complexity to everything was a mistake.

 _But she was wrong._ Loving him was easy.

When the officiant called for the vows, she was suddenly nervous. Between everything, she hadn't even had time to write her vows to him, and she doubted he had time either. _She'd just have to wing it._ She was never a poet, but she thought that the words expressing her love for him would come easy.

Bellamy squeezed her hand, a soft look on his face. She smiled in return. When neither of them spoke, her smile turned goofier.

"Clarke? Do you want to start off?" the officiant prompted. She nodded her head and sucked in a breath, calming her racing heart. She locked eyes with Bellamy again and focused on him.

 _Only him._

"We've been through so much together," she began. She was suddenly so aware of all of the people watching her in this moment, but she couldn't bring herself to care. He was all she cared about in that moment. "We've been best friends for years, and roommates for almost as long. For the longest time, I thought _that would be it._ I thought that we were made to be platonic soul mates in every sense of the world, but never anything more." She swallowed thickly. " _I hoped for more._ " The corners of Bellamy's lips twitched upwards, revealing a small smile that warmed her heart. "I got to spend so many moments of my life with you. I fell in love with you so slowly that I didn't even notice."

The more she spoke, the less she thought of everyone watching her. Talking about her love for him was calming and cathartic. Right now, it was just the two of them and she loved it.

"I love your compassion and your strength. I love your kindness and I love that you hold so much love in your heart. I love your dedication to the things you believe in. I love that I can be me when I'm with you, no matter what. I love how you read Homer over and over, yet never grow tired of it.

"I'm so lucky to have someone as kind and as generous in my life because you make my life better and brighter. I'm so thankful I'm marrying you, Bellamy, because you're my best friend and I've been in love with you for a long time." She hoped her eyes conveyed everything her words didn't. _This is the truth. I've loved you for a long time, Bellamy._ "I never thought I could feel _so much_ for a person as I do with you.

"You make me happy and I'm so thankful I'll be spending the rest of my life with you. Growing with you, experiencing life with you, and doing everything in between with you by my side. I never doubted that I would be beside you for the rest of my life, and I'm looking forward to every adventure with you.

"I love you, Bellamy. For so many reasons that I'll probably never be able to say properly, but I'll gladly spend the rest of my life _trying_ to show you just how much I care for you and just how special you are to me."

The words flowed out of her in a rush and she wasn't too sure exactly what she said as soon as she stopped talking. She could barely feel her own mouth moving.

 _All she could feel was Bellamy._ His hand grasping hers and his thumb running along the back of her hand.

 _All she could see was him_ ; his eyes crinkling from a smile; the way his lips were parted slight, almost as if he was struggling to find the words to speak; the way his hand by his side kept moving towards her, like he was aching to touch her.

She wanted to touch him too; her heart was aching to do so. She reached forward and touched her fingertips to his hand by his side. He gently closed his hand around hers.

" _Clarke_." Just him saying her name with so much tenderness made her heart beat faster. How was it possible that one single word made her want to melt? "You're my best friend. You're the person I trust the most in this world. You're the person that makes me smile by just _being around._

 _"_ You're like the first blade of grass after a long winter. You're like a breath of fresh air after a storm. You're beautiful in every sense of the word, and it shows every day. You radiate kindness and beauty. Your actions show how beautiful your soul is." _There it was._ She was never a poet, but he was. His words made her hands tremble.

"You're the only person I want to debate Greek mythology with. You're the only person I want to grow old with and have a family with. You're the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

"It's like you said; we've been through so much together. We've been though hardships, and we've suffered, and we've struggled. But we've also shared so many good memories together. Despite everything _, you've always been beside me._ We've always been together – no matter what.

"I know our marriage will be like that. I know we'll be partners in life, just like we are partners now." _Partners._ She liked that.

"I promise to always be your best friend and I promise to always be there for you, no matter what. I will always stand beside you, support you, and I'll always encourage you. I will protect your dreams and I'll have your back. I promise to respect you and be truthful to you, always."

Clarke gripped his hands tighter at this. She couldn't speak even if she wanted to. Her throat was tight and her eyes were burning with unshed tears.

She hoped her actions conveyed what she wanted to Bellamy. _I promise to be there for you. I promise to support you. I promise to love you._

"I can't wait to experience the rest of our lives together. I love you, Clarke. I will love you through the good times and the bad alike. And I promise to love you until my last breath, and even after that."

It took everything in Clarke in that moment to stop herself from lunging into his arms. She let out a shaky breath and squeezed his hand tightly in hers. He didn't seem to mind; he was holding onto her with just as much need and desperation.

Murphy was called on to bring the rings forward and Clarke was impressed that he _actually_ managed to keep them safe. When the officiant asked them to repeat the words, Clarke had no problems at all with speaking them.

 _Because they were true._

As she spoke, she guided Bellamy's ring onto his finger. "With these rings, I take you, Bellamy, to be my partner, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, and to love until death do us part."

Even without the added layer of being _in love_ with Bellamy, the words she spoke were true. Weeks ago – months ago, even – she would've said these words and meant it.

 _She did promise to love him, no matter what._ For better or for worse. She had stood beside him in the past, when things were rough and they were in pain, and she had no want for that to change anytime in the future.

She would love him, if he was sick or healthy. _She would stand beside him,_ and take care of him, and love him. She had done it before. He did, too. Whenever either one of them got sick, it usually wound up being the other taking care of them. _Making soup, pulling back hair, getting water._

She would love him, regardless of his status and regardless of money. _She loved him for him._ For his compassion and his soul and his light. She loved him for the person he was beneath everything – not for the man strangers judged him to be.

Clarke had no intentions of losing him. His friendship was something she valued more than she could express in words. She had no intentions of losing that friendship – not unless it was from something as final as death. And she promised to love him _, even as a friend,_ until that moment.

But _,_ in that moment, she had every intention of speaking these words to him as a wife. She promised to love him; she promised to be in love with him.

"With these rings, I take you, Clarke, to be my partner, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, and to love until death do us part."

The metal felt cool against her finger when the ring was slipped on her hand. In that moment, she couldn't stop thinking about what they talked about while shopping for these rings.

The rings were a circle; they were something without an end. It represented infinity and timelessness. _That's what she was promising to,_ in that moment. An infinity filled with love and partnership.

"You may seal your promises with a kiss."

Both Clarke and Bellamy moved forward at the same time. As their lips connected, Clarke's face broke into a smile, and she could feel Bellamy's lips smiling against hers too.

Her hands cupped the sides of his face, her heart suddenly yearning to be as close to him as possible. He must've been thinking the same thing, as his hands wound around her sides, tugging her into a partial hug.

Clarke pulled back after an entirely too brief of a moment. Her head was already light from the excitement and the lack of oxygen. She locked eyes with him once more, yet it felt different in that moment.

They were married. She was his wife, and he was her husband.

Clarke couldn't help but let a small laugh bubble through her lips. The sheer joy she felt in that moment was unparalleled to anything she had felt before.

Bellamy dipped his head towards hers, resting his forehead against hers for a brief second. Her heart jumped to her throat from that moment of tenderness and her fingers moved back a few inches to tangle in his curly hair.

She could feel his breath wash over her as he let out a soft laugh. Even _that_ made her heart beat faster. That tiny laugh was _just for her._ Gods, and there would be a life-time of those to come.

She knew in that moment that she was screwed. She had completely fallen in love with Bellamy.

Somehow, it didn't scare her like it did before.

 _No._

Instead, it felt like home.

* * *

 **I didn't want to make this chapter too soft or mushy or something, but I kept hitting a writers block and the only way this chapter would come out was if it was like this, so… I said screw it. It's just fluff and softness and cheesy (I mean I tried to keep it in character, but I don't think I did as well as I usually do).**

 **I'm not as confident as I usually am with what I have written, but I'm going with it. I hope you enjoyed the extra mushy goodness! You have three more chapters of pure fluff to look forward to haha.**

 **Thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated!**


	13. Chapter 13: The Speeches

**Warning: coarse language, mentions of alcohol and alcohol consumption.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 13: The Speeches**

* * *

Bellamy stood at the edge of Monty and Jasper's backyard, his gaze glued to the backdoor of their house. He couldn't look away – his _wife_ had been whisked away from him and he was already missing her.

 _Wow._ That was strange to think.

Even though he had two weeks to get used to the idea of Clarke becoming his wife, _actually_ being married was different. He knew it shouldn't have been – not really, at least. Nothing had changed between them. They had been best friends for years and would be friends through marriage. Just because they signed a piece of paper didn't mean their whole relationship changed.

But, still, it felt different.

In a way, their relationship _did_ change. While they would always love and care for each other, today added another layer to all of that. Not only through the vows and the ceremony, but because only hours beforehand, they had admitted everything to each other.

It was exhilarating.

"Chill your ass down," Murphy ordered, a few feet to his left. Not many people would peg Murphy for being one to read emotions easily, but he always managed to read him like an open book.

He stood beside him, looking completely unbothered. The exact opposite could've been said for Bellamy. He was the perfect image of calm through the whole day. Bellamy had no idea how the hell Murphy looked so unphased when, several times today, he felt like he could pass out at any second.

Now, after the ceremony, Bellamy was filled with that same type of calmness Murphy must've felt. Before the wedding, he was terrified. _Terrified of falling over, terrified of losing the rings, terrified of saying something wrong, terrified of something going wrong._

But, really, there wasn't a reason to be nervous. Even _if_ something went wrong, he was marrying Clarke and she had a great sense of humor and outlook on life. She wouldn't have been upset by something going wrong. He could almost imagine how her eyes would sparkle and how her laugh would fill his chest with love in that situation.

Even though he knew Clarke wouldn't have minded – and he didn't either, really – he was glad things managed to go well. He didn't pass out, which he was sure was going to happen by the way his blood was rushing through his veins and by the way his stomach filled with butterflies. Murphy didn't lose the rings. He didn't stumble over his vows. Clarke looked as breathtaking as ever (like he ever doubted she wouldn't. He'd seen her at all hours of the day and had taken care of her when she was sick – and she looked stunning during every one of them). Nothing exploded. All the guests were happy.

Things were good. The wedding was good.

 _And he was married to Clarke._ Now, that was _great_.

"I told you that things were going to be fine," Murphy said when he realized Bellamy looked more relaxed than before. He had a smug smirk on his face. Typical.

Bellamy lifted an eyebrow. "I still can't believe _you_ of all people told me that _I_ was going to be fine after getting married."

"I know," he said, his tone cheeky. "But, it's not like you needed convincing." Murphy stuffed his hand in his pocket, a smirk on his face. "I mainly had to convince you _not_ to run down the aisle to meet Clarke half-way," he teased. Bellamy rolled his eyes and let out a small laugh.

He had to admit, it _was_ tempting to walk towards her as she walked towards him. All he wanted was to have her in his arms and to never let go. It had been nearly impossible to keep himself from reaching out to her when they spoke before they were married. Ever since that moment, he was burning to hold her.

Seeing her walk down the aisle – one that was too long (thanks, Octavia) – was torture because of that. Of course, her walking down the aisle stole his breath and made his heart race, but he wanted to feel her against his skin and be able to be beside her.

Changing the subject slightly, he asked, "I thought you were against marriage?"

Murphy snorted. "Considering I'm planning on buying a ring to propose to Emori with, I'd say you're wrong on that one." His eyebrows rose at that. _That_ was unexpected. Murphy was always one claim he was never going to be married. Murphy bumped his shoulder against Bellamy. "Any tips?"

"For what?"

"For marriage." Bellamy glanced at him out the side of his eye. Murphy shrugged. "Isn't that what you're supposed to ask at weddings?"

Bellamy snorted and shook his head. Murphy was an idiot, but he had good intentions. "I haven't even been married for an hour, dumbass. I think you're supposed to ask those questions on the anniversary or whatever."

Murphy didn't look too impressed. "Listen, I'm just trying to be a proper best man." He puffed out his chest the slightest bit. "I was a good best man, wasn't I?"

"Considering nobody died and you didn't lose the rings, it's safe to say you succeeded." Murphy looked too proud for the lack of compliments. His expectations of not fucking up must've been really low. Bellamy grimaced.

"I told you. I said _don't worry, Blake. I have the rings. You'll be fine._ And look who was right. Me." He puffed out his cheeks, a shit eating grin on his face. "I predicted this whole thing. I said that Clarke was going to walk through those doors and you'd probably cry and all the girls would swoon. I told you that Clarke would look like… well, _Clarke_ , but you'd think she looks like the most beautiful women on Earth or some shit."

Bellamy's expression softened. "She did."

Murphy didn't look impressed by his words. "Save it for your wife, Blake." Bellamy couldn't hide his goofy smile at that. _His wife._ Gods, Clarke was his wife. They were partners. They were married. "Look at you. All I said was the word _wife_!" Bellamy could only grin wider. Murphy shook his head in amusement. "I told you that you'd say your vows and Emori would _probably_ give me that side-eye sometime tonight, letting me know she's waiting for a proposal. Which she _already did,_ thank you very much. And… We'll all live happily ever after. Right?"

Somehow, Bellamy appreciated Murphy's dry tone in that moment. He could always count on him for a nice dose of sarcasm. He was such a mess of emotions that if he _was_ being serious, he wasn't too sure if he could hold back tears.

"You have a way with words," he responded dryly. Murphy snorted and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

His eyes travelled across the yard. While it had almost all emptied out at that point, a few people still lingered around. Mainly, their friends, but Bellamy could see Marcus and Abby milling around. They were waiting for Clarke to return, no doubt.

He loved Harper, but why did she need to take his wife away from him in that moment? He barely got to say ten words to her after the ceremony and after signing the official papers. Dammit. He really wanted to hold her hand, and to see her eyes, and to hear her laugh. He just wanted to be near her.

It felt like he had spent too much time away from her already, with the disaster of the last few days. Even before they kissed the second night, he felt himself holding back from her. All he wanted to do was hold her hand and have her lean into his side during wedding planning, but he refused to let himself follow through with those temptations.

Then, after their kiss, things seemed to get worse. She was avoiding him, he was avoiding her.

They were a mess, but he was okay with that.

"Who's the hobbit?" Murphy asked, breaking him from his thoughts. He nodded towards the furthest right-hand side of the yard. Bellamy's eyes finally left the door to the house, moving towards where Octavia was standing with Madi and a woman in a suit.

Until that moment, Bellamy didn't realize that it could feel like his heart was melting from love _and_ also turning to stone out of fear at the same time.

He was excited to see that Madi had stuck around after the ceremony. He seen her in the crowd during the ceremony, but he never had a chance to talk to her. He doubted Clarke had a chance either.

At the same time, he was terrified of messing up. He knew who the lady in the suit was – or, at least, he knew why she was at their wedding. She was the social worker in charge of Madi. Gods, he couldn't mess this up.

"That would be Madi," Bellamy said, his heart suddenly racing. Don't get him wrong; he was absolutely thrilled that Madi was able to come to their wedding, but he terrified. While he was all for her having supervision, he knew that the worker was also there to watch him and Clarke.

 _Don't screw this up. Don't screw this up. Don't screw this up._

"Madi? As in Clarke's Madi?" Murphy asked, clearly shocked.

 _Clarke's Madi._ He liked that.

He thought of the idea of their little family. It was the reason he was standing there, a ring on his finger. Without Madi, they never would've had that little push they needed to sort out their feelings for each other, and they never would've been married.

" _Our_ Madi, actually," he corrected both Murphy and himself, a coy smirk on his face. Murphy looked shocked, which amused Bellamy. None of their friends knew the reason they were getting married for obvious reasons, but they also didn't know that they planned to adopt her together. Somehow, seeing Murphy's shocked expression would never get hold. "We want to adopt her. Both of us." Before Murphy could respond, Bellamy was already walking away. "I'm going to say hi."

Bellamy couldn't ignore the affection in his heart as he walked towards Madi. While he wasn't as close with her as Clarke was, he had spent countless hours with her. He still cared about her. He drove her around, got ice cream, went bowling, helped with homework, watched movies, cooked meals.

He already assumed the role of someone that would take care of her and support her. Even if he wasn't married to Clarke, he would've done the same thing for Madi.

He would be whatever she needed him to be. _A friend, a guide, a father._

This seemed to happen a lot with him. Whenever there was a kid that needed help, he would always do everything he could to help them. He had Octavia to thank for that.

She looked so excited to be talking with Octavia. It warmed his heart to see two of his favourite girls interacting. _All he needed was Clarke._

"Bellamy!" Madi's voice jumped several octaves when she noticed him approaching. She ran at him, her blue dress billowing behind her. As soon as she was in arms reach, she jumped, flinging herself at him. He let out a surprised laugh and caught her.

It was familiar from when Octavia was a child, catching someone who was a little bit too eager. Bellamy swung her around, just like he did with Octavia when she was that age, and then set her back on the ground.

Her face had broken out into a grin so wide that it could rival his. She was practically vibrating from excitement. She never ran out of energy.

"That was so beautiful," she gushed, taking a step back from him. "I'm so happy for the two of you. And I'm so excited!" she exclaimed. "I mean, I've never even been to a wedding before! And now you're married to Clarke? And I get to be here?" Madi smiled even wider. "I'm just really happy for you two." She was rambling, but it just showed her excitement. Bellamy was happy she was able to come.

"I don't think I've ever seen you so excited," he teased. "Not even for ice cream."

She paused, feigning thought. "Well, _ice cream_ might be a little cooler than this." She snorted. "Get it? Because it's _ice_ cream." Bellamy shook his head and chuckled at her sense of humor. She reminded him of Clarke in that moment. They both seemed to enjoy laughing at their lame jokes.

"Bellamy?" The woman in the suit who had accompanied Madi walked up behind her. Bellamy instantly felt intimidated. He tried to keep his smile on his face despite his sudden nervousness. Usually it was Clarke who dealt with the social workers and other employees at the agency.

He felt entirely out of his realm.

"Hi." He stuck his hand out towards her and he hoped his smile didn't waver.

While he shook her hand, he couldn't help but debate about the strength of the handshake. Should he grasp tighter? Did that show he was serious and mature? Or did that just make him seem like an egomaniac?

He settled for a grip he used whenever he would talk to his professors at university. That was professional enough, right?

Gods, he was a mess. He was even overthinking _handshakes._

"I'm Gaia." She smiled warmly towards him, which helped relieve some tension he was carrying. At least she seemed nice. "I'm here with Madi today. Congratulations. The ceremony was beautiful."

"Thank you."

 _Gods,_ what should he say? He felt like he should strike up a conversation of sorts, but he had absolutely nothing.

No awkward silence, _please._ He couldn't risk that. He knew if there was too long of a pause, they'd be trapped in a sort of weird limbo of conversations that couldn't be broken. They'd just be stuck, staring at each other in complete silence, until one of them brought up the weather.

He was spared having to think of something with Madi's excitement. "When will Clarke be back?" she asked, breaking the silence. "Where did she go?"

"She's with one of our friends," Bellamy said, a partial smile on his face. Just the mention of her managed to replace all of his worries.

All he wanted was to be by her side in that moment, but they managed to be separated within the first ten minutes of being married. Clarke said something about needing to change her shoes, which he understood. He could distinctly remember Octavia cursing heels when she was a teenager.

 _Gods, all he wanted was to be by her side._

"Have you visited her yet?" Bellamy asked. He already knew the answer. There hadn't been much time before the ceremony – he doubted Madi managed to go visit her between the chaos.

Madi wrinkled her nose and her expression was crestfallen. "No. I wish I would've though." Her face perked up. "But she looked really pretty up there." He couldn't agree more.

She was beautiful.

If that wasn't the biggest understatement of the year, he didn't know what was.

She was stunning in every way. It didn't matter if she was walking down the aisle or just climbing out of bed; she always managed to steal his breath. Her heart, her soul, and her personality just contributed to her beauty.

Madi's eyes flicked to past Bellamy's shoulder and her face lit up. Before Bellamy could turn around, she was already racing past him. "Clarke!"

Bellamy's mouth suddenly went dry and his heart hammered as he turned around to face her. When he seen Clarke standing in her white dress, her arms wrapped tightly around Madi, and a look of pure joy on her face, he thought his heart would explode.

 _That was his family._ His chosen family. He grew up in a life without many choices – or, at least, a life where it felt there weren't too many. Then, he grew up, and he had a world of choices before him.

 _She was one of them._

Being friends with her was a choice he made without hesitation. Being in love with her was the same.

Of course, saying it was easy wouldn't be fair. They had times where their friendship _wasn't_ an easy choice. _They had to fight for each other sometimes._ But, most often, they had to fight _beside_ each other.

Saying that being in love with her was an easy choice wasn't the best description. It was a choice he would make a million times over, without hesitation, but he knew it wouldn't always be easy.

And that was okay. Sometimes, the best things in life weren't easy.

He knew there would be days where loving her was going to be hard. He knew that she would have those same days with him, as well. But, even during the hardest of days, he would choose her and he would fight for her and he would be there for her.

No matter if loving her was easy or hard, _he chose her._ And he would continue to do so – over and over.

* * *

As Clarke sat down beside Bellamy, his face lit up. She let out a breathless laugh and fanned herself with her hand. Both of them had just come back from dancing with their friends – she wasn't really sure how late it was already, but she was exhausted and warm. She found it unfair that he could take off layers of his suit as he warmed up. She was stuck in a dress with multiple layers all day.

"Did I tell you that you look beautiful?" Bellamy asked, his lips ghosting along her ear. She was glad that the music was so loud in that moment; they had an excuse for leaning into each other if they wanted to talk.

Clarke pulled away sharply and a laugh bubbled out of her, feeling all too ticklish in that moment. She locked eyes with him and was amused to see a wicked look in his eye. He knew exactly what he was doing.

"You have, actually," she said, her nose in the air. They both knew she was teasing him in that moment. She could feel a blush blooming across her cheeks. She knew he could see it too; his face was so close her that it would be impossible to miss. She could feel every breath he took fan across her cheeks. _Not that she was complaining._ All she could think about for the last few hours was having his breath wash across her face and having his lips on hers. She swallowed thickly and tried to keep her mind away from anything except their conversation. "Several times, actually."

"Mmm." He pulled back to straighten in his chair, his eyes never leaving Clarke's. "Well, I guess I'll give have to say it a few more."

"Why's that?" She felt lighter than air in that moment and the banter came easy to her. It was easy to joke with Bellamy.

"Because you're my wife" Her heart skipped a beat at that. It would take a while to get used to the fact _they were married._ "Because I love seeing you blush. Because you're gorgeous. Because I love you."

Clarke's fake stony expression finally cracked. A wide smile crossed her face and she turned to face him completely. "I love you, too, Bell." The words were so easy to say despite them being so new. Her smile fell the slightest bit at that thought. "Isn't it weird how those words just… come so naturally now? I mean… It's new."

"It's new," he agreed. "But I've known for a while, even if I didn't know."

Clarke smirked. "You don't make sense, Bellamy Blake." She reached for his hand and their fingers wound together. "But somehow I understood that mess of a sentence."

"I knew you would."

It was hours after the ceremony, yet it seemed shorter to Clarke. The day had flown by. She always heard that weddings were the days that you spent the most money on, yet spent the least amount of time enjoying, and she had to admit there was some truth to that statement.

You know, disregarding the whole _not_ spending money on the wedding.

It felt like the day had gone by within the span of minutes, yet the sun had already set and most of her friends were already drunk.

She wasn't too surprised the night had gone quickly. After the ceremony, they had spent who knows how long on photos, and they had gone to the reception right after that. While the rest of the day hadn't been too expensive, she wished she could've said the same thing about the reception.

The funny thing was that they didn't even _need_ one. All they really needed was to sign a piece of paper. _Everything after that was mostly unnecessary._ Sure, she understood Octavia's logic, but she still had to admit that this was all a little extra.

She was glad it was being held at a reception hall of a hotel. She couldn't imagine cleaning up everything if they held it at Jasper and Monty's house like they originally planned. Plus, that meant not having to figure out catering for Octavia, so she jumped on board with the idea fairly easily.

All Clarke could think of in that moment was the fact that they were married – and had been for hours – but still had absolutely no time alone. _Not even for a second._ They had been surrounded by friends and family all day, which she was thankful for, but, at the same time, all she wanted was to be alone with her husband.

"I know I said I wanted a big reception, but this is torture," Bellamy said, his voice barely a whisper. Clarke had to strain to hear him over the music. "All I want to do is to be alone with you right now."

Clarke's heart rate picked up in that moment and her mouth went completely dry. Not only did he manage to take her words out of her mouth exactly, but knowing he was wanting the exact same things as her was thrilling.

"Is that all you want to do?" she asked coyly, her eyes snapping up to meet his. She could visibly see him swallow and she smirked at that. "I mean… We could always leave. You don't think people would notice, do you?" Bellamy gave her a look and she snorted. "Okay, I think I'm stretching it a little. I think they'd notice."

"Too bad. I'm sure we could've been stealthy."

"I'm sure." Somehow, the image of the bride and groom trying to escape their own wedding party was hilarious. There was nothing stealthy about a white dress at a wedding. "Octavia told us we had to wait until after the speeches," Clarke reminded him. His thumb ran over the back of her hand and goose bumps rose on her arm. "We only asked Octavia and Murphy to speak, and considering they've both had a lot to drink already, I don't think they're going to have long speeches."

Bellamy blew a piece of his hair away from his eyes. Clarke had to fight the urge to reach up and brush it away. "Thank the gods. I want out of this suit. I think it's trying to strangle me."

Clarke tilted her head to rest against his shoulder, her eyes shutting. She was happy in that moment and she wanted to savour that feeling. There was something so perfect about that moment – she wished she could've stayed in it forever.

She was surrounded by her friends and her family – both old and new. She married her best friend. The wedding went as smoothly as she could've imagined. And she had finally admitted that she was in love with him.

It was strange, how those words seemed like they were supposed to change something. It was even stranger that they didn't. Not really, at least.

Maybe it was because she had known for a while already, or maybe it was because they had been such good friends for so many years. The only thing that really changed was the fact they both signed a piece of paper, making them legally married.

When she looked at him, she didn't see someone any different than who she had seen two days ago or two weeks ago or two months ago. She seen _him._

She seen someone she cared for and loved. She seen her best friend.

It wasn't like she had just fallen in love with him earlier that day. _No._ She had fallen in love with him a long time ago. She had been viewing Bellamy in that way for so long that she hadn't even realized.

Being married to him wasn't that different. She didn't look at him and see someone different. She didn't _feel_ different. Maybe ecstatic and giddy, but that was to be expected. Her heart had been filled with love and joy for that whole day, but it was her wedding day, so she wasn't surprised by this either.

Her eyes drifted to the several tables in front of her. Most were already empty, with many of their friends already dancing. Abby and Kane sat together, the Jahas beside them, and a few of Abby's book club friends on the other side.

Monty, Harper, Jasper, Wells, Raven, Murphy, Emori, Octavia, and Lincoln were already on the dance floor. Monty had his arm wrapped securely around Harper's shoulders, while Raven and Wells held each other in an embrace and swayed side-to-side, despite it being an upbeat song.

Of course, others were scattered around the room, but she couldn't focus on them in that moment. Whether it be her cousins, or Bellamy's friends from university, or _whoever_ , she couldn't bring herself to really care.

All she cared about was her family; _new, old, and future._ All she cared about was her friends and the man she sat beside.

"How is your toe?" Bellamy asked after a moment, pulling back from their partial embrace. Clarke winced at the reminder.

Somehow, they both decided that _not_ practicing for their first dance was a good idea. Obviously, it wasn't. While they managed to dance somewhat decently, they both stepped on each other's toes more than once.

"It's fine," she promised him. He looked concern and she smiled wider, trying to show that she meant those words. His concern for her made her heart melt. "I'm serious, Bellamy. It's fine."

"I guess we should've practiced, huh?" Clarke snorted and leaned into his side further, more than content to sit there with him, surrounded by people that she loved.

Not even a minute later, Octavia caught her eye from across the room. She had her eyebrows lifted, as if she was prompting her to answer a question. _What was she doing?_ Clarke raised her eyebrows in response.

"What's your sister doing?" Clarke muttered, pulling out of his arms. Bellamy let out a short chuckle before shaking his head.

"Your guess is as good as mine. I never know what she's thinking and I practically raised her." Clarke watched as she left their group of friends on the dance floor and made her way towards the front of the room. "I guess we'll find out soon, huh?"

As Octavia made her way to the podium up front, the music died down and the lights were turned on once again. Clarke was amused when she seen Jasper glower in Octavia's direction.

It looked like she was headed for the microphone. Clarke was slightly terrified by this idea. Did she really want a drunk Octavia giving a speech about her and Bellamy in front of everyone she cared about?

"If I could have everyone's attention?" Octavia called, her voice amplified with a microphone.

It was too late to turn back now. What's the worst that could happen?

Well… it _could_ be bad, but she doubted Octavia would say anything too inappropriate up there. Plus, the sooner the speeches ended, the sooner she could unpin her hair and be just be with Bellamy.

"This will only take a moment and we can get on with the rest of the evening." She waited as the guests moved back to their seats.

Clarke's heart was racing once again. She really was worried about what Octavia planned to say. Even more so, she was dreading Murphy's speech. At least she knew it would be funny. That would be able to get her through the torture from embarrassment that was sure to come.

Once everyone was fairly settled, Octavia continued speaking. "As the maid of honour, I wanted to say a few words to the bride and groom." Her eyes flicked over to where she sat with Bellamy. "To my brother. _And_ my new sister." Clarke's heart clenched at that. Those were words she never heard before and it warmed her heart.

 _Family._ That was the reason her and Bellamy got married – it was to start a family. That theme kept coming back over and over during the last few weeks. _And here it was again._ She didn't just gain a family with Bellamy and Madi; she gained a family in Octavia, too.

"I'm lucky enough that you have no friends, Bellamy," she said, her tone teasing. Bellamy snorted at her light jibe. "It was because you had no friends that you let _me_ be your friend. Me; your annoying little sister." Her smile was soft. Bellamy had stilled at Clarke's side. "And because you let me be your friend, I was lucky enough to see you and Clarke over the last few years. I was lucky enough to be there as you two fell in love.

"I got to witness as the both of you found each other in life. I got to see how you two became friends and, overtime, that changed to something more. Not a lot of little sisters can say that they've been there to watch as her brother fell in love with his future-wife. _But I can._ And I think that's pretty damn cool.

"You raised me, Bellamy. You were the one to help teach me right from wrong. You were the one to teach me the ways of the world. In the process of it all, you sacrificed so much, and I know that." Her lips quirked up slightly. Clarke ran her thumb over the back of his hand. "I know this day isn't about me, but I just wanted to say how great it is to see you _happy._ You gave up so much for me and I'm just happy that you found someone to live life with that is a partner. I know Clarke is a good person. She's a person that you deserve to spend your life with; by being equal and never having to sacrifice as much as you did for me again.

"And, to Clarke, I'm happy to have you as a sister." She nodded her head, her throat feeling tight with her words. "I'm happy that I got to spend all this time with you over the last few weeks, planning your wedding. I'm happy that I've known you for years. I know you love Bellamy, just as he loves you. There's nobody else in the world I would want as part of our family." Clarke bit her lip to keep the tears at bay. Now it was Bellamy's turn to squeeze her hand and run his thumb over her knuckles.

Octavia continued speaking. "I've watched your relationship grow and change over the years, and I couldn't be happier with how it turned out. I love you, Bellamy. Congratulations."

Octavia smiled and lifted her glass, signalling the end of her speech. As soon as she stopped talking, Bellamy stood up. Without looking at him, Clarke knew he must've been feeling overwhelmed in that moment. Considering she had been filled with so much love and joy from her speech, she couldn't imagine how he was feeling. The Blake siblings had always been close and shared a special bond.

Bellamy took five large strides towards her, scooping her into his arms. Octavia hugged him back just as enthusiastically, her chin coming to rest on his shoulder.

In that moment, Clarke felt a million different emotions running through her, but, mainly, she felt so much affection for her new family.

"Thanks for going first, Octavia," Murphy said, having taken her place at the microphone. The two Blakes pulled apart at his words. Bellamy squeezed her shoulder before moving to sit beside Clarke once again. As they parted, Murphy continued to speak. "Now I have to live up to _that,_ which is damn near impossible." Octavia smirked at him and he rolled his eyes at her.

After Octavia took his seat at the table, he spoke. "I didn't really prepare a speech." Clarke snorted at that. _Typical Murphy_. "I know I was supposed to; Octavia wouldn't let me forget it." He cracked a large smile. "I wish I could share the chat history between me and Octavia right now. I don't think I've texted her more than five times in our lives before this wedding.

"Once, because I got lost on the way to Bellamy's birthday party. A second time, when I got lost on the way to Bellamy's graduation. A third time, when I was too drunk to remember where _I_ lived and I got lost. A fourth, when Emori had my phone and _she_ was lost. And, finally, a fifth time, where I used her phone to text mine because I lost it. Considering I've known her for years, it's safe to say we only text when it's absolutely necessary."

He sent her a cheeky grin. "Until these last two weeks, I guess. I probably have a hundred texts from you reminding me to write a speech for tonight. Another hundred, reminding me not to lose the damn rings. And… Well, you get the picture. I've never texted someone so much about _anything._ I can't imagine your chat history with the damn florists if this is what you've texted me." Murphy sent Octavia a teasing look. She didn't look too impressed, but Clarke could see the faintest hint of a smile. "It just goes to show how much you care about your brother and how much you cared about today. And… It went well, Octavia, and I'm sure it's thanks to you."

"This is surprisingly touching," Bellamy whispered to Clarke, his voice amused. While Bellamy might have been partially joking, Clarke had to agree with him. Those last few sentences were more deep than she was expecting.

"But, still, I didn't write anything." He turned to both of them. He looked unashamed by his lack of preparedness. Clarke found it funny. "I Googled it. The best man is supposed to embarrass the groom."

"Great." Bellamy leaned back in his seat, almost like he was preparing for the onslaught of comments. Clarke tried to hide her smirk.

"I have a lot of stories – good stories – about Bellamy, but I began to realize that they almost _all_ involve Clarke." Her smirk faded at that. She was hoping to get through the night without being completely embarrassed by her friends, but that looked impossible. In a strange way, she was okay with that. "I swear, these two are inseparable. And if one is doing something embarrassing, the other is right there beside them.

"For example, let's all remember New Years Eve of 2012. I don't remember who decided this would be a good idea, but _one of you_ decided to go tobogganing in the streets that year. It would've been a good idea if you both weren't drunk and dressed for the party. As in, you didn't bring your coats." Clarke remembered this story well. At least Murphy picked a tame one to share. "I'll spare everyone a few detail, but that adventure ended with the both of you drenched and freezing, blocks away from the rest of us. You two ended up taking the wrong shuttle to the _wrong_ side of the city after that. I never would've guessed both of you – two of the smartest people I know – would think taking the shuttle headed south would bring you back to my place, which was _north._

"Somehow, you guys decided it would be a smart idea to stay the night at that one really weird hotel, rather than trying to get back home. Your phones were dead. You didn't have anymore fare for another shuttle. _Whatever_. Long story short, the rest of us thought they were abducted by aliens or died or something, so we ended up calling Abby." Clarke risked a glance to the table where her mother sat. Surprisingly, she looked amused by the story. For what felt like the tenth time that day, her mother surprised her.

"I don't think I'll ever forget the look on her face when Clarke finally picked up her phone the next morning, and I don't think I'll ever forget how bright Clarke blushed later that day." Murphy smirked. "I know this story isn't really embarrassing, but I don't think I'd live much longer if I told the long version. Trust me, I'm leaving out the best details."

 _The best details._ Clarke laughed at that. The only details he was missing was how they spent their remaining cash on a pizza, officially stranding them across the city. The heater was broken, making their hotel room hotter than any room should ever be. The only remotely embarrassing thing was them filling the bathtub with ice water and taking turns trying to cool down.

 _Why they didn't just walk outside was beyond her._

So, really, the story wasn't embarrassing at all. It was one of the hundreds of memories she had with Bellamy. They'd been through a lot together. They'd had a lot of adventures.

"But, really, I can think of a few times where Bellamy embarrassed himself without Clarke. He reminded me not too long ago of our rock girlfriends at another wedding." He feigned surprise. " _Oh shit._ Wait. I'm wrong. Clarke was there, too."

Murphy paused briefly, letting the laughs die down. "I'm kidding, really. I can honestly think of many memories with each of you individually. That's one thing I've always admired about your relationship; how you two can be so strong as individuals, and still can be such a great team." Clarke was thrown by his openness. Even with alcohol in his system, he was never this open. "You two have such a good balance with each other. For years, I've watched you two put the other first – prioritizing each other above so many things. But I've also seen how you two are your own people. I think that's what makes you two so strong.

"Bellamy, you've been one of my closest friends ever since you punched me for stealing Octavia's swing on the playground. Clarke, you've been a friend of mine ever since you told me off about borrowing your pens and never returning them in high school.

"While I'll never be as close to the both of you as Octavia is, I will say this. I've had to suffer for _years_ with you two. You two are the most oblivious and stubborn people I know – which is saying something, since I know Raven." Raven gave him the middle finger from the audience, which he seemed to be amused by. Clarke could see a smile on Raven's face, letting her know that she was joking as well. "Even _I_ could tell you two were into each other. _Years ago._ Me. _Me._ I hope you two realize how embarrassing it is that I figured something out about the two of you before you did.

"I'm just glad you two finally realized you were into each other. All I wish is that you two figured it out sooner because, let me tell you, the sexual tension and the flirting was something I've had to live with for years. It'll honestly be weird being around the two of you without that."

He smiled widely at the two of them. "I hope I embarrassed you both enough. But, in all honesty, you both know I love you and I'm happy for you. You're both good people that deserve each other."

Somehow, the speech was classic Murphy. He managed to be more heartfelt than what she originally anticipated, but he was still kind of an asshole.

With that, he stepped away from the microphone, his glass already pressed to his lips. As he passed by the two of them, Clarke spotted the smirk he was trying to hide behind his cup.

"You're an ass," she told him, her tone affectionate. He seemed to smile wider at that.

"You really know how to compliment me, don't you?" Murphy wrapped his arm around her for a partial hug. Clarke let out a short bark of laughter. Murphy wasn't usually one to be physically affectionate, but she enjoyed it in that moment. "I hope I embarrassed the two of you."

"Somehow, I think your speech was longer than Octavia's. It makes me think you actually care." Bellamy pulled Murphy in for a hug next.

"Mm. Well, let me remind you that it was _me_ who didn't lose the rings. Not her. I was the one to keep them safe." He pulled away from the hug with Bellamy. His teasing expression disappeared. "You guys had a good wedding?"

"The best."

"Good, good." He glanced behind Clarke, his eyes suddenly lighting up. "I see my beautiful girlfriend is waving me over to the food. Papa can't say no to food. I'll see you two later."

Clarke wrinkled her nose. "Never call yourself Papa again." Murphy gave her a thumbs up. She wasn't too sure what he meant.

With that, Murphy slipped between the two of them and headed towards the back wall. Clarke's eyes followed him. She wasn't surprised to see the rest of her friends already at the food table.

As soon as Murphy was out of earshot, Clarke turned to Bellamy once again, a coy smile on her lips. "I believe the deal was that we had to stay until the speeches and then we would be free to leave."

"I like the way you think, Mrs. Griffin-Blake." Bellamy stood up from his chair, his hand already reaching for hers. "Ready to go?"

"Let's go."

* * *

 **The first part of this chapter is focused more on Bellamy, which was something I haven't done in a long time. This half of the chapter was actually from an early draft of the wedding ceremony (he was supposed to interact with Madi before the ceremony). That may explain the choppiness!**

 **I've probably mentioned this before somewhere (I always manage to work it in somewhere), but Murphy is one of my favourite characters to write, so I had to work something from him in here. He's always fun to write.**

 **Also, shout out to the line "He managed to be more heartfelt than what she originally guessed, but he was still kind of an asshole" because I originally typed it as "touching with a dash of ass" at 3AM and when I was editing I started crying I was laughing so hard. I hope someone else laughs at how ridiculous this sentence is. I had to change it because I couldn't read this full chapter without laughing.**

 **Two more chapters left, but the next chapter is the last official chapter. The 15th chapter is an epilogue of sorts, because I couldn't help myself.**

 **Thanks for the wonderful feedback on the last chapter. I really struggled with these last four chapters so hearing such positive feedback was so helpful. Thank you all for reading and for reviewing!**


	14. Chapter 14: The Escape

**Once again, thank you for the wonderful feedback on the last few chapters! I can't believe this is the last chapter! Just the epilogue to go after this!**

 **Just a disclaimer before this chapter even starts. This fic doesn't include smut and I've kept everything to a teen rating. I will admit that this chapter includes more physical affection than other chapters, but I still feel like it qualifies as teen. (As always, if there are any disagreements there, feel free to reach out to me and I'll be happy to discuss/adjust the rating if needed)!**

 **Warnings: coarse language, suggestive content, mentions of alcohol and alcohol consumption**

 **A huge thank you goes to eyessharpweaponshot on Tumblr for pre-reading this chapter. I was so worried about it, so thank you for constantly being there to reassure me!**

* * *

 **Chapter 14: The Escape**

* * *

Clarke risked a glance over her shoulder, glancing back into the hall they rented. Her friends were all chatting with each other, completely oblivious to the missing couple. She knew they wouldn't be unaware of their disappearance forever, but she knew they wouldn't mind too much.

"Octavia!" Bellamy hissed out his sister's name when he saw her walking only a few feet away from them. The young Blake stopped mid-step, turning to face the two of them. She raised her eyebrow, but had a small smirk on her face.

"Yes?"

Bellamy didn't bother telling her to wipe that expression off her face. Both him and Clarke knew it would've only made her smile wider. "We're heading out now. Can you thank everyone again for coming?"

Octavia didn't say anything, but her smile grew wider. "Sure." She wiggled her eyebrows. Clarke snorted at her teasing. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Bellamy smiled – his was more genuine than his sister's. "Of course."

Octavia winked at Clarke. "Have a good night."

"You're a child," Bellamy pointed out, his voice dry. Octavia looked cheeky and Bellamy looked amused. "Thanks for everything, O."

"Anything for you," she said, her voice softer than it was only a moment ago. "But go. Before someone sees you two trying to sneak out." Octavia shooed both of them out of the hall and into the hallway. They didn't need much encouraging to leave.

As soon as they stepped into the hall, Clarke winced from the bright lights. Her eyes were so adjusted to the dark room they had spent hours in. Her ears rang slightly, from the intensity of the music inside the hall. Her skin was hot and sticky from the hours she spent dancing with her friends. Her feet hurt despite having ditched her heels hours ago.

Still, she couldn't stop smiling. She turned to Bellamy and her heart skipped a beat when she seen a similar smile on his face. _And gods, he looked good._ His hair was messy and his cheeks were slightly flushed from the hours of dancing. Somehow during the evening, the top buttons of his suit had come undone and his tie was loosened around his neck. He held his suit jacket in the arm that wasn't wrapped around her shoulders.

She seemed to get lost in him. She felt all the breath get knocked from her lungs as they stood together in the middle of the hallway. Her hand curled around his forearm and a soft smile lifted her lips. That's all the was needed to break both of them from their spell.

"Did you want to say bye to your mom?" Bellamy asked after a moment, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. Her eyes travelled down to his lips for a brief moment, before she forced herself to pull them back to his eyes.

She smiled thinly. She hoped she didn't look as distracted by his lips as she felt. "Nope."

His face suddenly became serious, as if he could tell that her smile in that moment wasn't genuine. _Of course_ he did. Bellamy had always been able to read her like one of his history textbooks.

"We don't have to leave if you don't want to," he offered, thinking that was what was bothering her.

 _Gods,_ he was so far off the mark. She'd been wanting to leave for hours. All she wanted to do was be with him.

She lifted her eyebrows and pressed into his side a little more. "Trust me, I'm more than happy to call it a night. I don't think I've slept in days, I've been so worried about everything."

 _That_ and she was excited to spend time alone with Bellamy. Being surrounded by people that she loved all day was great, but she really just wanted to spend the rest of the evening with her best friend.

 _Her husband._

She felt a wave of love fill her chest by just thinking those words. She doubted they would grow old anytime soon.

Bellamy's expression darkened slightly with Clarke's words. "Same here. Things were tense." She felt bad for making him worry. _If only they had talked through things earlier._ His lips lifted the slightest bit and her heart fluttered. Gods, wasn't illegal for him to look this good? "I couldn't get you off my mind." He moved forward and she fell in-line beside him.

As they walked through the lobby of the hotel towards the elevator, Clarke couldn't take her eyes off Bellamy. Her heart was thumping wildly in her chest and _all she wanted to do was kiss him._

Considering they were married, it was freaking weird that they only kissed a handful of times before. Once, when they were practicing. A second time, after their impromptu food fight. A third, during the ceremony. The rest, she lost track of throughout the day.

 _But they weren't enough._ Those ones spread between the ceremony and that moment weren't enough. They were soft kisses, like they were teenagers again, experiencing kissing for the first time. Of course, they weren't nearly as awkward or messy as those ones, but they weren't laced with passion and fire like they usually were when they were kissing.

She wanted that fire. She wanted that passion. _She wanted him._ His gentle creases and soft smiles. _Gods,_ he was a good kisser. Just thinking of kissing him again made her legs weak and mind fuzzy.

Kissing was easy with him – it was so natural, so familiar and so safe, yet so thrilling and new at the same time. She wasn't one for clear contradictions, but she felt like it was the only way to describe kissing Bellamy.

As they walked through the lobby, several strangers smiled in their direction. Her white dress was a dead give away that they were just married. _But she paid them no attention_. Her eyes were locked on Bellamy's face, the buzzing in her veins accompanying a soft flutter of her heart.

Gods, she wanted to kiss him.

Clarke hit the button to the elevators and stood back, moving so she was resting against the side of his body. His thumb stroked her arm absentmindedly. Bellamy leaned down and pressed a brief kiss to the crown of her head.

Such a sweet and simple gesture managed to light her skin on fire.

Her eyes closed and she swallowed thickly. He made her feel alive.

When the elevator opened, Clarke stepped out of his arms again, frowning from the cold that hit her skin. Somehow, Bellamy always managed to be warm. She could spend the next few days wrapped in his arms and she wouldn't ever complain.

They were the only ones in the elevator when the doors closed behind them. As she reached forward to press the button to the floor their room was located, Bellamy's arms wrapped around her waist, bringing her towards his chest. She let out a breathless laugh and turned around, suddenly feeling giddy once again. It was like bubbles had filled her body; she felt lighter than air.

She rocked forward and pressed her lips against his for entirely too brief of a moment. All she wanted to do was knot her fingers into his hair and feel his hands along her body. Having restraint seemed impossible in that moment.

She pulled back after a sweet moment, another breathless laugh tumbling from her lips. He looked down at her, his eyes partially closed and his lips parted the slightest bit. He locked eyes with her and the corners of his lips twitched into a smile. It took everything in her to keep herself from closing the few inches between them for another kiss.

"You're amazing," he mumbled, his lips barely moving. Her thumb ran across his jaw and her fingers gently tangled with his curls.

"Oh, really?" she teased, leaning back from him the slightest bit. Bellamy's lips twitched upwards into a bigger smile.

"Really."

She could tell the elevator was approaching their floor by the way her legs felt heavier. She took a full step away from Bellamy and reached her hand forward. Without hesitation, his hand moved to meet hers.

"I could say the same about you," she pointed out. "I could say a lot about you."

"You could," he agreed. The doors opened and they stepped through. Clarke let Bellamy lead their way through the hallways. "You already said a lot about me today."

"I did," she said. "I could say a lot more though." She squeezed his hand. "I never even talked about how funny you are. Or how nerdy. Or how you always wreck me at Pictionary, even though your art is maxed out at stick figures."

"It's not about the detail. It's about the subtle clues," he butted in, his tone teasing. They both knew Clarke sucked at Pictionary, which was hilarious to them since she did art as a hobby.

"I never talked about how wild you are when you're drunk. Or how soft you can be, too. It depends on _what_ you've been drinking," she pointed out. One thing was for sure – Bellamy was always kind and light and lovable when he drank. "And I never talked about how good you are at kissing. Or how cheesy you are on dates."

"We need more dates," he pointed out, cutting Clarke off again. "We've only been on the one. And that wasn't even official."

It was amusing to find out Clarke considered their non-date to be a date too. They were a mess.

"We have the rest of our lives, if we really want," she pointed out. That thought sent a wave of joy through her. "We'll have plenty of time for dates."

"Good." He slowed walking and she moved to his side once again. "I have every intention of dating you for a _long_ time, even if you're my wife."

"Mmmm, I'm happy with that," she said, her voice suddenly sounding weak and breathless. He flashed her a smirk that made her heart race. _Gods,_ he knew exactly what he was doing to her. She could see it in the way he smirked every few seconds. He knew his smiles made her heart race and her knees go week.

 _Damn him and his gorgeous smiles._

But she had no intentions of complaining. She would happily melt every few seconds if it meant she would see his smile over and over.

Bellamy unlocked the door to the room they had stopped at and flicked on the lights. She trailed in behind him, her eyes glancing over the room quickly.

It wasn't anything luxurious, but neither of them wanted that. A small hallway led directly towards the large single room. Her eyes were instantly drawn to the single king bed, which was pushed to the wall with the window, leaving a large space for a couch, a coffee table, and a wooden dresser with a television.

She smiled when she seen her backpack in the corner of the room. She assumed Octavia or Raven must've packed a change of clothes for her sometime over the last two weeks. She seen a similar bag for Bellamy beside hers. _Gods, she had such good friends._

Bellamy walked forward and dropped his suit jacket onto the couch. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and pulled out the second key to the hotel room, along with both of their cell phones. As he emptied his pockets, she shut the door behind them.

"I can't wait to get out of this stupid thing," Bellamy grumbled, tugging his tie up and over his head. He threw it on the couch beside his jacket. He glanced at her, a partial smile on his face. "I can't begin to imagine what you feel like. You've been in a dress all day."

"I'm just thankful Raven was smart enough to tell me to bring a second pair of shoes for the reception." She kicked off her white flats at the door. She couldn't imagine how much pain her feet would be in if she stayed in heels all evening like she originally planned to.

Along the media console, Clarke caught sight of a tiny radio. Without thinking twice, she moved to it and flicked it on. She could feel Bellamy's gaze on her as she adjusted the station. When she heard music that was semi-enjoyable, she set it back down and turned to him.

"More dancing?" he asked, clearly amused. "We just danced for hours."

"And I could dance for hours more." While that wasn't exactly the truth, she didn't mind stretching it a little in that moment. She had an irresistible urge to dance with her husband again. This time, nobody's toes would get squished.

 _Hopefully._

Clarke walked over to where Bellamy stood, her heart racing. Almost as if it was something they had done a hundred times before, he opened his arms and she slipped into them. His hands settled against her waist and hers found their way to the back of his neck.

As always, his hair called to her. She couldn't stop herself from running her fingers through it. Unlike before, they only swayed to the music gently. She knew it was cheesy, but _it was her damn wedding night._ Wasn't she allowed to imagine that her life was a romance movie?

Although, being married to Bellamy wouldn't be too far off of that. If their marriage was going to be anything similar to their friendship, she had a feeling they'd have their fair share of moments like this. Bellamy Blake was the softest man she had ever known.

When her head rested against his chest, she sighed in content. His lips pressed against her head once again and they stilled.

"I love you," he mumbled, his lips brushing against her hair.

"I love you."

She didn't know how long they stood in that, wrapped in each other's arms, completely oblivious to anything else, but she was content. Even though her heart was pounding in her chest, she couldn't escape the feelings of adoration and peace that came with standing with him. _Her husband._

"We don't have to do anything tonight," he said after several minutes. Her heart raced. "Have sex, I mean," he clarified. _Gods,_ all she could think about for the last hour was having sex with him. "I get it." He pulled back from their embrace met her eyes. "I know we both decided this is for real and that we wanted to try us, and I know we're married and a typical wedding night involves-"

Clarke rocked forward and pressed a brief kiss to his lips. He returned it eagerly. _That_ was the passion she was craving earlier. His lips seemed to light a fire in her veins. When she pulled back, she locked eyes with him. "You're right. We don't have to." Her fingers brushed against the palm of his hand. "But I want to. If you do too."

He moved forward and pressed his lips to hers abruptly, sending her stumbling back a single step. As soon as she caught her footing, she pushed forward again, pressing herself to his chest. His arm wound around her back, locking her in place. Her hands moved to the back of his head, tangling around the curls.

When they pulled back, her chest was heaving and a coy smile lifted her lips. "I take that as a yes, then?"

"Yes." He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "Of fucking course."

Her lips found his again. His hand moved up her back and ghosted along the skin at the back of her neck. Goose bumps erupted all over her body and she squirmed.

Still, she managed to crack her eyes open and reply. "Good." Her voice was wispy from all of the emotions he sent crashing through her body.

She really wanted to kiss him and feel him and _be_ with him in that moment. _And gods,_ she was stuck in a damn dress and her hair was practically glued to her head from all the pins.

Before she allowed herself to kiss or be kissed by Bellamy again, she took a step backwards. He pouted playfully when she moved out of his arms. She wanted to kiss that pout.

Clarke pulled a bobby pin from her hair and tossed it to the table. Bellamy's frown disappeared when he realized what she was doing. Instead, he watched her with an intense gaze. She felt like she was on fire from it. She pulled out another pin and tossed that as well. She found it only slightly amusing when none of her hair moved out of place. It was her turn to frown.

Seeing her unamused expression, Bellamy moved towards her. "I'll help." She met his gaze. His eyes had lost that intensity from earlier, being replaced with tenderness. "It'll be easier for me to do it – I can see all the pins."

Clarke didn't need him to convince her. The one thing she wanted more than him in this moment was to free her hair. Plus, the idea of Bellamy running his hands through her hair as he undid the work Raven did was tempting.

She spun around to face the opposite wall, giving him easy access to the back of her head. She could feel him step towards her, her back feeling the body heat he radiated. All she wanted to do was take a step backwards and be in his arms.

His fingers moved to the back of her hair, his touches gentle. Her eyes fluttered shut as he gently tugged the pins from her hair, with his fingers brushing against the nape of her neck and her scalp every so often. His touches were feather light, but she could still feel them. She craved them.

Gods, he made her heart feel like it was going to burst. He was gentle and had always been. He had more love and care in his heart than any other person she had met. He always made sure he was being kind and fair. He always treated others with fairness and respect. _And he was always tender and gentle with her._

Even when they were rolling around the floor, their bodies nearly fused to each other, he managed to be tender. _The way his hands creased her, the way he looked at her, the way he held her._

The bobby pins kept clattering to the table and Clarke had to wonder how many of the damn things Raven used while pinning her hair up.

The first piece that came loose caused Bellamy's hands to still. She could feel him reach for it, twirling it around his finger. She fought a shiver that raced up her spine.

"I didn't know hair could be ticklish," he commented, his voice low. Clarke turned her head slightly, catching sight of him out of the corner of her eye. He had a cocky grin on his face.

"You're torturing me," she commented. _At least he got to see and touch her_. Meanwhile, all she had to stare at was the wall and feel his fingertips ghost along her skin.

She wanted to be in his arms. She wanted to feel his skin under the palms of her hands. She wanted to taste him on her lips. _This was driving her wild._

Bellamy snorted and continued to pull the pins from her hair. Bit by bit, she could feel pieces of her hair coming loose and moving to sit along her back once again.

Finally, after what felt like it could've been hours, she could feel the final piece of her hair fall to her neck. Bellamy tossed the bobby pin to the coffee table, joining the rest of the discarded pins.

Before Clarke could turn around to see him, she could feel his fingers at her neck once again. She sucked in a sharp breath from the unexpected contact, but her eyes fluttered closed at the warmth they brought her.

He parted her hair in two and pushed both halves over her shoulders, leaving the back of her neck exposed to the air once more. Gingerly, he placed a soft kiss at the point where her neck met with her shoulders.

A shiver flew through her body and she clenched her jaw. _Enough was enough._

Clarke spun around in his arms, her lips crashing into his. While his one hand managed to hold onto her waist, the other found its way to her freshly released hair. His hand cupped the side of her face, making her knees go weak. His touches were so gentle that it made her heart ache.

Her own hands worked their way up his chest and across his shoulders. While one hand stayed collapsed on his bicep, her other hand found its way to the back of his head, once again finding a home amongst the curls. She couldn't get enough of his hair in that moment.

Their kisses were soft and sweet, which just made her heart ache even more for him. They were firm and sure, yet held such care that it felt like she was melting.

But she wanted more of him – _needed_ more of him. Bellamy seemed to feel the same way; she could feel his hand tightening around her waist, pulling her body tighter to his. Her teeth grazed along his bottom lip lightly, testing him ever so slightly.

The soft kisses slowly turned into deeper ones. His hand travelled lower on her body, his fingers flexing around her hips. Her fingernails scratched lightly against the skin on the back of his neck, causing a soft noise to escape his mouth. And when her fingers intended to go lower, to run down, she managed a small pout between kisses when she was stopped by his shirt.

"You okay?" His eyes snapped open when he felt her pout against his lips. He caught her eye and Clarke feels her chest warm as soon as she noticed the concern in his eyes.

That was her Bellamy – always concerned for others, always making sure she was safe and comfortable.

"I'm perfect." Her hands moved from the back of his neck to the front of his shirt, her fingers dragging towards the top button. She unbuttoned it with ease, her eyes never leaving his. Her heart was racing in her chest. _Gods,_ this was ridiculous. She'd seen him shirtless more times than she could count – what the hell was going on with her body? "You?"

"Perfect." She could see him swallow thickly. She tried to hide her smirk by pressing a soft kiss to the side of his jaw. Her fingers continued to work on the buttons of his shirt. "You know, you're going to have to help me with your damn dress," he mumbled, his hands tightening around her body once more.

She smirked against his jaw. "It's just a hidden zipper," she promised him. She pulled back from his jaw, a teasing smile on her face. Before she could utter another word, his lips were on hers again.

His mouth was open and her teeth were on his lips again. Gods, she didn't know how it happened, but she managed to undo the last of his buttons. Her hands ran up his bare chest and over his shoulders, helping him push the damn material to the floor.

He was warmer than she expected, but she really should've known better. _Bellamy was always warm._

His hands left their place on her waist and moved to the top of her dress, searching for the zipper hidden behind folds of the fabric. She felt the cold air of the room rush against her back as the zipper was dragged downwards, sending goose bumps across her skin.

Without breaking their kiss, she let the white dress fall to the floor, joining Bellamy's discarded shirt. His hands were on her waist again, sending a jolt through her. It was a different sensation, feeling the palms of his hands against her almost-bare skin. She still had a slip on, separating her skin from his hands. She wanted it gone.

His teeth pulled at her lip and a jolt went up her spine. Her fingernails dug into his shoulders ever so slightly in response. A moan got trapped between the two of them, eliciting a smirk from Clarke. When he felt her smile, he pulled back the slightest bit, his eyes locking on hers.

"You're cocky," he pointed out, his voice raspy. It made her want to kiss him even more.

"I am," she said.

And with that, his lips were on hers. The momentum of their kiss sent her stumbling backwards a few steps. Right before her legs hit the back of the bed, they broke apart and he flipped them around, sending him tumbling to the mattress.

Anticipating the fall, he managed to catch and right himself before Clarke could follow him. She managed to fall into his lap, a breathless laugh left her lips. Before either of them could comment, their lips were joined again.

Her hands grasped onto his shoulders, steadying herself between him. His hands made their way to the sides of her face. It was familiar – a perfect replica of all their other kisses. He always seemed to want to cup her face and crease her cheek as they kissed and it sent a shiver down her spine.

 _While they were all teeth and panting and frantic everywhere else, he managed to keep a soft hold on her._

Fire was coursing through her veins. Every touch and every kiss from Bellamy was so sweet, yet it set her alight all the same. How could a single person do that to her? How could he set her on fire, yet sooth all of her aches at the same time?

When they broke apart for air, his lips found their way towards her throat. She could feel him smiling against her skin as she let out a stifled groan. His cockiness made it even better.

She tipped her head towards the sky, giving him more access to her flushed skin. As he moved to press his open mouth against her collarbone, her hands slipped up to crease the sides of his face, her thumb running across his jaw. His hand dipped lower, coming to rest against the side of her throat. His thumb pressed against her neck; his hold was stronger than before, but still was one filled with so much tenderness and care.

He was such a good kisser. The air felt like it had been sucked from her lungs. Her head felt like it was filled with fog. All she could feel was him. All she could think of was him.

 _And she was happy._ She was content. Being in his arms – being kissed by him and loved by him – was beautiful.

She had been scared of losing herself in this marriage – of letting logic get away from her; of getting so caught up with the excitement of a wedding that she would lose sight of who she really was. She was scared this wasn't going to be real. But, sitting in his arms, she was sure this was it.

 _This was real_.

She knew that because she didn't just _start_ loving him with the wedding approaching. _No._ She started loving him a long time ago.

 _And she wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon._

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 **I never write anything this suggestive, so that was one challenge for me. One thing I really wanted to do with this fic was try new things and push my writing, so I felt like was a perfect opportunity. I hope it was too terrible to read! I had no idea how to write this and I freely admit that haha!**

 **A huge thank you goes out to everyone who has favourited, followed, or reviewed this fic. You all make my day!**

 **Thank you for reading this fic! I can't believe it's coming to a close already. It's been a fun month a half of writing and editing!**


	15. Chapter 15: The Future

**Wow. I can't believe this is the last chapter! I'm so excited to share it with everyone and finish this fic. I absolutely adored writing this fic so I'll be sad to see it end, but I'm also so excited to mark this as complete!**

 **This is a really short chapter and is an epilogue. Please note the date at the top of the chapter (the amount of time that has passed is also mentioned in the chapter).**

 **I hope you enjoy the final chapter!**

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 **Chapter 15: The Future**

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 _December 14_

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When Clarke woke up that morning, it wasn't to the smell of pancakes, or from the clang of a frying pan hitting the side of the oven; it wasn't from cream being dropped on the floor, or from the front door shutting; it wasn't from her alarm on her phone, or from the sun hitting her in the eyes.

She woke up to hair tickling her nose.

Even as she was pulled from sleep, she couldn't complain. She felt well rested and content. After all, it wasn't _her_ hair that had brushed across her face, making her want to sneeze. It was Bellamy's hair, and she would never be able to complain about that. _Gods,_ she loved his hair.

It was a regular occurrence that Clarke woke up in Bellamy's arms after they were married. She couldn't guess how many times she woke up with him still beside her, their legs tangled under the covers. Of course, they always went to sleep beside each other, she never expected that they would wake up beside each other most times. All of their time spent as roommates consisted of him being up early every morning, making breakfast, as she repeatedly hit _snooze._

Simply put, she was a night owl and he was an early bird.

Her favourite days were the ones where they would wake up beside each other, neither of them in a rush to do anything. _Like today._

These days didn't happen often; usually one of them was up before the other (and usually that person was Bellamy) and the other would wake up with a cold spot beside them on the mattress. She had every intention of savouring days like today.

She could happily spend hours with him in bed. It was nice having him with her under the covers, fighting off the chill in the air. Ever since the first snow fall, all she wanted was to be wrapped in a blanket at all times. More specifically, all she wanted was to be wrapped up _with him_ under the blankets.

As always, his arm was securely wrapped around her torso, his palm pushed up against the bare skin of her side from where her shirt had ridden up during the night. Her back was pressed flush against his chest, sending warmth radiating through her. Their legs had somehow gotten tangled together during the night with her ankle hooked around one of his. It didn't seem like it should be comfortable, but it was.

She could feel him taking even, slow and shallow breaths. _He was still asleep._

She shifted slightly, moving her face away from his stray curl. Her body changed the dip of the mattress, causing Bellamy's hold around her waist to tighten the slightest bit. His breathing hitched and Clarke cringed slightly. She didn't want to wake him up.

Well, it was too late now. She could tell he was stirring. Gods, how did he ever sleep at night if all it took was her to shift for him to wake up?

 _Screw it._ If he was almost up anyways, there wasn't really a point in staying still. She shifted more, flipping around so that they were nose-to-nose. His arms tightened around her back, pulling her tighter into his chest. His breath washed over her face. Her hand came up to rest against his chest. She could feel his heart beating beneath her palm. It was calming.

Her heart flipped in her chest. _She loved him._

She smiled softly as she examined his sleeping features. She found herself doing this often when she managed to be the first one awake in the mornings, which was rare. He was always so peaceful and calm while he was asleep and it warmed her heart. She always thought that he worried too much during the day – he deserved a break when he was sleeping. She always hoped his dreams would be good, allowing him to continuously find peace with them.

His forehead was smoothed. Usually, when he was awake, his brows would be pushed together as he thought. That morning, he wore a tiny smile on his lips. He looked happy and peaceful. She was tempted to move forward an inch to kiss his smiling lips.

 _Six months_. It was December already and they had been married for over six months. _And it was good._ Beyond good, actually. She couldn't really describe it; not because it wasn't fantastic, but because she couldn't begin to put the words to everything.

It was like describing a colour. _It was impossible_. How would someone describe the colour red without using that word? How would someone describe what that colour looked like to someone who had never seen it before?

Her relationship with Bellamy felt like it. It was a tangled mess of feelings and love and emotion and warmth. It was a beautiful mess, but still a mess. It felt like a daunting task to begin to describe it. Even then, she doubted that her words would be able to convey everything.

Being in love with Bellamy was like sitting on the beach. She was constantly surrounded by warmth – his love, his compassion, his kindness. The noises were so calming; the lapping of the water on the shore, the call of the sea birds as they flew through the air, the breeze moving through the trees. That was like his presence; he was always so soothing and calming.

Even in her own mind, she didn't make sense.

Loving him was like coming home from a long day at work. Loving him was like taking the first sip of hot chocolate of the winter. Loving him was like stepping on the first crisp leaf on the ground during autumn. Loving him was like smelling candy apples at the carnival.

It was beautiful and indescribable. It was warm and _right._ It felt like her love for him resonated in her soul.

"Mmmmm." Bellamy's eyes cracked open and his lips lifted further. She loved his smile. Then again, she could probably say that about all of his features. _She loved his lips. She loved his eyes. She loved his hair._ She loved him. "Good morning."

"Good morning," she responded. Bellamy blinked his eyes a few times and she watched with a partial smile, giving him time to wake up. She could see him becoming more and more awake as the seconds passed.

Finally, he turned to her, a lopsided smile on his face. "You're up before me?"

"Not a common occurrence," she agreed. She closed the space between them, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips – one which he eagerly returned. His arm tightened around her waist, fully embracing her.

When they pulled away, Clarke had a silly smile on her face. Bellamy watched in silence as she reached up and brushed his brown curls away from his eyes. Her touch lingered on them, relishing in the softness.

"You're gorgeous," she told him. It wasn't the first time she told him these words and it wouldn't be the last. Good looking didn't even begin to describe Bellamy Blake. "And I love you."

He hummed in content and pressed another soft kiss to her lips. When they parted, he settled in beside her, his eyes drifting shut once again.

It was funny. She could recall their conversation they had in bed six months ago with such clarity. It was almost like it happened yesterday. Time had passed so quickly that it could've very well been yesterday.

 _"_ _We'll get married."_

 _"_ _What? Bellamy, no. I can't ask you for this. That's not fair for you."_

 _"_ _I want this, Clarke. A family. We could be a family. I never thought I would want one so soon, but this is it. I always believed that I would know something is right when I see it, and this is just one of those things. I know it's right. I know it's what I want."_

 _"_ _But you're throwing away your life."_

 _"_ _I'm not throwing out my life with this decision. I'm making a change to it; a huge one. But I want it. I really want it. I want a family. Our family, Clarke; Madi, you, and me."_

It didn't take much to convince her. She could still feel the words on her lips. _A family._ Their family. As soon as he spoke it, she knew that was what she wanted.

She never would've thought that she would want to adopt a daughter with Bellamy Blake, but there she was.

 _"_ _A family."_

 _"_ _I want this if you do."_

 _"_ _I do."_

 _"_ _Then, let's get married."_

She never would've thought that those words would be spoken between the two of them. She never would've thought that Bellamy would offer or she would expect. She never would've thought that this moment would've sparked _everything_ over the next two weeks.

She had loved him for years, but she never realized until the weeks leading up to their wedding.

 _Their agreement. Planning their wedding. Ring shopping. Feeling butterflies in her stomach. Telling their friends and her mother. Feeling like her body was set alight by his touches. Practicing kissing for the ceremony. Their night spent on their non-date; eating, and photos, and walking after the sun had set. Feeling like her heart could combust from all the affection she felt towards him. Falling asleep together on the couch, bumping into each other in the morning. Feeling overwhelmed because_ that _was most definitely not part of the plan. Kissing him more times than she would've liked to admit._

She didn't fall in love with him during those weeks, but she had become more aware of it. It was terrifying and exhilarating.

And, of course, the wedding, and the months that followed. Summer had turned to autumn, and autumn had turned to winter, but she still loved him just as much as she did during their wedding day.

She was feeling reminiscent. She couldn't help herself; today was a day she had been waiting for for a long time.

"Did you expect things would turn out this way?" Clarke asked suddenly. Her voice seemed too loud for the silence that had shrouded them.

Bellamy cracked his eyes open. He didn't need to ask for clarification; he knew exactly what she was talking about. "No." His gaze flicked to the ceiling. "When I asked you to marry me, I had no idea it would turn out like this."

"Oh, you didn't?" she asked, her voice teasing. Bellamy smirked, already sensing the tone of her voice. "I predicted it from the very start, you know."

"Did you?" he questioned, his voice just as teasing as hers. Clarke was thankful that they didn't lose their banter when they got married. _They didn't lose anything._ They only _gained_ with their marriage.

"How could you _not_ know that we both loved each other for years, but both had been repressing and ignoring our feelings because we didn't want to hurt each other?" Saying it out loud like that made it sound more ridiculous than it was.

"Oh, right." Bellamy joined in on the teasing and she loved it. "I totally predicted that I'd end up realizing I'm in love with you, but never act on it because I didn't want to risk anything with Madi or our marriage."

"And I predicted the same thing. Promise." Bellamy snorted and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of her mouth. "But, seriously, I don't think I ever would've predicted _this_ was where we would be." _Married to her best friend and roommate, completely and utterly in love with him._

"You know, I hope you know I wouldn't have agreed to marry you if it was anyone else," Bellamy pointed out, his smile light. Clarke's heart felt light. "I know, on that first day, we said that we would do this as friends. I said I would do this because I cared about you and I loved you and I wanted a family." He glanced back at her. It made her happy to know he remembered their conversation as well as she did. "And it was true. I was never lying. I do love you. I did want to do this because I wanted a family. But, looking back, I was an idiot. Of course, I was in love with you." He smirked, looking amused with something. "I care about other people and I love our friends, but I only wanted a family with out. If it was anyone else – Raven, Harper, Miller, Murphy – _whoever_ things wouldn't have worked out the same way."

She smirked at that. It was hilarious to imagine just how different their lives might've been if circumstances had been different.

"I don't think I would've agreed to marry anyone else, even if it _was_ the perfect solution," Clarke agreed. If Murphy had offered to marry her so they could adopt Madi together, she doubted she would've agreed with that plan.

Even the _thought_ of it was both hilarious and terrifying.

"I couldn't have begun to imagine this would be our life," he admitted after a second, his voice dropping to a whisper. "I share my life with my beautiful wife. Our daughter is coming home today. Christmas is right around the corner." Her heart fluttered with his words.

"Today," she repeated, her heart warming. Gods, she couldn't wait until Madi was home.

 _Finally,_ this was happening. Their application had been approved after a short six months, which surprised Clarke to no end. Her original application had taken almost double the amount of time.

All of the issues from her original application were solved and no new issues were found. Because of that, _their application was approved_.

Between the two of them, they made more than enough money to provide for their family. Their schedules lined up so that Madi would never have to spend evenings alone – thank goodness for Bellamy's flexible schedule.

Plus, it helped that the adoption agency adored Bellamy. He was great with kids and had so much love in his heart. _And_ the agency never questioned their marriage

Well… not _too much,_ anyways. Of course, there was always going to be some speculation, but she expected that. It was nothing they couldn't handle.

They weren't acting anymore, which made the process easier. Before, when they agreed to be in a fake relationship, she was so worried she wouldn't be able to play the part of a wife. She was so worried that she wasn't going to act like she was in love with Bellamy properly; was she holding his hand too often, or would a wife do this; was she acting too much or too little; how often should she bring up the fact that she was married?

Now, she didn't have to worry about that. They simply had to be themselves.

 _And Madi was coming home today._

"It's a life so good that I don't recognize it."

With those words, she moved closer to him, pressing their lips together for a tender kiss. She tried to pour all of her love for him into the kiss, feeling like her heart would break if she didn't.

 _I'm in love with you._

 _You are my everything._

 _I want to spend forever with you._

 _You are my future._

 _You are my family._

It was amazing to think that _this_ was her life. She was snuggled against her husband, under a thick blanket, as the snow fell from the sky. Their daughter was coming home today. She was beyond in love with and married to her best friend.

It was easy to see, in that moment. _He was her future. Madi was her future._

And her future was now.

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 **If you know me, you know that I'm a big sap, but I'll try to keep this final note brief.**

 **Thank you all for reading this fic. It is a prompt fill that I got WAY too carried away with, but I had so much fun with it and I'm so glad CherriesOnTheCake (Griffin-Groupie on Tumblr) sent it to me. (On the topic of prompt fills, I am currently accepting them! If you have an idea you'd like me to write, let me know on Tumblr! I'll try my best to fill them.)**

 **I used this fic to try and write something different than the stuff I've done in the past and I'm happy to say I was able to do so. It's been a blast!**

 **Thank you once again for reading. A special thank you goes out to everyone who has favourited, followed, reviewed, or shared this fic. I appreciate it so much! Please know that I adore all of your enthusiasm and kind words. The fact you are reading this just is so amazing.**

 **You can find me on Tumblr as pawprinterfanfic and on AO3 as Pawprinter! If you've enjoyed this fic of mine, feel free to check out other Bellarke fics I've written!**

 **Comments and kudos are appreciated!**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Paw**


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